• Why it really, really sucks to have a baby in early July.

• Lance Bass, doing what he does best: sucking.

• From Stereohyped: "Neverland has 3,000 acres - [Michael Jackson] likes privacy. You can’t find as many properties like that on the West Coast.” Which is weird, actually, cause we thought there were a ton of crazy effeminate millionaires who owned village-sized estates complete with giant roller coasters.

• Robbie Williams takes a break from inhaling java to leak an excerpt of a new crazy religious track.

• Janet Jackson loses her battle with losing weight.

• Hugh Grant personally subsidized Divine Brown's children's college education.

• A friend swears OJ Simpson didn't do it! The book, not the double homicide, obvi.

• Only Barry Bonds' mistress knows the truth about those so-called "performance enhancing" drugs.

• John Stamos pulls a Paula Abdul, which is to say he slurs his way through a television interview then attributes it to being "jet-lagged."

• Nintendo hires Nicole Kidman to demonstrate that even attractive people who've had lots of plastic surgery enjoy video games.

• Hugh Grant may be back together with heiress Jemima Khan, If so, he may or may not have popped the question, in which case Khan conceivably answered with either a "yes" or a "no."

• If Al Gore was actually running for president, he'd never allow his daughter to have a Beverly Hills 90210 inspired wedding.

• Hugh Grant left a British paparazzo "bruised, battered and covered in baked beans."

• Could it be? Is Britney Spears really tipping off the paparazzi before she heads out for her daily errands? But wouldn't that make her an opportunistic hussy promoting a comeback album, rather than a postpartum sufferer and devoted mother to two children we never see?

• And if rapper Eve described her leaked sex tape as "embarrassing," she must be utterly humiliated by this whole "driving drunk and crashing her gold Maserati" incident.

• Joe Francis may have racked up more time in the slammer by (allegedly!) fondling the boobies of an uninterested 18 year old girl.

CONTINUED »

• Lindsay Lohan, on binge-drinking: "'I never passed out in my life! I never vomited from having drinks. Like in public. I would never do that. Well–' she amends, 'a few times. Well, everyone does in high school. I'm not saying everyone.'"

• Rumor has it Joe Simpson wants to be Britney Spears' new father figure/sleazy, lecherous manager.

• Aw, let's all take a nostalgic look back at pre-crackhead (and pre-reformed crackhead) Whitney Houston. Who loves to dance!

• Hugh Grant only likes to perform when he knows people are watching.

• LL Cool J to star on Broadway! Looks as though his steady diet of whey protein shakes, and daily 11-hour workouts have finally paid off!

CONTINUED »

• National Enquirer claims Anna Nicole Smith died of pneumonia, then undermines any/all credibility by running 100% photoshopped photos, based on actual graphic artists' imaginations.

• Rosie O'Donnell turns her wrath towards The View's token right-winger, Elisabeth Hasselbeck; Joy Behar huffily responds by saying, "I'm on the show too, you know."

• ABC's World News Tonight edges out NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams for the second straight week; Katie Couric, CBS, "holding steady" at a distant third place.

• SELF magazine gives chubby/unattractive sorority girls an opportunity to conform!

CONTINUED »

• The Coop puts himself on the charity auction block, and—unsurprisingly—finds himself sold to a male bidder.

• Here's exactly what your afternoon's been missing—a cheesy, 80's-themed pop video featuring Hugh Grant in too-tight pants.

• Joss Stone dated some producer guy for two years and all they did in the bedroom was hold hands. Seriously.

• Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson (Kate-o? Will-Hud?) are possibly back on, definitely giving bloggers everywhere an opportunity to use the phrase "down under" while snickering.

• More about the crazy, do-whatever-it-takes intern who's making LC and the dumb one look bad on The Hills.

• Turns out Project Runway winner Jeffrey Sebelia is as much of a jerk off-screen as he was on the show.

• In excellent news for prostitutes, the dashing Hugh Grant is now officially single again.

• Kim Mathers tells world that Eminem can't get it up without Viagra. Maybe he and Bob Dole should bond over their mutual erectile dysfunction disorder?

• If J. Lo's going to cry every time someone hates one of her movies, she'll probably be needing a lifetime supply of Kleenex.

• Donatella Versace gets the Janice Dickinson Award for most plastic surgeries in a single lifetime.

• Take a "journey" into the surreal world, and watch QB Tony Romo and a potty-mouthed Mr. Belding belt out "Don't Stop Believing."

• Cameron Diaz wins a libel settlement from the National Enquirer, joins a not-very-exclusive club of similarly "wronged" celebs.