As July wears on, the humidity is joined with a slate of terrible, no good, very bad television. Do not make us combine the words "celebrity" and "circus" to describe what we mean — you get it. You've watched it. But then there is the low-budget, kitschy alternative that is so simple, so mindless, and yet so adorable, it just makes sense to watch during the summer. We are talking about the Discovery Channel's Cash Cab, where Ben Bailey plays driver and host, asking passengers a slew of questions between pick up and their destination. A small cash prize and 11.2 seconds of fame is what's on offer — the most anybody has won is $4,100 — which makes Cab, which won the 2008 Daytime Emmy award for best game show, besting Drew Carrey's first time out as host of The Price Is Right, perhaps the most basic of all game shows. It's also the most brilliant. And it's also the best thing to happen inside the Taxi & Limousine Commission's boundaries since the "waive your ATM card and get a free ride" HSBC cab.

HBO will broadcast Taxi to the Dark Side, the documentary about an (innocent) Afghan taxi driver tortured to death by U.S. officials at Bagram Air Base, which was originally set to air on the Discovery Channel, which backed out of its contract to air it before the election. It will air in September, on HBO. And then on Discovery … in 2009. [TP]

One week of watching the new Discovery Channel spin-off network Planet Green was all television critic Troy Patterson could take before, as he tells it, he "want[ed] to go out and kill a dolphin."

Why such a harsh reaction to a network supposedly dedicated to saving the planet? Because the network's shows have turned our concern for the environment into "an upper-middle-class privilege and a status marker." Case and point: That they've enlisted HBO star Adrian Grenier to explain how doing good things for our planet fits right in with his asshole Entourage lifestyle.

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The concept for Man vs. Wild – hottie host Bear Grylls is randomly dropped somewhere exotic and must find his way to safety without assistance, while a camera crew follows – sounds interesting enough, albeit hard to believe. Turns out, you don't have to believe it: A former consultant for the show says Grylls regularly spent nights in hotels with the crew (enjoying TV, Internet, and hot tub access), shipped in trained horses that were supposedly wild stallions, and sailed in a raft he put together (that, originally, was assembled by others). Discovery Communications, which purchased and airs the show, naturally says it had no knowledge of the fraud.

What's next? They're gonna tell us his name is fake, too?

• Hey, know what your morning commute has been missing? A giant, somewhat-terrifying shark hologram! And a clean pair of shorts.

• Nation's largest university to become even larger. Seriously, quit taking over our city, NYU.

• What's grosser than a 69 year old having sex? A 69 year old having sex with a mother and her daughter in an crappy airport motel.

• Hey, douchebag—the way it works is, you set the flaming bag of dog poo on fire. Not the actual dog.

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