Anyone who's ever watched Gossip Girl remembers the gripping inaugural episode, in which Chuck Bass (the impish, scarf-clad would-be Casanova) attempts to seduce recovering promiscuous girl Serena Van der Woodsen by proffering her an aphrodisiacal grilled cheese sandwich with truffle oil and then brutishly forcing himself upon her in a hotel kitchen.
Sadly, the tantalizing sandwich failed to succeed in whetting Serena's sexual appetite (and instead resulted in an awkward, attempted-rape) but perhaps you'll have better luck!
According to rapper-slash-property owner 50 Cent, "You don't have to buy a $50 million home to build a lifestyle that's equivalent." Of course, that proverbial widsom didn't stop 50 himself from investing in a decadent 52-Room, $10 million residence, but you get the point. Besides, he's trying to sell! After which point, the rapper avows, his future house "might be a lot smaller…the basics—maybe four or five bedrooms." Then again, odds are it might not. [Stereohyped]
Having trouble "keeping up" with all those Kardashians? Well here's the 30-second update. Unemployed actress-turned-Playboy pinup Kim was recently burgled! The posterially enhanced former sidekick to Paris Hilton had her luggage swiped from JFK airport, suffering an estimated $50,000 in losses.
For a moment, we almost felt sorry for her! That is, until we remembered that episode of the MTV Cribs where Kardashian pranced around her giant, overly decadent mansion, and proudly declared that she never, ever wears her designer gowns (of which she has several hundred) more than once. [OK!]
“I know people looking in from the outside will ask why someone like me keeps working so hard,” Mr. Steger says. “But a few million doesn’t go as far as it used to. Maybe in the ’70s, a few million bucks meant ‘Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous,’ or Richie Rich living in a big house with a butler. But not anymore.”
–From the Technology section of yesterday's New York Times
This morning, we were sitting in our closet-sized apartment, eating a can of tuna fish for breakfast [Ed Note: It's also lunch and dinner] bemoaning our lack of dental insurance and typing away on our 8 year-old computer (it works just fine, except it's slow as hell and missing the "F" and "W" keys) while piggybacking off our neighbor's wireless internet connection when suddenly we came across this article on Reuter's about Oprah's $260 million salary.
Oprah Winfrey, host and supervising producer of "The Oprah Winfrey Show," earns an estimated $260 million a year, according to a list in TV Guide magazine's July 23 issue. Music producer Simon Cowell, the blunt and often contentious British judge of "American Idol," placed a distant second to Winfrey, with $45 million for his role on the Fox network's smash hit talent show and other projects.
Jeez, no wonder Oprah's always smiling her ass off. We'd be happy, too, if we had our own hair and makeup team (or even just enough cash to buy some decent foundation from Sephora).
The Conrad Black trial continues, and—though the defense announced yesterday that they will not be calling Donald Trump as a witness—the circus nonetheless continues.
And in the latest courtroom drama, the media mogul's defense team called an expert witness to the stand in the hopes that he might legitimize Black's exorbitant home decorating costs as business expenses. Unfortunately, that tends to be rather difficult when the 'minor renovations' total, oh, approximately $4.6 million.
Conrad Black renovated a New York apartment with $4.6m (£2.31m) of fittings, including an antique Chinese carpet, a Napoleonic shaving basin and an Indian marble sculpture - simply in order to bring it up to a "habitable" condition, a jury heard today.
Fighting charges of fraud and racketeering, Lord Black's lawyers called an accountant, Lee Williams, as an expert witness to testify that all of the former Telegraph owner's expenditure was legitimate.
The defense strategy worked flawlessly for approximately thirty seconds, at which point the moment prosecution began their cross-examination of the witness, who found himself rather unable to explain how items such as "a 1920s Chinese carpet costing $33,000" or "a Persian mother of pearl box for $9,600" could be deemed worthwhile business write-offs.
Calling all social-climbers, Bergdorf Blonds and Tinsley wannabes! Ever heard of PocketChangeNYC.com? It's the go-to site for obnoxious articles lauding everything from overpriced haircuts to overpriced spa treatments and overpriced meals (think Waverly Inn)!
The site* is written in the first person, ostensibly from the viewpoint of "Richard Nouveau," a fictional WASP wannabe with a penchant for spending obscene amounts of his parents' cash to validate his own self-worth. Nouveau (as in "nouveau riche") epitomizes material wealth, and is modeled after the archetypal rich kid who wore penny-loafers back in high school, and who—according to his (also fictional!) bio— "prefers the company of his fellow Princeton alumni, but is graciously tolerable of those from Exeter, Yale and that school near Boston that he can never quite recall."
Et cetera, et cetera. All of which becomes infinitely more interesting when you find out that the role of "Richard Nouveau" is currently being played by…
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Got $10 million to burn? Well, why not spend it on 50 Cent's 52-room Connecticut mansion! Forget standard amenties like heat and A/C. The gun-toting rapper's tricked out pad has a helicopter pad, an infinity pool and spa and a movie theater. And that's just the beginning.
[The mansion] features about 18 bedrooms, 37 bathrooms, a gym, duel billiard rooms, racquetball courts and a disco. The asking price is unknown, but local brokers – who tell the paper the house could be a small hotel were it not for zoning laws – estimate that it is more than $10 million…
"He's put a lot into it, and it's all very tasteful, except the stripper poles," Curt Clemens Sr., owner of Century 21 Clemens & Sons in Hartford, tells the paper.
"All very tasteful except the stripper poles?" Yes, of course. Because the heliport, movie theater and 37 bathrooms all scream "understated class."
Sometimes we just want to hug the New York Times for offering us those small, insightful glimpses into the lives of the eccentrically rich. Thanks to their thorough tutelage, we've already learned all about how rich people fight depression (they refurbish their kitchens!) what rich people do in the morning (they cause traffic jams in front of the 92nd Street Y!) and now, the newest trend for married couples with two different sleep schedules…customized apartments with master his and hers wings
Apparently the newest "big thing" in custom architecture is his/her master bedrooms, to accommodate husbands and wives with different sleep schedules, and—presumably—occasional "houseguests." Kidding! The article is quick to point out on at least four or five different occasions that the separate bedrooms have absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the couples' sex lives.
More about this not-sex-related trend after the jump!
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• Breaking: Positive press bonanza ends for Barack Obama as unreliable sources report he was a 6-year-old terrorist.
• 60 Minute alums strive to follow up success of boring, news magazine show with boring, news magazine.
• World News Tonight bounces back from Peter Jennings, Bob Woodruff tragedies to bitch-slap Katie Couric in the ratings.
&bull: Related: CBS is 'absolutely thrilled' with Katie Couric and her low-ranking news broadcast.
• The Boston Globe to cut costs, save lives, by pulling its reporters out of Iraq.
• Ron Burkle, Eli Broad fly to Chicago to fight over a company no one else cares about.
• Ed2010 founder lands her dream job 3 years ahead of schedule.
The latest Forbes listicle is out, giving us a ranked list of today's "active megastars," (a.k.a. "Top 20 Richest Women,") telling us how much bank our favorite working girls are actually pulling in. Turns out, it's a hell of a lot.
Unsurprisingly, Oprah leads the way with a net-worth of $1.5 billion, with J.K. Rowling trailing pitifully at a mere $1 billion fortune. The list extends through to the Olsen Twins, whose combined fortunes total approximately $100 million, all the way down to Renee Zellweger, who's in dead last with a paltry $45 million.**
Of course, the most amusing part of all this is the information they've opted to include within each millionaire (or billionaire's) bio. After explaining the ground rules, (no has-beens like Barbra Streisand allowed), Forbes gives a brief synopsis cataloguing each lucky lady's background and professional endeavors, as well as noting her name, rank, net work, age, marital status, number of children and source of worth.
Jennifer Aniston
Rank: 10
Net Worth (In $ millions); 110
Age: 37
Marital Status: single
Kids: 0
Source: TV
Consider it this way. You may not be on Forbes list of the "Top 20 Richest Women," but at least you don't have to be constantly (and publicly) reminded of how pathetically alone you are in the universe. Unless, of course, you happen to read The New York Times.
Earlier: The Reason You're Still 'Single In The City?' You're Not Thinking 'Old' Enough
**Unlucky, Dylan McKay!
• Brad just can't seem to find a good role these. Maybe he should go to a third-world country for inspiration/more kids?
• High-end prostitute arrested for charging more than it costs to be a crappy, Japanese car.
• Goodbye Markt, hello never-ending Meatpacking District rent hikes.
• Be aggressive, be, be, aggressive.
• Rosie v. Trump, the video game. Much funner (less annoying) than the real thing.
• Joe Francis escapes "most" charges of not carding his girls.
Gerald Levin, the former chairman and CEO of Time Warner, is bringing his super-secret, super-expensive new age spa to the bright lights and big city. Levin, who left his media gig back in 2001, launched his first relaxation center in Santa Monica shortly after meeting his wife, Lauren Perlman, two years ago.
Naturally, Perlman admits Levin's desire to "get in touch with his inner poet" was what first attracted her to him. And, you know, his giant (severance) package.
Likewise, Levin's center appeals to people looking to drain their worries. Draining their bank accounts is just a bonus.
For the bargain basement annual fee of $175,000, Levin provides clients with a myriad of ineffectual relaxation techniques, ranging from shamanism to brain painting. And while the ratio of "new age practitioners" to "real medical doctors" stands at 80:3, Levin hopes to appeal to big-spending clientele with promises of secrecy:
"There are no group therapy sessions," writes Snyder in W. "And to prevent paparazzi from staking the place out, every visitor is asked to sign a nondisclosure agreement, promising never to reveal Moonview's location."
Because, as any thetan soldier can tell you, the media traditionally looks oh-so-favorably on members of creepy, celebrity cults.
Editorial Director
