Were you under the impression that fun, exciting wars were reserved for disputes between races, religions, tribes and nations? Wrong, silly. Computer companies can do battle also. Sure, it's even more stupid and offensive than regular combat, but at least the only casualties are money and dignity.
The image at right that looks like it was taken from an Apple ad was, in fact, taken from a Microsoft ad. Is your mind blown? That's the point. After pulling their ineffective, strange Seinfeld-Gates ads only two weeks after they premiered, Microsoft is striking again with a hipper, slicker attack. Sick of being pigeonholed as the computer for boring old turds, Microsoft is co-opting Apple's "nerd" character to do its PC bidding.
In a new 15-second spot, the "nerd" announces, "Hello. I'm a PC. And I've been made into a stereotype." Viewers are then introduced to a decidedly un-nerdy group of happy PC users, including children, Deepak Chopra and Pharrell Williams. Cool, right? Fuckin' Chopra, man.
Like a sleeping giant, Google continues to plot in the shadows, patiently awaiting the day when Microsoft and Apple kill each other and make room for its total world domination.
Goofball Bill Gates just won't stay the hell out of the news lately. Like the geek who wins the student body elections to prove he's popular, Gates is no longer content to just be an eccentric quadrillionaire, he's got to prove he's "cool" too.
Now that the Microsoft commercials with Gates and Seinfeld got nixed, and the high-profile campaign for Windows morphed into some weird ouroboros of PCs making fun of Macs making fun of PCs, Gates turns his nerd gaze towards the future of of renewable fuel:
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So scrap that Seinfeld and Bill Gates team-up idea that none of the tech blogs liked: Windows already thought up a new tongue-in-cheek ad campaign airing tonight that would make Peggy Olson wet her knickers.
Introducing the PC guy from the Mac commercials. Sort of:
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Jerry Seinfeld will probably collect his full $10 million fee from Microsoft, even though the software giant has, effective immediately, killed all of his ad spots and promises no new ones. The ads, which featured Seinfeld and Microsoft wonderboy Bill Gates palling around shoestores and strangers' homes, got a collective thumbs down from the tech blogs, while the advertising industry halfheartedly got behind them. Nobody, however, seems to have asked the consumer what they thought of the ads, and really, that's who these spots were aimed at. But Microsoft caved to peer pressure, pulling the spots so as to not further anger the tech blogs who already hate the company. Is this Microsoft's new policy?: Listen to criticism. But, ugh, of course any new policy is, in typical Microsoft fashion, going to come with weekly updates.
Right when you were on the verge of giving up on Microsoft because they have zero advertising competence, the megacorp does a one-two punch and delivers this marginally clever second (and longer) installment of "Bill and Jerry do stuff together:"
Though Bill Gates doesn't much work for them anymore, and Jerry Seinfeld is mostly associated with American Express these days, Microsoft enlisted the pair of them to convince America that despite its troubles getting documents to print or iTunes to function, Windows is the cat's growl. The spot they put together is, sigh, pretty clever, as you would expect from the Seinfeldian school of thought. And Gates, despite his billions, comes across as relatable, cute, and our dad. Will it make us ditch XP for Vista anytime soon? No. But that's not what this ad is intended to do. After seeing it, you're supposed to start thinking warm fuzzies about Microsoft, rather than making it a punchline while waiting in line to buy a MacBook Air. CONTINUED »
Bill Gates has been knocked off the top of Forbes' billionaires list after a 13-year run. In his place? Warren Buffett. (Mexican telecom mogul Carlos Slim Helú is No. 2.) For what it's worth, Mark Zuckerberg, who founded Facebook, the social network that Gates recently removed his profile from, is No. 785.
Did you know that Microsoft founder Bill Gates is now only the second richest man in the world? But before you start making a barrage of "Haha, Gates is Number Two" jokes, here's a little bit of food for thought.
Based on stock, bond and money market projections, Gates is currently on pace to rake in approximately $3 billion this year. And since that number is so huge it's essentially unfathomable, we thought we'd do some quick math and break it down into terms we can all understand.
PlanetOut Inc. has the world's richest person to thank for bailing it out from its financial troubles. None other than Bill Gates, through his Cascade Investment, is among the investors who sunk $26 million to save the flailing gay media conglomerate, which publishes magazines Out and The Advocate, porn titles Freshmen and Unzipped, and operates RSVP Vacations and Gay.com, publisher Alyson Books, and sells raunchy DVDs.
It's only a matter of time before searches for "gay porn" on MSN.com turn up PlanetOut's MenMachine.com.
I want to thank Harvard for this timely honor. I'll be changing my job next year … and it will be nice to finally have a college degree on my resume.
I applaud the graduates today for taking a much more direct route to your degrees. For my part, I'm just happy that the Crimson has called me "Harvard's most successful dropout." I guess that makes me valedictorian of my own special class … I did the best of everyone who failed.
But I also want to be recognized as the guy who got Steve Ballmer to drop out of business school. I'm a bad influence. That's why I was invited to speak at your graduation. If I had spoken at your orientation, fewer of you might be here today.
Harvard was just a phenomenal experience for me…I lived up at Radcliffe, in Currier House…Radcliffe was a great place to live. There were more women up there, and most of the guys were science-math types. That combination offered me the best odds, if you know what I mean. This is where I learned the sad lesson that improving your odds doesn't guarantee success.
–Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates's commencement address to the Harvard University class of 2007.
Law & Order's Fred Thompson has reportedly asked to leave the show, indicating he's serious about running for president and ruining our country with Reaganomics.
&bull Dow Jones' largest outside shareholder urges Bancrofts to sell. His argument? "Who's to say Rupert Murdoch is all that bad?" Convincing!
• The prosecution rests their case against Conrad Black, meaning it's just a matter of time before the jury returns with a (guilty) verdict.
• Brooks Barnes ditches WSJ for NYT. Not because Barnes thinks the Times is a better paper, but because he's really psyched about covering "the business of Hollywood in all its fascinating iterations." And because they asked.
• Bill Gates and Steve Jobs continue to perpetuate the nerdiest and most boring rivalry. Ever.
• Meanwhile, weather media personalities have never been bigger! With the exception of Al Roker.
• Ryan Reynolds dumps fiance Alanis Morissette for refusing to go down on him in a theater.
• Vanessa Minnillo drops the F bomb again after Nick Lachey is approached by a J. Simp lookalike.
• And here's what it feels like to accidentally ogle Denise Richards' vagina.
• Gabrielle Union wants the world to know she and Derek Jeter aren't dating; they're just fuckbuddies, like Diddy and Sienna Miller.
• Bill Gates denies that all PC users are "dullards." Then a third grade bully screams, 'Only nerds use words like "dullards," GEEK!'
• Sienna Miller shoves a photog for catching her with her pants on.
• Judith Regan enjoys fasting and impromptu 21-day liquid diets, as well as publishing hypothetical tell-alls by not-so-hypothetical killers.
• The Village Voice is reportedly having trouble convincing anyone that they should work for The Village Voice.
• Slate offers the Sulzbergers free advice on how to "take the NYT private." In exchange; Slate requests bi-annual invites to the Sulzberger mansion and 2 years free membership to Times Select.
• Heroes may have used its superpowers to save NBC president Jeff Zucker's job.
• YouTube to share its revenues with You, possibly giving You that extra monetary incentive to illegally record Saddam Hussein's execution on your cell phone cam.
• Bill Gates says "with tv, in five years, people will laugh at what we've had." Related: Bill Gates' sense of humor reportedly 'almost as funny' as binary code.
• Britney Spears goes overkill with the quote marks — but still manages to prove to everyone she's "trash." [DListed]
• Jessica Simpson wants a guy who can imagine fucking someone else when he's in bed with her. [People]
• Vince Vaugn's mamma gets scammed worse than a guy who was tricked into dating Jennifer Aniston. [R&M]
• Microsoft Mogul Bill Gates is following in Angelina Jolie's footsteps. It's all about the charities, baby. [Ad Age]
• Brandon Davis' family wants him to go to rehab. Not so he can get help for his alcohol and drug problems, but because they could really use the PR … the boy's becoming a real embarrassment. [Page Six]
• Country Weekly manages to do one last thing before it gets yanked from shelves; name Keith Urban hottest country singer for the 10th time in a row. [Scoop]
Just what the world needs, a 102 more billionaires. Forbes busted out their rich list today, listing the top money baggers of the world (also known as Joan Rivers' ideal dates). Of course everyone only ever cares about the top five, but they like to throw the 15 other richest richies up there for good measure.
Bill Gates lands the number one spot for the 12th year in a row, and as the poverty rate continues to grow, him and the other 19 richest people remind us that they have a crapload of money — a combined total worth of $2.6 trillion to be exact.
Man, that's like enough to cover Lindsay Lohan's coke habit, Lloyd Grove's bar tab, and still have enough left over to throw at broke-ass Crash producer Cathy Schulman.
Editorial Director
