• Times Square without the sex shops, prostitutes and now…cars? Jeez, next thing you know, they'll be outlawing tourists.
• Ahhhh, there's nothing quite like riding your motor scooter down the Coney Island boardwalk…and then hitting one of those loose boards, and falling flat on a rusty nail and/or syringe.
• And if the rusty nails don't kill you, maybe a runaway oil tanker will.
• Turns there are perks for keeping your virginity. Oh no wait, it's just crappy play tickets.
• Letting "the girls" get some fresh air is so in right now. Meanwhile, referring to a woman's breasts as "the girls" is—and always will be—totally lame.
• Mayor Bloomberg has visited 20 U.S. cities in the past 18 months. You know, it's almost like he's campaigning for something other than New York City mayor.
• Greedy Coney Island developer get slightly less greedy and agrees to rescind plans to build residential developments; local drug dealers rejoice.
• Apparently going to NYU is really expensive. Who knew??
• Meanwhile, it turns out fast food chains would prefer that you didn't know how many Weight Watchers points a Big Mac is worth. [Answer: 30,000].
• Rats take a short break from terrorizing New York Times' staffers to make out like bandits at your friendly, neighborhood Pinkberry.
Close your eyes, and imagine you're on Coney Island. Go ahead, do it. Now, keep your eyes closed and pretend you're riding the rickety (but historic!) Cyclone, listening to the foul-mouthed "freak" bellowing out insults at each passersby, or watching a small Japanese man eat enough Nathan's hot dogs to guarantee his first triple bypass surgery before the age of 35.
Now, open your eyes and inhale.
What's that smell? Why, it's the enticing aroma of stale hot dogs, perspiration, cheap booze, unwashed carnie children and an alarmingly overcrowded public beach!
Nope, you're not hallucinating, and you're not actually stuck in an outer-borough nightmare.
CONTINUED »
• Staten Island zookepers already busy "grooming" the groundhog, to ensure that results from his upcoming weather report are not skewed.
• Brooklyn boy accuses his principal of nerd discrimination after she denies him the opportunity to compete in a regional spelling bee.
• Guy saves woman from jumping in front of the J train, demands $10,000 and a free trip to Disney World.
• NYC clubs to introduce wall-mounted flat irons in their restrooms, the bathroom line at Bungalow 8 to become "even more intolerable."
• Coney Island to house $56 million YMCA instead of really, really old amusement park rides.
• In case you didn't get your fix of bright lights and fireworks over the Fourth, head to Coney Island tonight for some more, courtesy the Parachute Jump. [NY1]
• You can't say no to marrying the gay New Yorkers and expect that to be the end of it. [VV]
• Just because the West Side Stadium got a pass doesn't mean NYC would allow there to be empty space. [MetroNY]
• Remember that inaudible ringtone that only kids could hear? Well, it finally happened: Adults found a way to harness it as a weapon against kids. [Newsday]
• It's the banner advertising that is ruining the scenery of skyscraper-filled New York, not the buildings that block out sunlight. [amNY]
• Despite the decrease in New York's anti-terrorist funds, a plot to bomb Holland Tunnel and drown us all was foiled. [NYDN]
• The New York government hashed out a budget plan, and one of the first things the City Council decided to wisely spend our limited money on is a much needed hip-hop museum. [NY Sun]
We prefer the hibernation aspect of being a Polar Bear…
…but what would Coney Island be without a freakshow?
Freezing Cold Polar Bear Insanity! [Gothamnist]
Editorial Director
