The race for the White House this year has been nothing if not a historic moment for gender and race issues, so it's only apropo that the commentators chosen by networks to moderate the debates reflect this change in socio-political discourse. That's why it's so refreshing to hear the Commission on Presidential Debates has chosen three old white guys to man the helm; Tom Brokaw for NBC, CBS's Bob Schieffer, and PBS's Jim Lehrer. Yeah, eff Andrea Mitchell, what with her lady parts and her stupid non-partisan politics. And screw Gwen Ifill, what with her full lips and broad nose. Stay the course, old white guys. Four more years!
Ron Paul has accepted a $500 campaign donation from a white supremacist. Hey, it's a free market, baby!
Fortunately, the decision has no political consequences because Ron Paul can’t be bought. Also Ron Paul can’t win this presidency.
Jesse Benton, a Paul spokesman said:
Dr. Paul stands for freedom, peace, prosperity and inalienable rights. If someone with small ideologies happens to contribute money to Ron, thinking he can influence Ron in any way, he's wasted his money. … Ron is going to take the money and try to spread the message of freedom.
Yeah, what is a small ideology like hate is nothing compared with the message of freedom?
• This classic SNL digital short prompted one of our college friends to say "[Natalie Portman] is the only Jewish girl I'd convert for."
• Gary Kasparov blames Vladamir Putin for forcing him out of Russia's presidential election, continues his one-man crusade to get gunned down by members of the KGB.
• Gawker is looking for a reporter with "an ability to write five short items a day." Easiest job ever?
• "I Hucked Up" is officially the second-best Post headline of the day. Although we would have preferred "Huck Accuses Mormons, Romney Of Deal With The Devil."
• GQ tries to cash in on the progressive artistic phenomenon known as "Flashy-Light Vagina."
• Baseball: Not exactly America's pastime anymore.
• That face transplant chick from France is looking hot. Well, compared with having no face.
Breaking: Throngs of black people evacuated to nearby sports arena due to dangerous conditions and inexcusable overcrowding in a Southern state!
Nope, it's not another horribly mismanaged national disaster. Just an overwhelming display of solidarity by Barack Obama Oprah Winfrey supporters. [Stereohyped]
[Photos via WireImage]
Look, everyone likes Oprah. She's smart, she's fun, she's relatable and – aside from that awkward James Frey kerfuffle – she even has good taste in books. So the only way for Hillary Clinton to combat Oprah on the pulpit is with the only other pseudo-political figure everyone can agree on: Chelsea Clinton.
In addition to possessing a relatively benign personality coupled with moderately hot Jewess appeal, Chelsea appeals to everyone who's ever endured a prolonged "awkward" phase.
Have you heard? Presidential hopeful (and former Gov.) Mike "The 'Compassionate Conservative'" Huckabee apparently isn't so compassionate after all! At least, not towards our gay brethren, whom he would love to see rounded up, deported to some remote island and summarily abandoned/destroyed. That is, if he's elected president.
THEN (Vintage Huckabee, circa 1992):
It is the first time in the history of civilization in which the carriers of a genuine plague have not been isolated from the general population…If the federal government is truly serious about doing something with the AIDS virus, we need to take steps that would isolate the carriers of this plague.
NOW (Huckabee clarifies his stance on Don't Ask, Don't Tell):
I agree with the leadership of our military, who believe it is not in the best interest of the armed forces to have homosexuals serving on active duty. I believe to try to legitimize that which is inherently illegitimate would be a disgraceful act of government. I feel homosexuality is an aberrant, unnatural and sinful lifestyle, and we now know it can pose a dangerous public health risk.
Congratulations. You've come a long way, baby.
Is Oprah's support of Barack Obama distracting? Invigorating? According to The Nation's Patricia Williams, it just might be both!
"Celebrities – from Toby Keith to Sammy Davis Jr., from Barbra Streisand to Jon Bon Jovi — have always stumped for candidates," begins the slightly wordy paragraph regarding (as Williams terms it) the "brouhaha" surrounding Oprah's endorsement.
And yes, there's more.
• Casting for a slutty blond pin-up girl in Hollywood is like going to a Star Trek convention and looking for a pimply-faced socially awkward guy who's never been laid. Trying to find a curvaceous size 16 in Los Angeles? Now therein lies the challenge.
• And today in crazy: "Sperm donor 'dad' hit up for child support.'" Geez. For that matter, any masturbatory emissions could be termed reckless abandonment.
• Lindsay Lohan may have cheated on her annoying rehab fling with recently divorced womanizer Heath Ledger. Discuss.
• John Edwards has yet to discover how to outshine fellow Democratic rivals Hillary "The Woman" Clinton, Barack "The African American" Obama and Mike "I Remind You Of The Grandparent You Never Call Or Visit" Gravel.
• Ever wondered what the inside of an interior designer's home looks like? It's easy! Just picture your apartment, except with rich colors, expensive couches and nothing from IKEA.
Although we can’t always shake the nasty habit of writing in the royal we, occasionally one of our editors decides to shake off the cloak of anonymity to write a short, pithy statement long, rambling diatribe about a topic of their choice. Today, Debbie Newman is that editor.
According to a new Harvard University study, "nearly two-thirds of Americans do not trust press coverage of the 2008 presidential campaign." Moreover, "four out of five people believe coverage focuses too much on the trivial — and more than 60 percent believe coverage is politically biased."
Fortunately, it looks as though they can't blame everything on the mainstream media. As everyone who watched last night's overly-hyped Republican YouTube debate learned, politicians are pretty good at making themselves look boring/trivial, not to mention mindlessly repetitive.
The unthinkable (and yet, highly plausible) has happened. The American people have officially lost interest in the long, drawn out and extremely uncomfortable process of watching politicians from both parties reduced to shamelessly pandering for votes.
• John McCain may not have called Hillary a bitch per se, but did concede that she's a venerable opponent whom he greatly admires…and one day hopes to crush.
• Barry Diller desperately endeavors to buy AOL, completely forgets that it's no longer 1999.
• "People often say that writing about style is just a way to report on the really wealthy," observes Alex Kuczynski, "but I try to write about the populace, not just the elite." Whatever helps you sleep at night, Alex.
• Howard Dean finally acknowledges that Jews can go to heaven, a concession that might have proven more useful to him approximately four years ago.
Senator Clinton and her staff are trying to create an aura of inevitability among both voters and journalists to suggest that she's the Democratic frontrunner [and] you'd better get on board … beware of the inevitability.
–Dan Rather, at the 2007 American Magazine Conference in Boca Raton, Florida [FishbowlNY]
A new and, undoubtedly, extremely scientific poll reveals that the majority of Americans picked Hillary Clinton when asked which of the 2008 presidential candidates would make the "scariest" Halloween costume. For the purposes of this (ahem) study, only so-called "major" candidates were considered, which evidently explains why munchkin Dennis Kucinich once more finds himself completely out of the running. Reports CNN:
Thirty-seven percent in an Associated Press-Ipsos survey this month chose the New York senator, the front-runner among Democratic presidential contenders. Fourteen percent selected former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, who leads Republicans in national polls.
No other candidate exceeded 6 percent.
Wow, Hillary Clinton first in the polls with Republican adversary Rudy Giuliani trailing at a distant second? No one could have predicted this! In all seriousness, though, we're not particularly surprised to see Hill with an uncontested lead.
Black people. They truly are amazing, aren't they? In addition to owning and running several successful (black-owned!) businesses, Harlem residents are, apparently, able to look past the color of the presidential hopefuls' skin and vote purely based on the merits of their campaigns. As such, 57% of residents polled said they favored Hillary Clinton (as compared to 179% who said they'd be voting for Obama) in the 2008 election. The deciding factor? Obama's complete and total lack of experience. (And, we imagine, the fact that it's still not entirely clear where he stands on social security reform just about everything).
Meanwhile, we're just thrilled to see that Harlem's ethnically diverse residents have such discerning heads on their non-Caucasian shoulders. Now, if only Bill O'Reilly were equally as clairvoyant…
If a new poll suggesting that Stephen Colbert could be the presidential frontrunner within a month is to be believed, at what point does his publicity-fueled political campaign stop being a hilarious mockery of the campaign trail and start being an ominous sign that our country is on the brink of willful self-destruction, and gradually shifting closer and closer towards an irreversible state of moral and financial bankruptcy?
Editorial Director
