Somehow the travails of Buzz Bissinger v. Will Leitch, Jared Paul Stern v. Ron Burkle, Page Six v. Vanessa Grigoriadis, Cathy Horyn v. Giorgio Armani, Dale Peck v. Rick Moody, and Leonard Wieseltier v. Andrew Sullivan get boiled down to what's going on between Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag:

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You've read the story and seen the video of Nicholas White, the former Business Week staffer who was stuck in an elevator for 41 hours and never fully recovered. You've also seen the spoofs.

But what happens when life imitates, uh, life, with fashion royalty and a steel box?

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Times fashion critic Cathy Horyn has a history of feuding with the designers she covers, but none so much as Giorgio Armani, who, like Helmut Lang and Dolce & Gabbana, banned her from his runway shows. Which is such a total diss because it's not like Horyn can't just go on Style.com or Wire Image to see what tortures he created for women this season. But without access to the shows, she misses out on the caste system of seat placement, and in the end, that's fashion's real tournament. But it appears Horyn would prefer to do without the whole nonsense of fashion shows, as if the millions of dollars in free publicity they delivered for the designers were somehow a commodity you could replace. Says Horyn: "I would be much more excited if he unburdened himself of the whole system, closed down the shows, stopped with the backstage stroking sessions, and went directly over the Internet to the public." For the record, we wholeheartedly disagree; making fashion a democracy will take all the snob appeal out of it.

New York's turning French Vogue editor Carine Roitfeld's words against Anna Wintour – the article referred to Roitfeld as the "anti-Anna," after all, but just as frail! – isn't the only icy chill the Vogue editrix is facing.

Friend, editorial subject, and advertiser Giorgio Armani is also stirring Wintour's pot.

At a press conference to promote the upcoming Metropolitan Museum of Art exhibition "Superheroes," which the twosome are co-chariing, Armani was slinging INSULTS at her, using slurs like "indifferent." Indifferent! The, ahem, vitriol might be stemming from Wintour's call for Italian designers to show their collections closer to each other, to save visiting U.S. editors some traveling expenses. Ms. Wintour's towncar, after all, cannot ferry her to Milan as easily as it can $400 lunches right here in the city.

• So this is kind of a random story, but this girl from our elementary school days added us on Facebook. Reconnecting through technology: awesome. And in her profile she listed Pink Is The New Blog as her website. Turns out, our news year's plans are the same as Trent's.

• Mischa Barton doesn't look that bad in her mug shot.

• Sting's sex life is weird. We blame all that yoga.

• Take it from Giorgio Armani: a fake tan and a white Speedo never go out of style.

• Hayden Panettiere looks mature for her age. Not dating a 30 year-old mature, but mature.

• A lot of celebrities got plastic surgery in 2007. We're predicting a lot more will get plastic surgery in 2008.