Look! It's an adorable Cruz Beckham breakdancing during one of the Spice Girls' last performances! He's cute! He's weird a red baseball cap! He stopped the show! The paparazzi couldn't get enough! [DM]
• Lance Armstrong insults our intelligence (and makes us question his) by insisting he's just friends with Ashley Olsen, and referring to her as a "nice, smart lady."
• Spice Girls fill in for Kanye West at the Victoria's Secret fashion show. Throughout the performance, Posh was overheard murmuring quietly to herself, "Th-th-that that don't kill me. Will only make me stronger."
• Meanwhile, Heidi Klum has altogether too much fun with her Bedazzler.
• Natalie Portman becomes the latest unattached celebrity to say she won't get married until the gays do.
• TMZ: The doctor who "operated on Kanye West's mom the day before she died" also left a sponge inside of another patient. And now there's a warrant out for his arrest. Not that we're directly accusing him of anything, mind you. But allegedly? He totally killed Mama West.
• Baby Zahara gives her parents a hand, officially becomes our favorite Jolie-Pitt.
• Finally, the general public heeds the warning of film critics across the country, consciously avoids seeing The Heartbreak Kid.
• Despite his early retirement, Michael Vick is still leaving football with a legacy. Of course, said "legacy" involves having his name be synonymous with animal cruelty, rather than a Superbowl dynasty.
• Google shatters the hopes/dreams of tech-nerds everywhere by announcing that they have no intention of building a phone.
• Not even Halle Berry can make morning sickness sexy.
• And last but not least, here's an artist's (slightly idealized) rendering of the Spice Girls' very own private jet.
[Image via INF Daily]
• Douchebag college kid still yammering about getting to first base with trainwreck former pop star.
• Meanwhile, Britney Spears and the Spice Girls square off for the chance to showcase their complete and utter lack of musical ability.
• Ricky Martin is starting to sound a lot like Michael Jackson Madonna some crazy closeted gay man.
• Who needs the calendar version of Michael Biserta, when you can still get him in video form?
• Ed Harris tries, fails to smuggle a giant butcher's knife past airport security. Then cries about it.
• "Eddie Murphy has been 'extremely disrespectful,' cries morally upstanding single mother, Scary Spice, who was secretly married back in June.
Were you shocked and amazed to learn that the Spice Girls are reuniting for one last crappy pop music-making menopausal extravaganza?
Well, get over it. Nowadays, wonders never cease, nor do seemingly irrelevant former celebrities—especially those looking to resuscitate their flatlining careers.
Nevertheless, we were rather surprised to learn that the girls are all on such magnificent terms these days. Especially after our gay brother Queerty told us about the existence of a certain naughty children's story, penned by one Geri Halliwell (a.k.a. Sexy Spice) and loosely inspired by the actual experiences of her close friend, a Victoria "Posh" Beckham.
The juicy excerpt, after the jump.
• Lindsay Lohan was reportedly drunk and coked out of her mind when she crashed her car onto an oncoming curb. Hello, Lynwood!
• Most people who enjoy dirty, men's lavatory sex might periodically get tested for HIV, but then again, George Michael isn't most people.
• A picture is worth a 1000 words, which is why these snapshots (of 100% drug-free Paris Hilton lighting up a doobie) are the photographic equivalent of "Finnegan's Wake."
• Britney Spears denies Cyndi Lauper the pleasure of seeing her inadvertently exposed breast "slip out" during the True Colors concert.
• Apparently, not everyone agrees with our assessment that Sporty is the hottest Spice.
Have you heard? The Spice Girls are planning a reunion concert tour! And, while Baby Spice's water is ready to break any moment now, we're wondering if the girls are ready…to put aside Scary Spice's illegitimate child woes, "Posh" Beckham's giant saline balloons and Sexy Spice's, um, dentures long enough to hit a high note?
Our surprisingly thorough analysis, after the jump.
Editorial Director
