Tommy Lee Jones as Dan Rather? Laura Linney as Mary Mapes? Paul Newman as Sumner Redstone? Three brilliant casting ideas that should be sent directly to Casting Society of America members, and producer Mikkel Bondesen, as ideas for the Dan Rather movie. Of course, we're going to need an actual news anchor covering the saga to appear on a background television, a score of sleuth bloggers punching away at their keyboards, and Tom Selleck as former CBS News president Andrew Heyward.

In the months ahead, Dan Rather is going to get to throw down with former CBS News president Andrew Heyward, current CBS head Les Moonves, and maybe even CBS grand poobah Sumner Redstone. The first two are scheduled to give depositions in Rather's wrongful termination suit against CBS, where he's claiming the network so tarnished his reputation in the aftermath of Memogate that he was unable to get hired at NBC, ABC, or CNN. Rather, of course, has since found work in the nether regions of the cable dial on HDNet, where he receives less exposure than his court filings.

Eighty-five-year-old Sumner Redstone, who's spent much of his career steering Viacom, and then CBS, into a media conglomerate sporting some of the most valuable properties in the industry, has no intention of making his legacy a family affair. He will not select daughter Shari to succeed him when his last day leading the companies arrives. But also, Redstone is crazy: "I’m not worried about [naming a successor] ’cause it’s going to be another 20, 30 years." And: Shari's camp says this is all nonsense. [NYT]

Though they parted ways in 2006, Sumner Redstone and Tom Cruise may re-join forces for a fourth Mission: Impossible. The cranky Viacom and CBS chairman, who thus runs the Paramount movie studio, says he still considers Cruise "a great actor and a good friend" (notice the degrees of acknowledgment there) and wouldn't object to him starring in M:I4, though in the end he says he's leaving that call to studio head Brad Gray. That's Brad Gray, as in the guy who's running the industry's top studio right now, so it's like, yeah motherfucker, he's making the call. [AP]

Sumner Redstone, who continues to play grandpa to both CBS and Viacom even after the companies went their separate ways, has a few remarks for one of his offspring. Actually, just one remark: You fucked up.

Okay. "Made a mistake" was what Redstone actually said about Les Moonves, the smiling operator behind CBS, who bought the rights to broadcast an event from Elite XC, the mixed martial arts sport that promises to be violent. That bloodsport is normally shielded from broadcast and aired only on cable, but Moonves is after cheap ratings for the tiffany network. — though that doesn't mean Redstone, who has as much at stake in seeing CBS succeed, is happy about it.

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The media has oversimplified the decision by Paramount to stop selling its shows to Showtime! You see, Paramount is Viacom's movie studio, while Showtime is CBS's premium channel, and the two were getting along so well ever since Viacom and CBS went their separate ways, but now Paramount is teaming with MGM and Lionsgate to create a new premium channel.

Les Moonves, who heads CBS, played nice in press reports with Viacom chief Philippe Dauman. Moonves' deputy, Showtime chief Matthew Blank, told the Times, "We wish them well." Dauman not-so-blandly opined, "It’s our responsibility at Viacom to drive our strategy to benefit our shareholders."

But now one newspaper is fueling rumors all this backroom dealing is a move to try to oust Moonves! CAN YOU BELIEVE?

Corporate daddy Sumner Redstone, who chairs both Viacom and CBS, is said to be unhappy with CBS's crappy stock performance. Or at least those are the rumors Dauman's been able to plant, as he eyes the throne of octogenarian Redstone, who, despite his misgivings, must leave this earth, and his companies, at some point.

In front of hundreds of agents, publicists, and reporters on Tuesday, Tom Cruise did his best Sumner Redstone. It was on film, to be sure, in the black-facey fake-turned-real war movie Tropic Thunder, which was being screened by Paramount for Tinsletown's most important. (Photos of Cruise in a fat suit surfaced in November, but when Cruise's attorneys complained to agency INF, the images were pulled from distribution.)

After the Paramount boss axed Cruise in 2006 after his couch-jumping and ranting stunts, and the twosome's more recent, and widely reported, sharing of a meal, this send up is either A) an excellent, self-deprecating way to get the duo back on good terms; B) an excellent way to drum up viral support for the movie.

Tom Cruise is breaking bread with Sumner Redstone, in a very public lunch, because the couch jumper knows Valkyrie is going to bomb, and wants to secure his near future (which includes appearing in a fat suit) before he's panned across America. But don't expect Mission: Impossible 4 to arrive with Cruise on board; Paramount wants someone younger and more controllable. [Fox 411]

Tony Bennett wasn't the only one singing a toast to Sumner Redstone at a tribute to him last week. Face The Nation anchor and country crooner Bob Schieffer, who's leaving CBS News, also gave the Viacom honcho a tune:

"You are the guru, and who would know but you what a little change in Viacom’s name would do. Have an éclair, Mr. Redstone, buy some networks, make a movie, play a tune. Take a break now, Mr. Redstone, ’cause another deal will come along real soon."

But a call to arms wasn't the only idea on Bob's mind; the ousted Tom Cruise also got a shout out.

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"According to several people close to [Sumner and Shari Redstone] relations between father and daughter are anything but lovey-dovey, and their conflict appears very much alive." Also surprisingly still alive: Sumner Redstone. [LAT]

When asked about their new media strategy, CBS sums it up in the most concise way possible: by drawing an analogy between their online expansion efforts and those kinky—but invariably unattractive—adult swingers looking for promiscuous no-strings-attached sex.

"Swingtown" is a CBS television show, scheduled for midseason, about partner-swapping couples. It's also what CBS executives lightheartedly call their new Internet strategy. The idea is to let their online material be promiscuous: Instead of limiting their shows and other online video to CBS.com, the network is letting them couple with [other websites]. "CBS is all about open, nonexclusive, multiple partnerships," said Quincy Smith, president of CBS Interactive.

Neat! So, assuming the swinger analogy still stands, CBS is kind of like the creepy much-older guy at a party, hitting on all the hot underage co-eds by plying them with alcohol, feeding them cheesy pick-up lines and staring intensely at their breasts all as part of some pathetic misguided attempt at recapturing his youth?

Yep, sounds about right to us.

Viacom honcho Sumner Redstone is scheduled to speak at Boston University tomorrow afternoon. If there's a Q&A portion, we sure hope someone asks him about his awesome new web platform Flux, which is sure to be the hottest social networking site this Yom Kippur.

Ever wondered how the eternally youthful Sumner Redstone stays so spry, vibrant and wrinkle-free? Turns out, he's on drugs! Strange overpriced elixirs, that keep his unsightly jowls, rampant Rosacea and droopy, bloodshot eyes looking their absolute best.

Viacom/CBS chief Sumner Redstone, 84, claims to be getting a boost from a little-known, antioxidant-rich concoction called MonaVie, a dark-purple elixir whose main ingredient is the Brazilian acai berry, long touted for its anti-aging ingredients. "It's a miracle drug," says Redstone.

Looks as though MonaVie is truly living up to their old advertising slogan. "MonaVie: Keeping eccentric rich people alive five ten, even fifteen years past their expiration date."

And how!

Google wants Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert (of Viacom's Comedy Central) and Viacom chief Sumner Redstone to give depositions. Viacom, meanwhile, wants Google heads Larry Page, Sergey Brin, and Eric Schmidt. [Reuters]

• Apparently unsatisfied with the legal battles waged against his brother, daughter and son, Sumner Redstone also plans to slap his wife with divorce papers.

• Bourne Ultimatum rakes in $70.1 or $69 million in its opening weekend, depending on how much you care.

• Rupert Murdoch promises: "I won't meddle any more than [NYT publisher] Arthur Sulzberger does." In other words, we're all screwed.

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