Talk all you want – and people like David Bauder will – about how television viewership since the strike is down, across the board. “ABC, CBS, Fox and NBC had nearly 9 percent fewer viewers in April and May so far than during the same period a year ago” [AP] Then again, the networks have been losing audiences year-over-year, so why blame Hollywood scribes’ neediness for a few digital dollars?

But how about some real sobering news? You know, the type that will feed the gossip chamber?

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Though a Page Six spy spotted NBC chief Jeff Zucker “climbing out of his black SUV” in front of Katie Couric’s East Side apartment, a Couric “friend” is preemptively shooting down any rumors that Zucker wants his prized lady back, saying “Jeff and Katie have been friends for 20 years. He asked her to get a Mother’s Day gift for his wife, Caryn, and picked it up on the way to his daughter’s play.” [NYP]

Uh huh.

More curious, beside the terrible and transparent excuse given, though, is who “spots” Zucker exiting his car and walking into Katie’s building, except, perhaps, Zucker or Katie themselves.

Zucker has always been rumored to be a serial New York Post leaker, especially when he’s got a takedown agenda, like he did with Beth Comstock in September, floating a rumor that Comstock was leaving NBC U and heading back upstairs to GE. (The news panned out.)

So what would either have to gain?

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JOSSIP REPORTS : BREAKING

Might Katie Couric’s woes about to take a turn for the better? Or the worse? SO HARD TO TELL!

But one big rumor we are hearing is that executive producer Rick Kaplan, who was brought in to replace Rome Hartman this time last year, is being shown the door at the CBS Evening News. Oh, and The Early Show, where he’s interim executive producer.

We’re told by an insider that he’s being pushed out from his posts — and will hold a staff meeting on Friday, at 9am in the GM studio, where he’ll at least tell the staffers he’s about to embark on a two-week vacation, but it’s unclear whether he’ll share with them that the vacation is actually a quiet means of exiting. “I’m sure he won’t say anything about not returning,” says a source.

Keep in mind: He’ll be making his exit during sweeps. So whether he tells his staff the real news or not, they can only assume that the boss man is a goner. After all, under predecessor Shelley Ross, you didn’t take time off unless you called in dead.

Why all the drama?

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It’s unclear if The Scoop’s Courtney Hazlett knows Larry King renewed his contract with CNN through 2010 or whether she just chose to overlook it in favor of the deal’s loophole, which doesn’t guarantee King his 9pm timeslot, but she’s pushing rumors that Ryan Seacrest is planning to take over for King, supposedly, in 2009. Which, um, would be impossible? Not according to a CNN source, who claims the American Idol host is in “serious negotiations” to assume hosting duties by year’s end.

Either way, the gossip mill chum isn’t good news for Katie Couric, whose camp has been putting out feelers for the King slot for months.

Update: Worth noting: This isn’t the first time MSNBC gossip Hazlett has run into trouble with her reporting (but when haven’t us gossips?). As the Observer notes, she had to have her story about James Frey pulled from the website on Thursday because it was based on false info.

Yesterday, Katie Couric had a chat with CBS Evening News producers, where she shared some of her ideas on how to make the show better, Jossip hears. It’s not so much the substance of her suggestions, but what it represented: 1) Exec producer Rick Kaplan wasn’t there (perhaps he was dealing with The Early Show?); and 2) It’s clear she’s still trying to come up with ideas about how to save the show. Or at least that’s the face she’s putting on for staffers.

Better than Jon Friedman’s (recycled) argument that Bob Scheiffer should replace Katie Couric, who herself replaced Bob Sheiffer? Watching Friedman deliver the argument in this “Media Web Minute.” [Marketwatch]

BY THE NUMBERS Katie Couric has outdone herself with a new record! Record low, that is. Besting the week of April 14th’s CBS Evening News record-setting ratings (5.39m viewers), Courc’s broadcast averaged just 5.34m viewers for the week of April 21. [TVD]

The remaining dozen people watching the CBS Evening News are, based on the broadcast’s ads, “impotent and incontinent.” And like seniors in an old folks home, it’d probably be better just to put ‘em down.

THE NEWS SHOW! Not the elderly viewers. That would be cruel and unnecessary.

Actually, argues newlywed Troy Patterson, the entire CBS News division must go. That means The Early Show, 60 Minutes, CBS Sunday Morning, and Katie Couric’s $15 million stage. Whether they outsource the thing to CNN as was originally discussed or just throw it off the side of the cliff, hunker down, and pray for daylight, Les Moonves must. give. up.

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Even though Larry King just reupped his deal with CNN to keep his game of softball on the air until at least 2011, his contract did not guarantee him the 9pm slot, effectively leaving open the possibility that they could still install ratings-loser Katie Couric there post-CBS. When word arrived that a King takeover was a possible Couric career move, the Time Warner network quickly re-signed its star; but without giving him the 9pm slot, they kept King under contract while maintaining the option of transitioning Couric into the primetime post. Sneaky sneaky!

Leaks about Katie Couric’s future at CBS occupied the chattering classes last week. Then we learned she wouldn’t get a presidential debate, even though Hillary and Barack have faced off more than twenty times. And now the CBS Evening News is coming off clocking its worst week of ratings in its history, averaging just 5.4 million viewers, down from 6 million two weeks before. CBS News SVP Paul Friedman says he’s “frustrated” about their numbers. As he should be:

Katie’s broadcast scored fewer viewers than 48 Hours Mystery and, if things continue, will end up somewhere between the WWE’s Friday Night Smackdown and clip show Most Outrageous Moments. (And those Seinfeld numbers are here.)

Sorry, Katie Couric, but your best post-CBS job prospect just got taken off the table. Larry King is re-signing with CNN, keeping his farting on the air until at least 2010.

In the end, Katie Couric will not get her debate. The planned CBS News presidential showdown on April 27 was just called off by the North Carolina Democratic Party. They’re blaming “time constraints and logistical issues,” as well as fears about “party unity,” and not the fact that Barack Obama never agreed to the debate (holding out for Pennsylvania’s results?). Statement below.

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When CBS chief Les Moonves made a surprise visit to a CBS Evening News staff meeting today – with Katie Couric, Sean McManus, and exec producer Rick Kaplan all in attendance – he spent about 10 minutes restating his support for his $15 million gal, while Katie thanked her team for dealing with all the speculation about their leader. We also hear Les, on his way out, told one staffer that today’s Keith Kelly report, about Katie writing a tell-all book, is “all lies.” Which is probably true, but as if Katie would fill him in on it.

John Koblin’s argument that, thanks to the web breaking EVERY BIT OF NEWS EVER, the newsworthiness of many print media stories are total hoky, since reporters and editors are grasping at whispers of memes to turn out articles rife with speculation and a prayer for relevance.

Which just about describes today’s rumor that Katie Couric might be writing a tell-all memoir.

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You can let America choose its next idols. But please do not let them choose the next job for Katie Couric. The CBS Evening News anchor, who is either being “pushed out” or “volunteering an exit” from her post, was the subject of career speculation outside the Today show, or at least she was when the Observer egged on the crowd. So what do fans of the former morning show star think she should be doing?

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“I reached out to her right after it was announced that she was taking the job. Nothing ever came of that - I reached out to her and had a conversation with her and that was the last I’ve heard. I do want to make clear that I never have had, nor do I now have, any animosity toward her - I thought I could help her because frankly, I didn’t think she had any idea that she knew what she was stepping into - all the problems with infrastructure that had been severely damaged over the past few years.” — Dan Rather on whether he bothered to bond with his replacement Katie Couric [HuffPo]

All that talk about Katie Couric leaving CBS? Cindy Adams had the story back in September, as she so artfully insists in today’s column. Nevermind that everybody in the media industry has been predicting a scenario like this since her ratings began slipping after her first week on the job. And nevermind that the most recent chatter about her possible exit stems from a February meeting, and not anything from September.

The possibility of Kate Couric leaving the CBS Evening News after the November election or January inauguration wasn’t yet supposed to be considered a real option, but that’s what information leaked from a “wide-ranging discussion” about her future surmised. A Feb. 28 meeting between Couric, CAA agent Alan Berger, CBS News president Sean McManus, and CBS chairman Les Moonves was only supposed to put a list of options on the table; an early exit from her five-year contract was one of them, but certainly not the only possible outcome. But now the media gossips got wind of the story and, supposedly, may have already forced her into lame duck status, assuring her early exit.

As if it was that simple. Let’s make sure CBS takes plenty of responsibility for the direction of the chattering class’ conversation: They confirmed rumors that CBS was discussing the possibility of replacing Couric. And even if there were other options on the table, that’s a typical “throw ‘em under the bus” move from the tiffany network. If anything, it’s CBS’ own fault for framing the conversation that way. And don’t think for a minute it was accidental.

“And so it is / Just like you said it would be / Life goes easy on me / Most of the time / And so it is.” Not even halfway through her five-year, $15 million/year contract with CBS News, and Katie Couric is already said to be in talks with CBS chief Les Moonves and CBS News head Sean McManus to shape her exit. It’ll likely come after November’s presidential election or January’s inauguration, and nobody’s entirely sure where Katie will end up, or who will take over the Evening News. Two plausible scenarios: Katie will wait out CNN’s Capt. Fartypants, Larry King, to replace him (his deal expires in 2009), or she’ll grab her own talk show on CBS, or a full-time gig on 60 Minutes, or they’d let her go free to run through the meadows in search of a better deal. Though CBS brass continue to think she’s doing an excellent job with her 22 minutes a night, she hasn’t been able to pull the show’s ratings up to a competitive level; CBS Evening News draws an average 5.9 million viewers to NBC’s 8.3m and ABC’s 8m. All this, and just when Howard Kurtz started rolling out the sympathy red carpet.

Naturally, the Katie Couric-hating Matt Drudge went with this dramatic photo for his story about CBS’s maybe-deal with CNN. But with so many options to choose from, it’d be a shame to let fellow Couric bashers go without the news kingpin’s resources. So what could have been some of his other options?

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