Cablevision's Dolan family, the new Newsday owners, would prefer Newsday not report on their business dealings. "They’re the only owners who could make you wish for Murdoch." [NYO]

There will be no New York Post-Newsday News Corp. tag team to take on the Times, with Rupert Murdoch having dropped out of the bidding for Tribune Co.'s Long Island paper. Instead, Cablevision will buy 97 percent, for $650 million, of the paper, adding the rag to its massive cable biz front on Long Island.

Along with Newsday, Cablevision also picks up "related assets," including freebie paper am New York, a detail the Times surprisingly left out of its coverage. (The WSJ did not.)

So while the deal doesn't actually include Newsday's real estate, as original reports said, the two papers Cablevision picks up guarantees you're about to be inundated with ticket sales ads for Madison Square Garden, which it conveniently also owns. As well as Radio City Music Hall, the New York Knicks, and the New York Rangers..

SNOOZEDAY Rupert Murdoch does not plan to up his $580 million offer for Tribune Co.'s Newsday, even though Cablevision bested his pitch with a $650 million bid. This is either Murdoch's way of exiting the bidding, or his way of saying he's still a better owner even if he's not willing to cough up $70 million more. Oh, but also: Cablevision's offer includes the paper's real estate, so the offers are pretty much even.

Just to keep things interesting, Cablevision is making good on rumors for a Newsday bid. James Dolan will not be left out of big important things! [BH]

WHO'S BALLS ARE BIGGER? Mort Zuckerman has matched Rupert Murdoch's $580 million bid for Newsday. [Reuters]

"The dirty little secret about Rupert Murdoch's play to buy another New York media property in addition to the ones he already owns is that there's little anybody can do to stop him," argues the Hollywood Reporter's Brooks Boliek.

Sad, but true. Just as Donald Trump's Trump Soho swatted away critics by beginning physical construction on his downtown condo-hotel, making the project inevitable, Murdoch has shaped the debate about his purchase of Newsday as a "when" debate, not an "if."

And even as Murdoch faces off against New York foe Mort Zuckerman for control of Newsday, there's actually little the Federal Communications Commission could actually do to stop Murdoch from snapping up the paper if Tribune gives the OK.

How come?

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For all intents and purposes, yesterday Rupert Murdoch bought Newsday for $580 million. Yes, there are still some hurdles, like convincing FCC chairman Kevin Martin that deserves a waiver to own two television stations and three newspapers in the same market, but we've seen stranger things happen. If Murdoch closes on the deal, with the Wall Street Journal and the New York Post, he'll end up owning three of the largest 10 newspapers in the U.S. What could the FCC possibly have wrong with that?

Rupert Murdoch is close to snapping up Long Island's Newsday, reports Newsday, picking up on a report yesterday from the Wall Street Journal, all of which should be pretty clear evidence that THIS MAN CONTROLS THE NEWS CYCLE. The deal, which won't close for another few weeks, values the Tribune daily at $580 million, or about one-sixth of the $5 billion paid for the Journal. The news arrives just as Journal managing editor Marcus Brauchli, a friend to the editorial department in a sea of Murdoch-brand change, is also departing after four months on the job, taking over shortly after News Corp. bought the paper; that news was also first reported by the Journal. Brauchli, who is expected to remain a News Corp. employee, is technically resigning. This, after rallying the Journal troops around their new boss.

Rupert Murdoch is suddenly worried his attempt to buy Newsday from the Tribune Co. might run into hiccups. Of the antitrust variety. Ya think? [WSJ]

Newly single Jared Kushner is expected to throw his hat in the Newsday ring, which already includes Rupert Murdoch and Mort Zuckerman. But with an asking price of around $500 million, purchasing the Long Island daily will by 50X more expensive than Kusher's New York Observer, which he fetched for a paltry $10 million.

While both Rupert Murdoch and Mort Zuckerman want to be in the Newsday business, it's clear who staffers would prefer: the News Corp. fella.

More than half of those responding to the Press Gazette's informal poll said they want Murdoch because he's a "real newspaper" man.

Oh, and there's this: While Zell is on a nationwide tour of his Tribune Co. properties slashing jobs, Murdoch is, at least for now, staffing things up and beefing up coverage.

The moguls are going crazy over Newsday, the Long Island newspaper we refuse to touch because it somehow leaves more newsprint on our fingers than any other rag. The paper makes money, which is why the Tribune Co., whose profits took a huge tumble last year, is looking to unload it: Its most profitable assets are also its most lucrative. With an asking price as high as $400 million (down from perhaps the $1 billion it could've fetched five years ago), the fancy lady has suitors with familiar names: Rupert Murdoch, Mort Zuckerman, and Cablevision's James Dolan.

Murdoch is thinking joint venture between the NY Post and Newsday, giving him an edge over Zuckerman's Daily News. Hey! That's why Zuckerman wants it too! Why does Dolan want it? Your guess is as good as ours, but we're gonna go with ego.

Where have all the critics gone? News hit yesterday that Newsday movie editor Pat Wiedenkeller and veteran critics Jan Stuart and Gene Seymour were accepting buyout offers, which sent the world of film scribes into a tizzy as everyone tried to figure out whether this was more evidence of a Kill The Critic trend, now that newspapers are getting out of the business of reporting on anything other than Britney Spears. Those worried about the job security of the critic niche have ample evidence; the Daily News' Jack Matthews retired last month. And don't forget even Maxim had to fire its movie critic Pete Hammond, but that was mostly because he had terrible taste in film. So is there reason to trust all this fear-mongering? Let's put it this way: If you're paid to write down whether you love or hate something, your job is on the line.

As a general rule, police officers get off on exercising their power over street punks like you. Well, next time Mr. Cop tells you to move it, remind him that he has to shave tomorrow.

Newsday reports that NYPD may have the power to run red lights, but not to grow beards:

A Jan. 8 memo clarifies a regulation that says officers are not allowed goatees, chinstrap beards (think Abraham Lincoln) or other "designer beards," like Mike Piazza's goatees and creative facial hair when he played for the Mets. … Officers who violate the rule may be written up as committing an infraction or may lose a vacation day.

New York protective agencies are generally pretty anti-body hair. Look at the NYFD calendar. We know those guys are old enough to grow chest hair.

Everyone from Long Island is a liar. Have you ever met someone from that region who tells the truth? No. Stereotypes are always true.

Need proof? Newsday and the Spanish Daily, Hoy, lied about their circulation figures to advertisers between 2001 and 2004. And they were both based in Long Island when the lying went down.

The result: $15 million in fines to settle federal criminal fraud investigations, $83 million in restitution to advertisers and remedial management and internal auditing.

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