Remember what happened to the Golden Globes? How the writers threatened to boycott and SAG actors would feel crazy awk crossing picket lines? So instead we got the bootest awards show ever and no one watched? Yeah, but the Golden Globes are like preview award shows, the same thing couldn't possibly happen to the Oscars, where the awards are given by the Academy and it's crazy important, right? Right?!

Well, set your DVR to this: The Writers Guild does not anticipate giving the Academy Awards a waiver, so the exact same thing could, and probably will happen unless an agreement is reached.

With Sunday’s Golden Globes even more boring than usual, NBC had the lowest-rated telecast for the awards show ever, averaging 5.8 million viewers. NBC lost an estimated $15 million in ad revenue, and only beat a repeat of One Tree Hill.

Thank god for that creepy Chad Michael Murray.

THREE HOURS OF YOUR LIFE BACK After the jump, the complete list of winners of this year's Golden Globes. Well done, Writers Guild, well done.

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• With the Golden Globes canceled, the city of Los Angeles can expect to lose more than New York ever did during the Broadway strike. [MG]

• Stereohyped visits with the cast of Broadway's Cat on a Hot Tin Roof — and gets schooled by Phylicia Rashad. [SH]

• Fox News falsely reports, decides to name Paul Begala to Hillary Clinton's campaign. [HuffPo]

• Terry Bradshaw throws in the broadcasting towel. [NYP]

• Simon Cowell is still pulling for Britney Spears: "I think she's the most searched artist on the Internet at the moment, so she has a head start." But, to be fair, so was Anna Nicole. [People]

• The New York Observer remains a grooming ground for media beat reporters, despite what one frustrated blog mogul thinks. [MM]

• The new ad campaign from Equinox gyms is looking more like a Dieux de Stade calendar. [Queerty (maybe NSFW)]

RESIDUAL EFFECTS Okay, so you won't have to set your TiVo to record the now-canceled Golden Globes, but what about the parties? [HWT]

NO-GO ON THE GO-GLOBES This year, the Golden Globes will be like a long-winded school announcement aired by NBC news. That means no red carpet, no never ending speeches and very little ad revenue. If in the end, the strike only accomplishes canceling a masturbatory and meaningless celebrity event, then truly the writers have won. [Deadline Hollywood]

The other day, we were thinking it would be good to get out of the house and see a movie. But we had no idea what to see. There were so many movies out there. So we went to the internet, looked up who was nominated for a Golden Globe.

See when a movie was nominated for a Golden Globe, that means it's good. That’s the law in Hollywood. We ended up seeing up seeing Juno and decided that Michael Cera should keep playing reiterations of George-Michael until he finishes puberty.

But, wait, what’s this? The Golden Globes might not happen because the Writers Guild will picket them if NBC airs them? And NBC can contractually stop the Hollywood Foreign Press Association from holding the event at all if the network can’t air the show? F!

Seriously, this is going to destroy the editorial calendars of a half dozen magazines and worst of all, destroy us in the office Oscar pool. The Writers Guild of America has no sense of limits.

First they took away our late night shows, then they took away our sitcoms. Then they gave us back our late night shows, but now they might be taking away our self-congratulatory events.

That’s right, the Golden Globes, the big shit award show until the Oscars come, might be canceled due to “internet royalties” and this damn writers strike.

The deal is if the writers pickets the Golden Globes, then “the good people” actors like George Clooney would feel totally awk attending. And George Clooney doesn’t need to scab to remind people how good he looks in a tux. People, and People, will remember.

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Before we go any further today, we just had to take a minute and comment on the bizarre, Cameron Diaz/Jessica Biel post-Golden Globes cat-fight.

To recap, Cam apparently stalked her very recent ex, Justin Timberlake, from one party to the next, until she finally "caught" him innocently chatting up Ms. Biel on the rooftop of the Beverly Hilton hotel. At this point, an understandably irate Diaz apparently attempted to scratch out the adulteress' (Biel's) eyes. As Page Six reports:

CAMERON Diaz is not over Justin Timberlake just yet, and things got heated when she saw her ex chatting up Jessica Biel in L.A. after the Golden Globes. Sources say the temperamental star "blew up" at Biel after she saw Timberlake flirting with her. Diaz followed Timberlake to the In Style party at the Hilton Oasis, where "they had an awkward conversation." The "Charlie's Angels" star then trailed Timberlake to the Beverly Hilton rooftop for the Universal party, where she found him chatting up Biel - and screamed at the "Illusionist" star. "If that's how she wants to get him back, it won't work," said our insider. "She's desperate." Reps for Diaz did not return our call.

All of which makes perfect sense, except for three things:

1) How in the world did Cammie miss those oh-so-scandalous pics of hot new couple, Derek Jeter and Jessica Biel, "steaming up the camera" on vacay?
2) What would new bestie and relationship guru Lindsay Lohan have to say about this public display of emotional fireworks?
3) Was this really about Jessica Biel moving in on her man? Or was it really just pent-up frustration from being Worst-Dressed at the Golden Globes (next to Beyonce's hooker/Studio 54-inspired gown and That Thing On Vanessa Williams' Head)?

Either way, Cameron Diaz has lost her fashion sense (and possibly her mind), and is hoping to recover her wits by by doing what any sane and ridiculously wealthy person in her position would do: move back in with Mom and Dad.

Who's got it out for Hilary Swank? The question must be asked, given the double item plant in today's Page Six and Rush & Molloy. While it's never a shock to see the same publicist-fed item appear in a pair of competing columns, the fun starts (and, sadly, ends) with questioning who might be feeding the machine.

From today's Page Six:

HILARY Swank didn't get a regal reception when she arrived at the Golden Globes Monday night. The limo carrying the star and her boyfriend, CAA Agent John Campsi, tried to pull up in front of the Beverly Hilton to drop her off but was stopped by security. Spies say a guard admonished the driver for not having the right credentials and refused to let Swank pass. She tried leaning her head out the window to show who she was, and asked politely to be let through, but "the guards didn't recognize her and refused," we're told. So Swank and Campsi got out and found another limo to pick them up. But before Swank got in, she turned to the security goon and "flipped him off."

From today's Rush & Molloy:

Meanwhile, Hilary Swank’s limo was stopped by award-show security when it didn’t have the proper parking pass. The “Freedom Writers” star hopped out with boyfriend/agent John Campisi and hitched a ride to the ceremony in another car — but not before turning on the unsavvy security and “flipping them off.” Says our spywitness, “I’m calling it her ‘Million Dollar Finger.’”

Bonus points, however, go to R&M for the "Million Dollar Finger" line. But honestly, we expected Page Six to at least come up with a "putting up a girl fight" quip. But they get a pass: Yesterday was Richard Johnson's bday, and we can't expect him to be clever while inebriated.

• Barack Obama delights every Democrat (other than Hillary Clinton) by officially announcing his presidential bid.

• Izzy's pissed at Dr. Burke for continuing to make fun of Georgie; meanwhile, self-obsessed Meredith is too busy disappearing before our very eyes to even notice.

• Future Scientologist David Beckham to cash in on his good looks with an acting career. "Attaboy!" says Beckham's handsome (and Oscar-less) bestie, Tom Cruise.

• Britney Spears may be withholding pics of her son so she can sell them for enough money to cover K-Fed's alimony checks.

• Trump gets a star on the indiscriminate Hollywood Walk of Fame; Rosie O'Donnell already 'stepping in dog poo' in preparation.

• Check out the Worst-Ever Golden Globes fashion trainwrecks. Leading the way? Paula Abdul, of course!

• ABC dominates at the Golden Globes; Best "Globes" reference of the night still goes to Sascha Baron Cohen.

• How many reporters does it take to write one article about Britney Spears? Seven, apparently…with six of them to be fired by Time Inc.

• Alright, we get it. All of you just want to make sweet, sweet love to your newspaper. Jeez, get a room.

• 24 to be available on DVD less than 24 hours after Jack Bauer makes your heart go guh-gung.

• Britney Spears "crotch-flashes her way" out of Super Bowl promo; listen closely, and you can actually hear Janet Jackson cackling, (in between stuffing her face with doughnuts).

• The LAT has trouble remembering whether The Governator is a U.S. citizen.

• A journalism prof worries j-school teaches students to give "patronizing" news coverage…then takes a snotty, elitist tone regarding the "home-and-garden section."

I saw some dark parts of America, an ugly side of America, a side of America that rarely sees the light of day. I refer, of course, to the anus and testicles of my co-star, Ken Davitian…When I was in that scene, and I stared down and saw your two wrinkled Golden Globes on my chin, I thought to myself, I’d better win a bloody award for this. And then when my 300-pound co-star decided to sit on my face and squeeze the oxygen from my lungs, I was faced with a choice. Death, or to breathe in the air that had been trapped in a small pocket between his buttocks for 30 years. Kenneth, if it was not for that rancid bubble, I would not be here today. Thank you to every American who has not sued me so far.

–Sacha Baren Cohen, accepting his Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy.

Since this year we're all about the "evironment" and "world peace," it's fitting that the award show circuit is all about "not giving away tens of thousands of dollars in free swag to a group of people who don't need it." Also, award shows are becoming increasingly concerned that the IRS might make a phone call to Hollywood's A-list wondering why they didn't include that all-expenses-paid 7-day trip to St. Kitts gift on their tax return — like they were about to do to last summer's Oscar swag bag recipients. So rather than deal with the hassle of bestowing lavish gifts upon celebs and award presenters this year, the Golden Globes instead decided to go with a gift bag worth a mere $600 — of tax-free crap.

And while it's good to hear the Hollywood Foreign Press Association is finally playing within the rules of its tax bracket, rest assured that there will be plenty of sponsored "style lounges" nearby the Beverly Hilton from which Tinsletown's finest can rummage through Dior sunglasses, Lilly Pulitzer handbags, and all-expenses-paid 7-day trips to St. Kitts.