Good news, Jewish moms! No, Jonathan still hasn’t gotten into medical school. Jewish Living is launching next week.

The bimonthly magazine is aimed at Jewish women aged 25-34 and already has a base rate of 100,000 from newsstands and subscriptions sold to Jewish associations.

Unlike Heeb, which is targeted to the self-hating under 30 set, and the Synagogue newsletter, which is best for laughing at the personal ads, Jewish Living wants to be a non-Waspy version of Martha Stewart Living. Think Passover recipes instead of Easter egg decorating tips.

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In things you don’t want to imagine news, Martha Stewart has a crush on recently divorced neurotic, Larry David. “I like Larry a lot," Stewart told his Curb Your Enthusiasm co-star Susie Essman on her show and then asked, "Does he like older women, or does he only go for young girls?”

Ugh, that would be the grossest Cialis commercial ever.

[Star]

Martha Stewart, the innovative force behind Martha Stewart Living and Martha Stewart Living Magazine has decided to throw her domestic energies into launching a social networking site catering predominantly to your mom. ("My MySpace is very lively," Ms. Stewart said. "Who would have guessed?") Um, everyone. [AdAge]

First Blueprint went after the young lady crowd. Now MSLO is planning a title for the post-menopausal crowd. Or are we being too harsh-slash-ageist? Anyhow, the new pub might go after Town & Country or More. Or, just as likely, chip away at Martha Stewart Living. [WWD]

• Lindsay Lohan cancels her 21st birthday celebration; Dina Lohan responds by calling her daughter a "wet blanket."

• Nicole Richie abstains from alcohol lest her tiny, possibly non-existent fetus be subjected to empty calories.

• Tom Cruise reaches the highest level of "clear" in Scientology, and can now focus his full energies on stealing some rich Australian guy's life savings.

• Busta Rhymes celebrates his 35th birthday by "st[anding] in a corner alone with his bodyguard" and sullenly mouthing the words to his own songs.

• According to Bette Midler, Martha Stewart "can make a lamp out of a pine cone with one hand tied behind her back," prompting an angry Macgyver to respond, "Game on."

While browsing Mediabistro this morning, we saw what—at first glance—appeared to be your average, run-of-the-mill snoozefest about women's magazines. The article, (entitled "Peaceful Coexistence: Glamour, MSL, and Cosmo Style") is about Glamour EIC Cindi Leive occupying the very same room as Cosmo EIC Kate White.

Did it end in a fight to the death? No, it did not.

But it did yield the best Martha Stewart tidbit since last week's "Don’t you do background checks on people? He was Egyptian!" incident.

Glamour's 50th-anniversary-celebration of its "Top 10 College Women" brought editor-in-chief Cindi Leive together with Cosmo editor-in-chief Kate White, who is a "College Women" alumna. So, too, is Martha Stewart. In this circumstance, Stewart looks like the mediator in resembling ex-President Jimmy Carter in the middle of warring factions.

And there you have it. Martha Stewart is the next Jimmy Carter. Except, you know, instead of negotiating peace treaties between Egypt and Israel, Stewart is vying to have her Egyptian driver deported back to the Middle East.

Same difference.

Ever have an absolutely picture-perfect morning, where you woke up on exactly the right side of your king-sized canopy bed, tossed aside your expensive 800-thread count Léron sheets, geared up for an early morning session with your personal trainer, delicately nibbled your breakfast of coddled eggs with a side of grapefruit, and then hopped into your private town car on your way to work—only to discover that your stupid Egyptian driver should've been deported, like, six months ago?

Oddly enough, that's exactly what happened to gynecologist-worshipping domestic goddess Martha Stewart early Tuesday a.m. Reports Page Six:

A DRIVER for Martha Stewart was arrested on Tuesday, but the exact circumstances are a bit murky. After Stewart left her Bedford home early to make an appearance on "The View," she noticed on the ride into town that her car was being followed by a police cruiser. When her car stopped at the "View" studios on the Upper West Side, it was surrounded by officers, who promptly arrested her driver. A visibly upset Stewart went up to her dressing room and, according to a source, "started shouting loudly to an assistant over the phone." The domestic diva yelled, "How could you do this to me? Don't you do background checks on people? He was Egyptian! What do I pay you people for?" Our spy added, somewhat unnecessarily, "She was furious."

When reached for comment, Stewart's publicist declared this entire incident to be an "Orange Alert," then immediately instructed Martha to do "less talking and more stupid arts & crafts projects."

Yesterday, Martha Stewart shared her thoughts on "Life After 50" with the upper middle class elite crowd over at the 92nd St. Y. Naturally, we'd have gone if we'd known about it, but thankfully Rush & Molloy has the highlights, which include an undying devotion to cats and a photo montage of everything from her assorted properties to her OB/GYN.

Writes R&M:

Any man hoping to please [Martha Stewart] better like cats. After her divorce, one would-be suitor "sat down in a wing chair in my parlor and, all of sudden, there were six cats sitting all over him. … He said, ‘I hate cats.' … I didn't see him again."

Stewart showed pictures of her cats, canaries, horses - and her gynecologist.

Okay, let's pause right there.

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• A new research study reveals that The Daily Show appeals to the smart, well-informed populace while Fox News caters more to the "slack-jawed yokel" demographic.

• Don Imus invokes the Ann Coulter defense, attributing his misconstrued remarks to a wayward attempt at comedy.

• David Carr instigates a boring Ellie's rivalry by hyping up the competition between Field & Stream and Martha Stewart Living.

• Al-Jazeera to become most popular YouTube sensation since "Dorky Light Sabre Guy" and "Girl Who Can't Dance For Shit."

• Newspaper apologizes for publishing Photoshopped images, pisses off fashion, pornographic industries, Mariah Carey by calling digitalized alterations "dishonest."

• Larry King plans to keep on broadcasting, wearing suspenders until he's forced to answer to "that big Brooklyn guy in the sky."

Like an anal retentive moth to a flame in need of new throw pillows, Martha Stewart is heading to Russia. Well, actually, she's already in Moscow, helping congratulate bllionaire friend Charles Simonyi on his $25 million space dinner (a menu supposedly put together by Stewart herself).

But more importantly to MSLO shareholders, Martha is bringing her brand to the world's largest nation.

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• Martha Stewart lashes out at a courtroom artist for painting an unflattering portrait. The artist responded by pointing out "hips don't lie."

• Britney has a new rehab beau! It's kind of perfect, actually.

• Designer Anand Jon didn't plan to physically hurt the woman accusing him of rape. It just sorta happened after he plotted to destroy her emotionally.

• Angelina Jolie has successfully completed the process of purchasing a young Vietnamese boy.

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• A bunch of athletes and movies stars banged some models at the Sports Illustrated party, and all they got was Hepatitis?

• YouTube crushes dreams of everyone left wanting more after Sunday night's four hour long awards show snoozefest.

• Martha Stewart considers expansion into Asia to determine whether Chinese women are as boring as American women.

• Marty Peretz to remain New Republic's editor-in-share despite not having anything invested in it.

• NBC is wrong to ban Britney, Anna Nicole, says someone familiar with the term "ratings."

The "real winners" of the Academy Awards were the screenwriters. And Helen Mirren's cleavage.

• Republicans hate the fact that Giuliani's pro-choice and pro-gay almost as much as they hate the fact that Barack Obama is pro-terrorist.

• Brandy to get more than a slap on the wrist for killing someone with her car.

• Martha Stewart voices her support for Hillary, Rosie; admits to TiVoing Ellen DeGeneres.

• "Dresses to Di For" tour scrapped after Princess Di's ill-timed fatal car crash; tour to finally relaunch under new, less offensive name.

• Possible new couple alert: Scarlett Johansson and Marky Mark go on a funky lunch…date.

• Diddy bang Sienna or what?? London tabs getting feisty over rumors that Diddy, a new daddy, is diddling the mediocre actress.

• Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie eat a not-at-all staged dinner together; bond over mutual hatred of "unsightly" Mr. Chow doggie bags.

Okay, we admit it. We know it's pretty juvenile of us, but we're still thoroughly amused by this transcript from the Martha Stewart show.

On this very special episode of Martha, the special guest, Jennifer Garner, brings in her pooch for the occasion—who just happens to be named Martha Stewart, too!

So basically, you've got Jennifer Garner in the room with two Martha Stewarts, at least one of whom happens to be a bitch.

And the hilarity ensues….

Jennifer Garner: This is Martha Stewart Garner-Affleck … She's your namesake, so she can do anything.

Martha Stewart: Can you tell us about Martha Stewart's — the dog — new friend.

Jennifer Garner: Yep — we thought he was going to be a brother; his name is hutch. Instead, there's more of an amorous relationship.

Martha Stewart: Really??

Jennifer Garner: Yes, it turns out Martha can't get enough. Martha Stewart has a very healthy sex life.

Martha Stewart: For heaven sake! Look where they're living! They're living with sex symbols.

Jennifer Garner: Goodness gracious! Do you have to go there? We're making cupcakes!

• Fox irate over pirated episodes of The SImpsons, 24; Barack Obama irate over Fox's coverage of that whole phony terrorism thing.

• Michael's continues to be the best place for media types to power-lunch, and for Joan Crawford hide out before her pre-Oscars botox.

• American Idol showcases what's wrong with our society, both through the deluded throngs it attracts at auditions and our voyeuristic enjoyment in watching them fail.

• Martha Stewart doesn't miss being a CEO, does miss sitting next to her prison girlfriend on Lasagna Night.

• The "Old, Saggy [Grey] Lady" receives both criticisms and praise for its video obituary of Art "I just died" Buchwald.

• Remember that PC World druglord who was killed in some sort drug-related skirmish? Yeah, turns out he wasn't so much into drugs.