None of these eight tips on how to create the best magazine cover to attract newsstand buyers includes the suggestion "Celebrities. And babies," or "Do not publish meaningless crap."

Details magazine finds itself in the fortunate circumstance of having booked Shia LeBeouf for its September cover, which they're rushing to put online to capitalize on the publicity surrounding his DUI accident. Of course, Peter Rubin's interview with Shia took place in May, back when he was promoting the Indiana Jones movie; he's on September's cover to push October's release of Eagle Eye, and alcohol rehabilitation programs.

In this month's Details, a front-of-the-book editorial item about alternatives to mesh sponges to use in the shower, which highlights a new loofah from Axe (called a "shower tool"), with a huge half-page photo of the product in use. About seventy-five pages later: an ad for for the Axe Detailer Shower Tool. (A few more pages beyond that: another one-page ad, for Axe's new fragrance.)

Also there: a front-of-the-book style item regarding flip-flops, which the magazine encourages you to "upgrade to something more substantial," like Havaianas' $30 pair. Two page turns later, a two-page Havaianas ad.

And: a recipe for a Mai Tai, which calls for one-half ounce of Grand Marnier. About sixty-five pages previous, a one-page ad for Grand Marnier.

When Details publisher Chris Mitchell moved over to take the spot at Wired, it opened up the gig at Dan Peres' magazine. Filling the spot is Steve DeLuca, currently the associate publisher at Condé Nast Traveler. But remember when he was the publisher of Rolling Stone, and then ousted in 2006? Let's take a trip down memory lane, which includes more than a little job-costing spat with Jann Wenner. It involves Asian women, a small organ, and a tattoo.

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REGRETS Dan Peres would've rather been at home with the wife and daughter in NYC than spending 24 hours in Los Angeles to host Details' Mavericks party, where there were more dudes than ladies. [WWD]

At left, the new issue of Details: "Ryan Seacrest knows what you think of him."

At right, the January issue of The Advocate: "Lance Bass knows you talk trash about him."

It's not that we think Dan Peres copied The Advocate.

It's just there are so few things you can say about gay people to make them sound interesting.

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Tabloid TV shows like Entertainment Tonight aren't the only demanding media outlets who insist that, if you mention a topic they're covering, you MUST CREDIT!!!! them.

Got a pullquote from a statement that was issued to everyone in the press, but that you're claiming as an exclusive? MUST CREDIT and PROVIDE LINK! Got an interview from the sister of a housekeeper who once answered the phone for Adnan Ghalib? PUT OUR TRADEMARK ALL OVER THAT!!

Now Details magazine is in on the fun. Previously respected for their Internet outreach, both internally and through Freud Communications, the Dan Peres pub now has very stringent rules if you even link to their "hot article" about ambisexual Hayden Christensen.

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As Google Docs told me this morning, it's Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day isn't a big deal, but it is a reminder that when I go to sleep at 9:30pm on a Saturday night–which only happened once, after a long day at a Russian bathhouse–no one really notices.

Last time I visited my grandmother in Florida, she asked me what my type was. Rich and tall is trite, right? I kid, I kid. I don't even have a type. So I decided to be proactive and look through men's magazines to figure out what I'm looking for. What I learned? Men are idiots. After the jump, my brief flings with Details, Maxim, Men's Vogue, GQ and Esquire.

Anyway, happy Valentine's Day!- raronauer

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To the untrained eye, the January/February issue of Details might appear to be gay-free. No mention of dudes who enjoy watching their wives enjoy a Mandingo. Nothing about all gay men being stylish. And you already know the back page no longer features "Gay or …?"

Except then you spot Zac Efron, who's not "gay or ___" anything. He just is.

K-FED SELLS OUT The December issue of Details, featuring Kevin Federline on the cover as one of "America's new parental role models" is on track to sell 75,000, almost 15,000 more copies than when Federline appeared on the cover in March of 2005. Looks like everyone is on team Federline these days. [WWD]

On Saturday afternoon, Details is turning the Meatpacking District into a bigger clusterfuck of shopping and eating than it already is. Publisher Chris Mitchell has wrangled Peroni into sponsoring dozens of stores and eateries as they offer discounts and other meaningless offers to lure you into their shops as part of what they're calling a "Block Party." Gift with purchase at Catherine Malandrino. Ten percent off at Tracy Reese. Haircut and two products for $110 at Bumble & bumble. Oh, and on the rooftop of Hotel Gansevoort, experience the 2004 craze "pop-up shops" — and meet Kenneth Cole. Where you can take turns throwing people to the street.

[Details magazine] has set the bar very, very low! They obviously did no research into the character of this guy. Or have very, very low standards as to what a great father is….A guy who abandoned his first family (and children), so he could go off and party and live it up with his new girlfriend, is NOT a good father…A guy who left is wife at home, alone, with newborns, so he could go drink…at the club with his friends is NOT a good father…A guy who still has a nanny looking after his children although he does not have job, is NOT a good father. A guy who [would] rather waste time posing for a lame magazine, instead of getting a job…and showing (ALL his children), BY ACTION, that it is important to work for what you want, is NOT a good father.

–An irate commenter (pseudonym "Anonymous") on the Us Weekly website, reacting to the latest Details cover.

Details will be extra fragrant this month, perhaps to cover up for the bullshit on its cover. Kevin Federline is one of Details most 50 influential men. To be fair, Federline has inspired gold-diggers everywhere.

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Yesterday we mentioned how both Details and GQ could look forward to an unexpected bout of press from their cover stars — with Jonathan Rhys Meyers getting arrested at a Dublin airport and Kanye West's mother dying.

Both tragedies. Both good for Dan Peres and Jim Nelson's newsstand.

And then even more, ahem, "good fortune" struck Peres' mag: Rhys Meyers' mother died on Tuesday in England, it was just announced. Then, just three hours after his mama was pronounced dead, the paparazzi spotted him drinking in public at 10am (Brit time!). To be fair, he also bought a newspaper, so at least he has some priorities intact.

Meanwhile: Rhys Meyers was on The View this morning, discussing his new movie August Rush. And no mention of his mama. But he did mention tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Ah, the perils of pre-taped episodes. (Update: A View spokesman writes us to say the episode was taped Nov. 12.)

This week in the "look who benefits from its cover star's spat of unexpected press" is Details, whose Jonathan Rhys Meyers cover can only be helped by his drunken Dublin incident, and GQ, whose new "Man of the Year" Kanye West cover will get a boost from mama's passing.

Though neither really trumps the publicity effect Marie Claire snagged with its July 2007 issue, which featured a spread about partying called "Party Patrol: How Lohan Can You Go?." Just as Lindsay Lohan was going into rehab.

Well, now, if Rhys Meyers goes into rehab again, well … it still won't be as awesome.