Hugh Hefner generously announced today that naked Miley Cyrus would be nakedly “welcomed in [his] magazine” full of naked ladies—when she’s of age, of course. [Us] This isn’t the first time that the doddering coot, or his kin, pulled such a stunt, knowing full well the offer would get a write up in the gossip columns, but that the starlets would never agree. Below, a look back at some of the million dollar deals, made by creepy old men, and Joe Francis, that never were.

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Perhaps crumbling under the pressure of being accused of stabbing Spencer to prevent Todd from learning the paternity of TJ, Nathaniel Marston, a.k.a. Dr. Michael McBain in One Life To Live, went crazy in Hell’s Kitchen this weekend.

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