Everyone, listen up!
This is a warning: if you see a lactating Demi Moore coming your way, you must either run or prepare to get wet.
Christopher Ciccone, brother of Madonna and lover of the media teet, claims the acclaimed actress once shot her breast milk at him and his lesbian friends at a party.
His lawyers, however, wouldn't let him include that unverifiable (bullshit?) tale in his recent tell-all:
God, Rumer Willis is the weirdest. Let's just forget about how she looks for a moment though, and focus on the important stuff, like how well she is using her daddy issues to get ahead in the industry:
And while most 20-year-olds want nothing to do with their parents, Rumer loves hanging out with hers — particularly stepdad Ashton Kutcher…."He definitely is a father-slash-older brother figure, but at the same time I can go out (to bars) with him and have an amazing time.’ ”
The same goes for her dad, Bruce. “I walked in [to a club] once and my friends were like, ‘Your dad’s over there.’ He was sitting with some girls. I just laughed. I was like, ‘Dad, she’s not cute,’ ” she says. “Everyone is scared of him because he seems so badass, but he’s a goofball. He’s like a 17-year-old kid.”
No, sorry. Dad's are not supposed to be your friends, who you go out and drink with when you're underage (Rumer is 20), or who you see at clubs, hitting on girls your age. That speaks both of irresponsibly parenting and step-parenting, as well as a bad grasp on how to successfully exploit your child-of-celebs status.
Rumer? Don't overstep your bounds and go all Mildred Pierce on Demi. She seems like your best hope for a responsible parental figure. Even if she may have body dimorphic disorder.
Your daily dose of schadenfreude: A bartender at Socialista, the bar Ashton Kutchner had his 30th birthday, has hepatitis A.
The disease is spread through food and water, which means A-listers like Bruce Willis, Gwyneth Paltrow, Madonna, Kutcher and Demi Moore could have been exposed to the A-version of the hepatitis.
After a vaccine, everyone should be okay. And after this small scare, they can go back to their carefree life of adoration and riches.
[Photo]
• Demi Moore continues to look great in seemingly unflattering poses on the cover of magazines that start with "V."
• There's a story about Kristin Cavallari removing her tattoo of her ex-bf's initials. But the real story is that there is a story about Kristin Cavallari. We're predicting she'll be on The Hills next season for Stephen-LC-Kristin love triangle renaissance.
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Christina Aguilera pulls a Demi Moore in the January issue of Marie Claire. Now that she's what feels like 15 months pregnant, she admits to being with child and says that the thing growing in her uterus was an accident:
We were planning on starting to try after the tour. And so I had gone off the pill to prepare my body, because I didn't know how much time it would take … You've heard it takes some time — except with Power Egg and Super Sperm here. … I'm like, 'Oh, my God, can you believe it just happened?'
We can believe the rhythm method failed you, but we can't believe we how much we know about your birth control methods.
Congratulations, Rumer Willis. The spawn of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis will be Miss Golden Globe 2008.
While it might not seem like a big deal that Rumer Willis will be handing “you’re probably going to win the Oscar” awards, E! insists that it is. And if E! doesn’t know about these things, who would?
• Sienna Miller isn't dating "that gross dude from Notting Hill." They're just sporting matching tattos. And wearing the exact same size in women's jeans.
• Raise your hand if you think Paula Abdul is ready to procreate. Hmmm, let's try this again. Raise your hand if you're someone other than Paula Abdul.
• Demi Moore lets too much time elapse in between Botox appointments.
• Pervy manager Lou Perlman gives us another reason to "just say no" to boy bands.
• Even gorgeous movies stars instinctively suck in their tummies when cute (if effeminate) boys are around.
• Cameron Diaz has an unglamorous Marilyn Monroe moment. Fortunately, the cameras are right there to capture it.
Lipo to hips, thighs & stomach: $30,000
Breast Implants: $22,000
Breast Lift: $20,000
Brow Lift: $8,000
Chemical Face Peel: $20,000
Collagen: $400 per visit
Teeth Veneers and whitening: $12,000
Saggy Knee Surgery: $10,000
Excercise Coach: $300,000
Finding out Demi Moore spent over $500,000 on plastic surgery just to look that good: Priceless.
• Inappropriately aroused? Just try imagining Mary-Kate Olsen naked. Wearing nothing but jewelry. On a cold day.
• Madonna purchases a dick-in-a-box while her neutered husband looks on sheepishly.
• We're sorry, Maria Menounos, did our pin get in the way of your ass? Do us a favor and lose five pounds IMMEDIATELY or get out of our building, like now! Get out!
• Hills hanger-on Audrina Patridge defends her asshat of a boyfriend Justin Bobby, explaining he "had a hard time" with kissing her on camera. Fortunately, he had less of a hard time ditching her completely, leaving her stranded at Brody Jenner's party and taking off with some other chick straddling his Harley.
• The Daily Mail has trouble discerning whether a tear-stricken Sharon Osbourne is crying over her talentless daughter or her pneumonia-stricken pooch.
• Anderson Cooper may have not-cheated on that guy he's not-sleeping with with another guy he's not sleeping with. You know, because he's not gay.
• Unfortunately for Demi Moore, there's no statute of limitations on full frontal nudity.
• Hollywood's new Rat Pack is less about drinking and having a good time and more about converting other rich people over to Scientology.
• Jim Carrey's long, shaggy 'do is out of control. Geez, it's like he didn't even bother to check himself out in Jenny McCarthy's tacky-slash-reflective gold dress before he left the house.
• Isn't it amazing what six whole weeks without cocaine can do for your cleavage??
• Paris Hilton's definition of contrition apparently involves SPF 8 and a skimpy green bikini.
• When you squint your eyes and look at Ozzy Osbourne from a certain angle, it almost looks as though he's sleeping with Ashton Kutcher.
• Lindsay Lohan is not pleased that the results of her toxicology tests were leaked, hence the whole "I'm totally taking this second stint in rehab more seriously" PR blitz.
• We've all heard the old saying (and a crappy 80's pop song) "opposites attract." And yet, for whatever reason, the smart, sober demographic failed to tune in for the premiere of Paula Abdul's new reality show.
• Before you judge Rebecca Gayheart for grabbing her hubby's crotch in public, just ask yourself how much restraint you'd have if you were married to Dr. McSteamy.
We've always loved Madonna. From the controversial "black Jesus" video to the fledgling movie career to the middle aged love affair with her obviously gay trainer yoga, Madge has always been chock full of surprises.
Like the time she managed to dance up a storm with Shakira and Demi Moore and ignore Janet Jackson while simultaneously heading home before midnight with Jackson in tow.
• Sometimes, when Demi and Ashton are feeling really crazy, they sit down to play a three hour long game of Mexican dominoes. Ole!
• A tipsy Paula Abdul slurs out an explanation for yesterday's nose-breaking tumble
• Sharon Stone is the wine-guzzling, fake-titted mother you never had—or particularly wanted.
• Jennifer Garner continues to be outshined by her frightfully cute baby daughter.
• Meanwhile, Cameron Diaz discovers that everyone looks more attractive next to a giant, green ogre.
• Breaking: Scarlett Johansson, the celeb you thought had reasonably normal eating habnits, refuses to watch other people ingest food.
• Whitney Houston to auction off remnants of her life with Bobby Brown; used crack pipe expected to go for "at least $50."
• Justin and Cameron are officially over; Timberlake free to pursue Britney Spears look-alikes while ignoring his real-life ex.
• Mira Sorvino's kids wanna party like Britney Spears when they grow up.
• Demi Moore and Ashton refrain from doing The Graduate on Broadway out of fear that it will become known as the Gigli of the stage-world.
• Jessica Simpson had to tug at John Mayer's (grungy) pants for a NYE kiss, while ex-hubby Nick Lachey scored an impromptu lapdance.
• The father of Madonna's new adopted boy just realized she's got an unlisted number.
• Renee Zellweger resolves to be a spinster in 2007; plans to spend more time with her cats, less time with her hairbrush.
• America, we have never been more proud. Dancing with the Stars and Katie Couric? Such diversity in your choice of television consumption. [AP]
• For those who were working on the World Trade Center on Sept. 11, 2001, the thought of going back to work in a really, really big tower is a little disarming. [NYT]
• We, again, can't do math. But Mollygood can! Well, she can at least get bootleg TimesSelect articles about the possibility of celeb couples withstanding. Sorry to say, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore don't stand a chance. (Then again, this is the Times, not Cindy Adams.) [Mollygood]
• Fox introduces a new interactive dating show. It promises that they will match couples in the most fair and balanced way possible, as long as they are right wing, pathological liars. [Mediaweek]
• Rosie O'Donnell thinks Oprah is pretty "brilliant sexy" in her Chevy. Well, at least she isn't talking about her "fur." [R Blog]
Editorial Director
