Celebrity rags are always ragging on famous ladies who get an (alleged) nip and/or a tuck. Well, now we’re giving it to a few of the men.
We’ll start with Thierry Mugler, who has done gone lost his mind.
Cynthia Nixon, denying rumors she got her breasts done after shooting Sex and the City: “We got a call from the [New York] Post (the paper that ran the story) asking if I’d had a breast augmentation, and my publicist laughed at them and said, ‘No, of course not.’ But they printed it anyway. If I was going to get a boob job, wouldn’t it make sense that I’d get it before Sex and And the The City (the movie)?”
The problem with the term “beautiful girl” is that girls are rarely, if ever, beautiful. Girls are pretty and girls are cute — and that’s fine because there’s a time and place for cute (the age 16 and prom, respectively) — but they’re not beautiful. Women are beautiful. Women are sexy.
We’re reminded of how many people ignore that important distinction around this time every year: the lad mag “Hot List” season, when Maxim et al group together the names of every sad, drunk, Botoxed, sutured, bleached, commodified and infected girl in Hollywood and try to pretend the resultant stable has sex appeal. We’re sick of it, so we’ve compiled our own lineup of truly beautiful women.
Donda West, the woman who gave birth to Kanye West, who we all love, died following a tummy tuck last year. Knowing all the Freudian issues Kanye had, everyone was super sad for him, and blamed her plastic surgeon, Dr. Jan Adams. But it wasn’t really his fault
A coroner report could not settle on a cause of death, and implies it was a combination of heart disease and post-surgery problems. As a precautionary measure, let’s make sure Dr. Jan Adams never practices medicine again.
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• This classic SNL digital short prompted one of our college friends to say “[Natalie Portman] is the only Jewish girl I’d convert for.”
• Gary Kasparov blames Vladamir Putin for forcing him out of Russia’s presidential election, continues his one-man crusade to get gunned down by members of the KGB.
• Gawker is looking for a reporter with “an ability to write five short items a day.” Easiest job ever?
• “I Hucked Up” is officially the second-best Post headline of the day. Although we would have preferred “Huck Accuses Mormons, Romney Of Deal With The Devil.”
• GQ tries to cash in on the progressive artistic phenomenon known as “Flashy-Light Vagina.”
• Baseball: Not exactly America’s pastime anymore.
• That face transplant chick from France is looking hot. Well, compared with having no face.
• For the second time this year, building management suspends a doorman for having bad breath. Hey, the tenants aren’t paying Upper East Side prices to deal with lesser borough unpleasantness like halitosis.
• This round up of MTV’s Return To Fat Camp reminds us that overweight people without even the pretense of a healthy body image should never be subject to a reality TV series and the judgment of voyeuristic strangers. That said, boy are those porkers fat.
• At least the Knicks can get along at funerals. Which is fitting, seeing as their hopes for a playoff birth died back in preseason.
• The Botox school of method acting earns Nicole Kidman rave reviews. Meanwhile, Kidman herself had no immediately discernible reaction to the news
• With New York weather this weekend expected to stay in the 30s, we’re kind of jealous of this hairy male model.
• Breaking: Paris Hilton reportedly told Nicole Richie, “I want a baby so that our babies can play together.’” And by “play together,” we’re assuming she means “share a coke dealer and periodically pretend-fight to stir up publicity for their trashy reality tv show.” Allegedly.
• Oh no! “Geri Halliwell is being forced to leave her 18-month-old daughter Bluebell at home while she and the other Spice Girls prepare to kick off their world tour in Vancouver on Sunday.” Either that or she’s just, you know, voluntarily putting her own fledgling singing career ahead of her baby’s needs.
• Did Jennifer Aniston go under the knife? And, if so, why? After all, doesn’t she know she’s nothing but hair?
• Meanwhile, Reese Witherspoon is officially the highest paid actress in Hollywood. And yet, somehow, not a single cent has gone into a chin reduction. Weird!
• Ladies and gentlemen, Marissa Cooper…like you’ve never seen her before.
• Breaking! Brad Pitt to stop doing nude scenes and start making crappy family-friendly films a la Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium. And while he’s at it, he’s also going to offend Jack Nicholson, Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep by insisting that acting is a “younger person’s game.”
• “A meeting held at Madison Square Garden Wednesday between New York Knicks ownership and head coach Isiah Thomas was interrupted more than half a dozen times by ‘Fire Isiah’ chants which came at various points throughout the two-hour-long discussion, Knicks officials reported.” Okay, fine, so that didn’t really happen. But we’re thinking it’s just a matter of time.
• The most objectively attractive male contestant on Project Runway receives the honor of dressing Tiki Barber. In semi-related news, this is officially the happiest moment of his life since the day he got cheekbone implants.
Dr. Jan Adams refuses to comment on the specifics regarding Donda “Mother of Kanye” West’s death. And by “refuses to comment” we mean “says ‘there was no problem whatsoever when she left [his] office’ and implies that she totally ODed on prescription painkillers. [E! Online]
…Radar’s preemptive efforts at ensuring that Scrubs star Zach “I’ve made a career out of being awkward” Braff doesn’t suffer the same fate of Dirty Dancing star turned nonworking actress, Jennifer Grey. [Mollygood]
• In other news, the Victoria’s Secret fashion show reminds us how extraordinarily sexy medium-range lingerie Really is! Especially when worn by Brazilian models. Who have zero percent body fat.
• And Heidi Klum “makes an ass out of herself.” Literally.
• Despite having served 84 minutes in a state penitentiary, Lindsay Lohan has not even begun to pay her debt to society.
• Trendwatch: Plastic surgery correction to usurp plastic surgery as the lastest celebrity must-have by next season.
• Amy Winehouse ’s manager quits amid concerns over his own health. Specifically, over the perceived risks of secondhand heroin inhalation, otherwise known as all those dangerous drugs Amy Winehouse claims she was much, much too busy to smoke. Repeatedly. In his presence.
Did you know that the doctor who performed cosmetic surgery on Donda West nearly had his medical license revoked by the California Medical Board after sustaining multiple DUI’s? Did you know he wasn’t even certified by the American Board of Plastic Surgery?
TMZ did! And odds are, so did Donda West.
Not surprisingly, the surgeon (who, as we now know, is no stranger to brushes with the law) is denying any/all wrongdoing. [Stereohyped]
[Image via TMZ]
• Actor John C. Reilly was recently asked about his most attractive feature. He reportedly replied, “I’ve been told my tush a lot. Which makes me feel great on the one hand, but on the other hand I’m like, well what’s wrong with my face?”
• When asked about her Thanksgiving plans, Angelina replied: ‘It’s always a holiday at the Jolie-Pitt house.’ Which would be even funnier if it weren’t also true.
• Meanwhile, Angie’s brother (the one who she’s “SO IN LOVE WITH!”) proves that not everyone can pull off the trademark Jolie pout.
• These days, most celebs have had a little work done. The only problem is, some of their plastic surgeons have only been half-assing it.
• Jessica Simpson and Mandy Moore were spotted standing next to each other for several seconds. Which probably means they’re the hottest fake lesbian couple around (Sorry Carmen Electra and Joan Jett!) Either that, or it’s just a picture.
Good news, fatties! Liposuction technology has evolved to the point to make you look actually muscular.
For the limited cost of $4,000 to $7,000, abdominal etching can give you the six pack you never wanted to do enough sit ups for.
Wow, it’s a great time to be alive.
• Zac Efron dresses up as Katie Holmes for Halloween.
• And speaking of makeovers, Neal Boulton’s apparently tired of people confusing him for a lesbian rocker circa 1993.
• If Gisele Bundchen was photographed picking her wedgie today, does that mean Bar Refaeli is going to be photographed doing the same thing tomorrow?
• Collagen injections are just like potato chips: you can’t have just one. Unlike potato chips, however, if you don’t get your fill you’ll end up with a pursed pucker that resembles a “deflated balloon.”
Editorial Director
