To the great dismay of the New York tabloids, Christie Brinkley has gone and settled her divorce with sleazy husband Peter Cook. She walks away the winner, with sole custody of their tween kids, all of the couple's real estate, and their boat, which is basically what she wanted all along. Cook walks away with a flat fee of $2.1 million from Brinkley, much of it to cover his legal costs, as well as the dubious honor of single handedly supporting Internet porn. [NYP]

This 1981 issue of GQ, featuring courtroom celebrity Peter Cook at age 22 (with Carol Alt), was dug up by Inside Edition in an effort, we firmly believe, to get us to think the same naughty thoughts about Christie Brinkley's skeeze of a husband the same way we're being groomed to think about John McCain.

It's working.

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That Christie Brinkley is a publicity whore is one way to explain why she demanded her divorce proceedings be open to the media, despite protests from soon-to-be ex-husband Peter Cook and the attorney representing her children Sailer, 10, and Jack, 13. Or, you know, she finds so egregious Cook's violations of their marriage — the $3k/month on porn; the posting of his own nude photos on websites for swingers; his sleeping with Diana Bianchi, an 18-year-old employee at his architecture firm, then paying her $300k to keep quiet — that she wants them made a matter of public record, where Cook can be humiliated for all to see. Including her kids' Google searches.

Nevermind that Brinkley is being described in open court by her husband's attorney as a woman who, "for goodness sake," is "on her fourth husband" and that everybody's time is being wasted because of the "the self-indulgent wrath of a woman scorned."

It could be argued Brinkley is going for the sympathy vote, hoping the tabloid press — and even CNN and Fox News, who will of course be breathlessly reporting from the trial — will be nice to her so she can win the trial, at least in the court of public opinion. Except what are the chances of that happening?

The press loves to paint a woman as a vindictive wench, even if her husband may epitomize true scum. Need evidence?

Just look at what People magazine, the most likely of the tabloids to treat Brinkley with a modicum of respect, chose to headline their article — filed under "Nasty Breakups and Divorces: — as: "Peter Cook on Brinkley: 'Shrek Was More Believable.'"

And with that, it's clear which way the tide is already turning … and what type of shape Brinkley will be in by the time the dollar figure for alimony is set.

On that note, we're done for the day, taking off a smidge early to get our Independence Day celebration going.

Naturally, HuffPo blogger and AMI editorial director Bonnie Fuller is most concerned about Eliot Spitzer's daughters – Elyssa, Sarabeth and Jenna – in this whole sex scandal mess. "Anyone who has ever been through the experience of having their father choose another woman over their mother, especially if it happened when they were a teenager, knows how traumatic this can be," she writes. "Whether your father has an affair or anonymous sex, it's all the same and it's even more devastating when the world knows about it."

Of course, back when Bonnie was running Star magazine full-time, she had no problem contributing to the trauma of Sailor Lee, 7, and Jack, 11, the children of Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook, who cheated on his model wife with his 19-year-old assistant, the details of which Star was hellbent on reporting.

• Diddy practically slept through his entire St. Tropez White Party. Though he didn't really miss much — just the announcement that Ivanka Trump is being chased by the Russian mafia. [Page Six]

• If Suri Cruise does exist, she is beautiful … but disgusting. [The Awful Truth]

• Of course Anna Nicole Smith wants to be friends with Britney Spears. Britney is the only one who truly knows what it's like to have babies in an attempt to salvage your career. [The Scoop]

• Christie Brinkley is still smiling. And handing out popsicles to photographers. And saying "get the fuck away from me assholes" through her clenched teeth. [NYDN]

• Hedi Slimane's "online diary" will definitely move you. Especially if you're into shirtless boys. [Queerty]

• Kevin Connolly will not let you mess with his girlfriend Nicky Hilton. She is, after all, the only reason anyone knows his name. [Page Six]

• Anyone who thinks Conde Nast will tolerate fat people in their building obviously has no idea how this world actually works. [FBNY]

• Christie Brinkley’s husband says he’s sorry for being a dumbass … but somehow it all gets lost amongst the la, la, la going on in Cindy Adams' head. [Cindy Adams]

• Kids are not afforded the right of freedom of expression in NYC. As proven by the "no blogging" rules for students, which, more or less, protects teachers. [NYP]

• The depressing rumors are true: Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams are escaping back to Hollywood, where their sexy friends can come over and smoke weed out of apples. Sniff, sniff. [NYO]

Helen Gurley Brown spent 32 years towing the line between makeup tips and sex advice at Cosmopolitan, which meant she had more advice to offer than she could squeeze into Sex and The Single Girl. For instance, did you know there are eight rules for having an affair?

I believe most girls are attainable by somebody. Really, most girls, but you have to work at it. I think the reason you don't always succeed is that you want everything now, this minute, tonight's the night. Rule one is "Take time to court her." Rule two: "Love her out of bed." Laught at her jokes. Women have fantastic egos too, you know. Even pretty little flips of girls just love to be thought fascinating and funny. [...]

Rule seven: "Act confident, even if you aren't." If she thinks you know what you're doing, even if she doesn't know what she's doing, it helps. One man I know, when he's sure conditions are right, takes over like a father. He just tells the girl, "Now, let's get out of this dress, darling. Let me take your shoes." Well, pretty sure she's doing everything he says.

Set to press clippings of Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook's extramarital scandal, Gurley Brown's wise words have taken on a whole new meaning. Magazine editors, you see, will say anything to cheerlead scandal.

• The National Enquirer is really sorry that Britney Spears is still married to Kevin Federline. [AP]

• “J-Dia” (who will forever hold a place in our hearts as the pot princess), is going head to head with Paris Hilton’s “vocals.” [Page Six]

• John Cussak’s stalker was finally issued a restraining order. Surprisingly, the star didn’t come to court and within a hundred yards of her when she received this punishment. Hmmm. [TMZ]

• Christie Brinkley’s husband had an affair with a brunette from Long Island. Things got really serious when he drove all the way to Bensonhurst to leave love notes on her car … they were almost as long as the Post's headline. [NYP]

• Well, Lindsay Lohan's still young. It takes most girls til at least 20 to realize that shagging on a rug give you the burns … and not just when you pee. [Mollygood]