Comparing Us Weekly to In Touch is both an exercise in futility and the best thing we’ve read all day. [Magazine Rack]

Bonnie Fuller, who yesterday announced she was leaving her editorial director post at AMI to work on new things, knew she was going to get picked up by the industry press, who have never taken kindly to her. Keith Kelly reminds us that “In the end, few are sorry to see her leave AMI.” [NYP] And the Post also took the time to mock up this faux tabloid cover, with coverlines, “Terrible Tyrant Tossed!,” “Pecker Wins Day!,” and “Former Staffers Jubilant!” Eh, it’s kind of weak, but they did manage to squeeze four exclamation points on the thing, and even Bonnie would respect that.

Is the willingness of celebrity weeklies to engage in political fodder – Bill Clinton essays, Barack Obama “Just Like Us?” spreads – evidence that tabloid readers are interested in mixing politics with escapism, or are the editors so starved for actual content that isn’t recycled from the blogs that they’re looking to any pop culture talking points for an easy pictorial?

We’re going to go with a more simple rationale:

CONTINUED »

Are these seven-figure sums that celebrity weeklies pay for exclusive pics justifiable? Are magazines actually turning a profit from these huge payouts? Is the inflation of photo prices only benefiting the celebs?

In a story that could’ve been on the shelf for weeks, the Times‘ Richard Perez-Pena looks at the tabloid industry’s growing tendency to pay huge sums for exclusive photos.

So what are the answers to the questions above?

Yes, yes. And yes. (Asterisk, asterisk. And asterisk.)

CONTINUED »

AUDIT BUREAU OF PERCOLATION With audit data finally here for 2006 (Was Britney a complete mess then? Cannot remember!), the celebrity weeklies are showing off just how many times they missed their rate bases. Every tabloid missed the mark in double digits, except for People BECAUSE THEY ARE PERFECT. [NYP]

Kudos to Us Weekly for being the only tabloid wise enough to realize Americans might be just as interested in Beyonce and Jay-Z’s (maybe) wedding as, say, a white girl like Katherine Heigl’s.

Janice Min might be the only celeb weekly editor who understands the newsstand lure of black celebs; her magazine’s Janet Jackson “How I Lost 40 Pounds” issue was among its best selling ever (though it’s said that Min was on leave, and didn’t have much to do with it).

While the paparazzi hounded the Tribeca apartment building where Jay-Z and Beyonce supposedly got married, and the local television news had a field day guessing why everyone was wearing white, OK!, In Touch, Star, and Life & Style all ignored the week’s biggest story on their covers.

How come?

CONTINUED »

Judging from this week’s tabloid covers, it was an uneventful week in Hollywood, besides the fact that Jay-Z and Beyonce got married in an anticlimactic top secret ceremony. Luckily, for all five of you who care, Us Weekly has the mundane details.

Britney only made one cover this week, which must mean her road to recovery has been going smoothly over the last seven days. But not so fast! In Touch swears the trainwreck is having a relapse, complete with bloody scalps and bald spots. Yum.

Also this week: Us finds yet another angle to the presidential race, some stars lost baby weight and Kim Kardashian continues to whore out her “exclusives” for the spotlight.

CONTINUED »

Turns out People magazine’s Christina Aguilera baby photo issue, which cost them a reported $1.5 million, sold better than the estimated 1.3 million copies originally thought; it moved 1.45 million on the newsstand.

That’s one highlighted stat from the latest tabloid data, which shows People up 5 percent year-to-date, with an average 1.5 million copies moving on the newsstand, according to ABC data being released today. The mag’s biggest mover? January’s Heath Ledger, which sold 1.8m, thanks to it being the only weekly to close late enough to catch the obit. But that issue is expected to be bested by Jennifer Lopez’s newborn twins, with estimates of 1.9m.

And how is the competition faring?

CONTINUED »

If all goes accordingly, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s baby twins could fetch upwards of $10 million from the right celebrity magazine. The deal will likely be worked out before she’s even in her third trimester, and far before she’s admitted to the hospital under a cloud of security. Placed in the proper high-yield investment fund, those twins could be worth $50 million each before kindergarten.

Haven’t you heard? Britney Spears is on the road to recovery! Sure, you thought this was the case when she finally divorced then-nutjob Kevin Federline and made her David Letterman appearance, but now she’s doing Responsible Person things like showing up for work and keeping her hair in tact. And her guest spot on How I Met Your Mother? It’s getting rave reviews all around!

OK! applauds the effort: “Her performance was so good, she managed to wow not only the audience, but her co-stars as well.” People says Britney “took a major step in reviving her career.” Us Weekly is pleased to report on “her big TV comeback.”

And it looks like it’s only Star who can’t get on the happy train. Its new issue’s secondary cover story? Britney’s “Secret Meltdown.”

While Ashton Kutcher might think he’s punking the celebrity press with spam-happy Pop Fiction, most celebrity weekly editors say his stunts are fooling them.

After all, the tabloids have eyes and ears everywhere; you think J. Lo goes on vacation without her handlers first checking with Larry Hackett to see if it’s okay?

So while they might run photos of Paris Hilton and her “shaman,” they also report that the whole thing is a stunt. Luckily those celebrity blogs don’t have the resources of an always-accurate tabloid.

When this week’s People magazine hit this morning, Americans got their first $6 million peek at Jennifer Lopez’s new twin babies Max and Emme. So cute! So adorable!

And then when readers flip to the inside pages of the magazine, there’s another story about twins. Except this one is about a father who stabbed his twin daughters to death.

Awk-ward.

(Click image for larger version)

Oh, Salon. The dek head to this story about the gossip industry – “Why the golden age of celebrity gossip is grinding to an end” – proves just how woefully out of touch even web magazines can be.

It is not “grinding to an end.” It has ground to an end. Maybe even last year.

“In the past decade, the rag trade had exploded, bringing vaguely shameful joy to millions of transatlantic travelers, subway commuters, grocery store shoppers and those languishing in doctors’ offices,” writes Rebecca Traister. “But now it seems a confluence of events has changed the manner in which America gobbles its vapid information about celebrities. […] So what has changed about America’s relationship to celebrity gossip? Lots.” We would’ve expected this from Sunday Styles, but not from you.

What else do we learn in this casual stroll through recent gossip history? Celebrity weeklies don’t need news, just photos; tabloid journalism used to rely on catching celebs off guard, but now fame whores like Paris and Nicole go the extra mile for the attention; reality stars now count as famous.

But we will give Traister credit where it’s due: She didn’t say the word “blog” once.

It’s been a slow news week for Hollywood, which means Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are back to gracing the cover of Us Weekly and Brangelina are having problems again. It’s the same song and dance, really.

CONTINUED »

We’ll admit it: We miss Crazy Britney. Not that we don’t want her to get better and have a huge comeback — we do. But this in-between stage is really boring, and we’re not sure how to handle it. The tabloids are obviously feeling our pain, as they choose to either ignore her or report ridiculously over-the-top stories about how she’s carrying a paparazzi fetus. Go easy on the mags; they’re still learning how to cope.

In other news, babies are everywhere — from Brit and Brangelina to Kate Hudson and Katie Holmes. And, as you may have heard, J.Lo delivered her twins recently. As you can imagine, she was a complete sweetheart during the delivery process.

Also this week: Speidi keeps popping up, Kirsten sets a rehab deadline and Barack tries to snag the highly-coveted tabloid vote.

CONTINUED »

She’s a trainwreck, yes, but Britney Spears moves magazines. She’s got a whole economy devoted to her. But she’s also a very troubled girl, whether she’s got a drug habit, bi-polar disorder, or overprotective parents. (Hat trick?)

So when do the tabloid press cross the line, from driving the press machine she bought into, to invading her privacy and preying on an ill woman?

CONTINUED »

If there’s one thing we learned from high school, it’s that women hate women. Maybe it’s evolutionary, but girls constantly put one another down, criticize one another and are jealous of any attention or success their peers get.

And unlike Calculus, we haven’t forgotten this lesson as we’ve gone through the world. Women are bitches. It’s just a fact.
Based on the ads for tampons and vaginal perfumes, tabloids are read mostly by women. So it’s no surprise that these magazines devote more space to struggling starlets than to actors who should actually be on suicide watch.

Sexism isn’t to blame, exactly. Women just get off on seeing beautiful women struggle. Serial drunk driver Keifer Sutherland can be saved. But Paris Hilton deserves what’s coming to her.

Sympathy doesn’t sell magazines. Schadenfreude, however, moves units.

We’ve been remiss on our Nip/Tuck watching, so recently we crammed four or five TiVo-d Dr. Troy splurges into a single viewing bonanza.

It just so happened that, while fast-forwarding through millions of dollars worth of commercials, we actually did catch a glimpse of a promo for the second season of Dirt, the Courteney Cox vehicle where she plays a tabloid editor a la Bonnie Fuller.

Given we stopped watching the show during the first season, right about when the crazy guy took the office hostage, we were only remotely interested in the show’s March 2 return.

Though we did want to see how writers would treat real-life Fuller’s veritable loss of power at her own company. Our guess: They would ignore it for a plotline only mildly more sexified.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, today F/X announced they are canceling any new production on ABC Studios’ Dirt, as well as channel cousin The Riches from Fox TV Studios, beyond the seven episodes of each churned out before the writers strike dried up the script well. So does that spell demise for Cox and her schizophrenic paparazzo pal?

CONTINUED »

Americans walking through the check-out aisle do, in fact, care how much they pay to read exclamation points attached to photos of Britney Spears on the covers of tabloids. Which is why, when Bauer upped by $1 the price of In Touch and Life & Style under pressure from wholesalers (who get a cut of the sale), newsstand sales dropped by a third. But that was two months ago, and customers have, at least in part, been drawn back to the incessant Brangelina coverage.

But with rate hikes planned across the celeb weekly board, how will the others fare?

CONTINUED »

You’re waking up to rampant grabs for exclusive news that Angelina Jolie is once again pregnant … with twins! Star magazine’s senior exec editor Martin Gould sent out a late-night email claiming its their exclusive and “PLEASE ENSURE YOU CREDIT STAR AND LINK TO THE STARMAGAZINE.COM” (o-kay!).

Photo agency Bauer Griffin is hyping its own website scoop: “Sources have told only Bauer Griffin Online that not only is the pregnancy rumor true, and it’s twins, but that Angelina was spotted at the OB GYN office of the doctor who helped Nicole Richie.” That doctor is Dr. Jason Rothbart, whose fees just doubled.

Us Weekly seems to be falling behind, with only a Jan. 16 item that quotes George Clooney shooting down rumors of the pregnancy. Clearly he’s a stupid moron!

Even the disreputable photo agency X17 is claiming an “X17 XCLUSIVE,” with the balls to say that “other news outlets have been speculating that Angelina Jolie is once again with child, but an X17online inside source confirms that she’s not only pregnant, she’s expecting twins!” How xclusive!

Most surprising, however, is neither TMZ.com nor People have yet to post a story about it. It’s as if they’re waiting for a confirmation or something! And Bauer’s Life & Style and In Touch, which last week published one of its regular Angelina “Pregnancy News” cover stories – which is suddenly more relevant than the “Britney Spears: ‘I’m Not Crazy’” cover that hit newsstands Wednesday – is also absent from the conversation. And they live for Brangelina!

And if you think the new MySpace Celebrity has any updates for you, well, you’re probably one of those people who never decamped MySpace for Facebook.