You probably don’t want to revisit this, but remember when Dustin Diamond tried to get the public to help pay his mortgage by purchasing autographed T-shirts online? And then when that didn’t work, he attempted to profit from starring in a sex tape? That was naturally followed by two stints on Celebrity Fit Club, and yet he still hasn’t had enough public exposure.

CONTINUED »

Is New York City suddenly having a celebrity shortage? Despite the long, sort-of boring Page Six lead about celeb Halloween costumes (OMG, Salman Rushdie as Darth Vader was fending off "scantily costumed babes" with his light sabre!) it seems none of the Hollywood fixtures have been out and about in the big city.

And it truly is a sad day when the only official P6 "Sighting" is "DUSTIN Diamond, who played Screech on "Saved by the Bell," riding shotgun in a minivan near Lincoln Center, leaning out the window and spitting on the street."

Meanwhile, a sneak preview of tomorrow's 'Sighting: "The entire cast of short-lived 90's sitcom California Dreams spotted piled into a soccer-mom car SUV going south on the West Side Highway. Fortunately, witnesses say they were not carrying their instruments."

• There's nothing quite like hearing Diane Sawyer muse about McG's "life-size" male nudes on a lazy Thursday afternoon.

• Time omits George W. Bush from this year's list of "100 Most Influential People In The World." However, Tyra Banks, Simon Fuller and Sascha Baron Cohen all still manage to make the cut.

• Screech has a nervous breakdown. Of the televised variety, of course.

• Cindy Adams defends Alec Baldwin, says his ex (Kim Basinger) has "a tenuous hold on reality." Kind of like a certain aging gossip columnist we know!

• And this just in, from Onion sports: "Manny Ramirez asks Red Sox if he can work from home." Fatty.

• Bruce Willis steers the yacht while his famous wife suck face with her younger, hotter move star hubby. Isn't Hollywood funny?

• Fort Lauderdale gays are instructed there's no parking in the Red Zone.

Meet the newest cast members of Celebrity Fit Club! And for once, we think you'll actually recognize a few of these slightly-chubby-but-vaguely-familiar faces. Because this season, producers have done away with those stringent requirements mandating that participants actually be, you know, significantly overweight.

CONTINUED »

• Model/actress Bridget Moynahan is getting rexy over rumors that naturally-thin supermodel Gisele Bundchen is dating her ex. Related: normal women everywhere try, fail, to relate.

• Introducing President Barack Obama, from the same people who brought you Shrek and Shrek 2.

• Grey's Anatomy star Isaiah Washington fires his publicist for permitting him to attend the Golden Globes without wearing a muzzle.

• But that may not be enough to stop Washington from joining 289 former Time Inc. staffers over at the unemployment line.

• Mandy Moore is evidently still punishing herself for "Candy" by continuing to date DJ A.M.

• Today's blind item is more of a "who cares?" than a "whodunit?" but we leave you to ponder over which Spitzer appointee has a threesome fetish.

• And today, in Z-list celebrity feuds…Dustin "Screech" Diamond takes on Gary Coleman.

While we waste away the week from the confines of our cold, barely insulated headquarters, we've made sure to place spies on the ground at Sundance, who are filing away from the cold, completely-lacking-insulation confines of Park City, Utah. From a smorgasbord of tips, we've compiled the following Sundance cheat sheet:

• Population: 80 percent dudes, 15 percent cougars, 5 percent other.

• At the Gen Art and Delta Sky Lodge Opening Party on Friday night, guests were virtually unwelcome — even those who paid extra for their VIP passes. Dustin "Screech" Diamond, however, was allowed entry (to watch his friend cripwalk on the dance floor), though his presence was likely due to the fact that there were no "real" celebrities in town yet.

• Also Friday night, a Diddy sighting! A spy spotted the rap mogul and his "entourage of 'goons' arriving at the token late night drunk food destination … His phone was glued to his face and he didn't seem to care about the woman by his side, who did not seem to resemble his girlfriend by any means."

• So far, the nightly MySpace parties at Tao "have actually been a bust." One source says a "bunch of my friends had tables there and everything, and they still left after 30 minutes because it was horrible."

• First day feel, summarized by a single overheard quoted uttered on Main Street: "Is that Gary Coleman?! In the cowboy hat? Why are they following him around?"

CONTINUED »

• Angelina Jolie is under fire for denouncing Madonna for child-stealing when she herself is "well on her way" to kidnapping an entire starting five.

• Sharon Osbourne used to retaliate against negative reports in the press by sending the offending journalists "poo" in a box.

• Publisher Leigh Haber is already being toted as the next Judith Regan. A delighted Haber is to have begun practicing her racial and ethnic slurs.

• Christian Slater and Sharon Stone continue to dry-hump each other without actually dating.

• Apparently Mandy Moore gave DJ A.M. her digits right in front of ex Wilmer Valderrama's face. Fortunately, Valderrama has a never-ending supply of up and coming tween starlets to help dull the pain.

• Dustin "Screech" Diamond is reportedly "very nervous" about rumors that Paris Hilton's bestie, hottie Kim Kardashian, is shopping around a sex tape of her own.

• Liev Schrieber confesses to having scary eyebrows, and an affinity for wild sexcapades on the Staten Island Ferry.

• Paris holds hands with QB Matt Leinert. Liev Schrieber calls it the "Worst PDA Ever."

&bull: Newsweek says Whitney Houston called Rosie a "fat bitch" while under a drug haze; The Donald prounounces it a moment of lucidity.

• Dustin "Screech" Diamond may have enlisted a well-endowed body double in the sex tape you couldn't pay us to watch.

• Lindsay Lohan nurses her "appendectomy" by immediately hitting the clubs.

• Christina Aguilera shows how to step out of a vehicle without exposing any naughty bits.

• Ew. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. Ew. We just hope, for the sake of the world, that this is all a lie, and Screech is not in a porno. Ew. [R&M]

• Anna Nicole Smith's lawyer, Howard Stern, drops the bomb on Larry King Live last night, that he, in fact, is the father of her daughter. This story really just can't get any more sordid. [AP]

• Things are getting really, really boring over at Radar. Staffers are forced to amuse themselves with projects that take up 2-3 weeks of their time. [Radar]

• Don't send your little girl off to college without having Fox News teach her to give good head first. That's what the cool parents are doing. [ETP]

• Oh, Joe Simpson. Don't be a moron. There is a reason your darling Jessica Simpson named her album "A Public Affair." It's because she was sleeping with everyone and everyone knew. [Us]

Kathy Griffin may rule the D-list, but she doesn't hold the clipboard. That honor goes to D-list agent Roger Paul, who reps such wonderkinds as T-shirt hawker Dustin "Screech" Diamon, Gary Coleman, and Gabe Kaplan. But this "Jew with a Christmas wreath in his office" just doesn't like the term D-list. It's not fair to his clients, he says. After all, he's using the same A-list PR tactics – Myspace! – as the major players, so why should be be regulated to the drowing depths of celebrity just because his biggest client still makes "Zach Morris is gay" jokes?

D-List Don [Mandy Stadtmiller, NYP]