The sky falling isn't the only noise being made inside MSNBC's halls. That drip-drip-drip into the cesspool of water collecting in amidst the rubble? It's Rachel Maddow, whose upcoming namesake show provides newspeg for a slew of profiles about the "accidental radio personality"-cum-television star. Two we managed to get through were Time's and the Boston Globe's. Not surprisingly, because Maddow is a woman, both had to comment on her physical appearance.

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You know what's hard? Having opinions about current events. Because not only do you need to, you know, read about current events, you also have to make judgments from objective information. Also, forming coherent opinions with rhetorical flair? That's the worse.

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Vladmir Putin is Time magazine’s Person of The Year.

Russia is a creepy place, Whoopi Goldberg is an idiot, and our acceptance speech for winning the award two years in a row will have to go unused.

What else is there to say? This self-made story is a blatant attempt to boost Time's newsstand sales and web hits, and it works every time. You can read more about their selection process here.

The Supreme Court of Indonesia orders Time magazine to pay $106 million in damages for "defaming former Indonesian dictator Suharto [who] seized power in a 1965 coup that left up to half a million people dead and ruled the country with an iron fist for the next three decades, killing or imprisoning hundreds of thousands of political opponents." Justice is served. [NYLawyer]

While Rick Stengel was making friends all over the place at Tuesday night's Time 100 party, Ana Marie Cox was not. The Time.com Washington editor, we're told, was not an invited guest at the dinner portion of the evening — and as you can imagine, she wasn't pleased. If they could make room for random execs from Time's stable of advertisers, surely they could accommodate Ms. Wonkette.

Even after pleading with Time Inc.'s own events team for a dinner seat, she wasn't given one. So how'd she end up at the dinner? By resorting to our favorite third-grade tactic: stealing someone else's chair.

And she wasn't going to let the miced-up in-house organizers forget it: Once inside, she fired off a text message to one particular staffer who denied her request, saying only, "Ha!"

But Ana wasn't alone: We also hear Julia Allison wasn't given a proper seat either, which would explain her table hopping athletics. Though, in all likelihood, she would've bounced around the room and sat in laps either way.

You're only reading this for the boldfaced names. So fine, let's cut to the chase: Martha Stewart, Richard Branson, Michael J. Fox, Cate Blanchett, Brian Willams, John Mayer, Gayle King (sans Oprah) and Elie Wiesel were there, separately of course. Not to mention America Ferrera, George Lucas, Arianna Huffington, Ziyi Zhang, Elizabeth and John Edwards, Brian Grazer, and Malcolm Gladwell's hair. And yes, there were more. Like those girls behind The Secret.

And, now that we've got that out of the way, we can get on with telling you about last night's Time 100 event. For starters, it was at Jazz at Lincoln Center at the Time Warner Center, which is akin to, say, you throwing a party in your own 80-story glass tower. Except it wasn't you, it was Dick Parons.

It's Time's third year in a row throwing this bash, which is part marketing gimmick, part celeb worship, and part excuse to impress Jordan's Queen Rania (and, of course, Julia Allison) with the Central Park view.

Time Inc.'s publicity team can rest assured: They've succeeded in all three.

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• Twelve weeks and counting for Us Weekly EIC Janice Min and boss Jann Wenner to reach a new deal before her contract runs out.

• Bravo buys TelevisionWithoutPity, tries to keep on screwing the freelancers.

• Meanwhile, Bravo's Project Runway re-ups with Tim Gunn as host. Nice negotiating with those rumors of begin too busy, Gunn!"

• That Page Six plugs corporate cousin HarperCollins is news now relegated to a footnote.

• Fox TV and Hearst team up for web videos you won't watch, be able to find.

• Salon gossip aggregator Scott Lamb tires of checking RSS feeds. So does that mean the celebrity category is or isn't saturated?

• Mr. Magazine names Relish the "Launch of the Year." We name Mr. Magazine the "Needs to Give Up That Hack Name" of the decade.

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Given that nobody is entirely disappointed or wholeheartedly impressed with Time's remake, we've got the perfect platform to nitpick, as there's no one obvious error made by Richard Stengel and his design team. (Well, their attempt at wit was pretty glaring.) Which means AdAge's Nat Ives has ample interview opportunities with print publishing's finest to give everyone a say in the matter. Like In Touch's Richard Spencer.

Well, you've asked someone who created a very photo-heavy magazine to comment, and I realize the responsibility Time has to the news, but I think any magazine's redesign should take into consideration that today's consumer wants something very visual and very immediate. With that said, there are three distinct problems: The cover doesn't tell me the magazine has been redesigned; the pacing still feels a little slow; and the photos don't pull me into the stories.

That is: Why put a fake weeping Ronald Reagan on the cover when real weeping Britney Spears pictures are only, like, $5k a pop?

• New Marie Claire style director Cleo Glyde struggled to stay thin. It only took two lipo surgeries later.

• Andy Richter is back on TV. Which explains why we didn't know what the hell that NBC show was in the on-screen guide.

• Portfolio is not doing the Louise MacBain story. Let's hope they're reinvesting their energy in that big Tribune tale.

• Former Page Sixer becomes Post biz editor. Sadly, it's not JPS.

• Us Weekly reporters party with drug addicts. For the sake of reporting.

• New Time has more white space. Less cowbell.

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• Wunderkind publisher Jared Kushner often works on the Lord's Day. Possibly because he's Jewish, definitely because he's "motivated."

• Conrad Black fraud trial to start this week. Which is great, cause we haven't had a media circus since the days of Scooter Libby and Anna Nicole!

• David Carr quietly wonders whether Village Voice might be slightly better off if its editorial director weren't a "hayseed" living in Phoenix.

• Would U.S. News make up fake data in its college rankings? And if so, would it target those "hot artsy chicks" over at Sarah Lawrence?

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• Time mag attempts to poach The New York Times' columnists; gets "brutally rebuffed" by op-ed contributors MoDo and Tom Friedman.

• Jared Paul Stern is cleared of extortion charges, plans to celebrate by throwing a really big lawsuit.

• Rupert Murdoch enters the billionaires' bidding-war over Tribune, hoping to combine the New York Newsday and the New York Post into new, crappy hybrid.

• GMA anchor Chris Cuomo comes this-close to being killed in that Iraq war President Bush keeps promising us we'll win.

• So apparently, you're not encouraged to take $50K joyrides on the company's private jet.

• The pervy NYT was right on the money-shot! Porn industry expected to determine the future of HDTV.

Goodbye Time, hello Atlantic.

That's the fourth-grader-with-ADD version of explaining the news that broke over the weekend with regard to Andrew Sullivan. The gay republican blogger – which, some might fairly argue, is an oxymoron wrapped in self-hate – is making the jump after more than a year of giving the Time Inc. website his devout following. Oh, did we mention there's lots of cash involved?

And even if there wasn't, it's nice to see Sullivan pull a Howard Stern and use his old digs to plug his new home:

That's what this blog, at its core and at its best, is about; it's what the readers of this blog care about; and it's what the Atlantic stands for. The prospect of being part of taking this deeply American institution into a new medium in a new century is, for me, an English immigrant, a real honor and privilege. The blog retains its complete editorial independence, of course. You have that guarantee. But it will, I hope, be part of something bigger as well: a voice in a new conversation, dedicated to the American idea, of no party or clique, in pursuit of freedom, national progress, and honor.

Also, in pursuit of more pageviews.

Is there really a nice way to go about firing someone? We're not entirely sure, but we can certainly think of a few tacky ways, and topping that list is the dreaded Speakerphone Termination. Unfortunately, that's exactly what happened at People Magazine today, when 44 editorial employees were let go, comprising approximately 15% of to the total job cuts at TIme Inc.

As The NYT reports:

Employees at People said they felt “shell-shocked” as Larry Hackett, People’s managing editor, delivered the news by speakerphone from the magazine’s New York offices. The news “was not sugar-coated,” one employee said, as employees were told that the company had to cut costs.

Both Time and People are scaling back their practice of using several correspondents to report and write a single article.

Well sure, we all joked about the fact that it took no less than six reporters to write a single story on Britney Spears, but slashing People's editorial staff? Eliminating Time magazine's bureaus in Los Angeles, Chicago and Atlanta? And over speakerphone, no less!

At least Time Inc. is already slashing its costs, eliminating the pesky need for pink-slips when a simple mass phone call will suffice. Next time, though, try and show a little class and do it over the bullhorn, 'kay?

Earlier:
Time Inc. Still 'Dedicated,' But Doesn't Need Dedication From As Many
Time Inc. All Jazzed About This Internet Thing, That's Why It's Cutting Jobs!

Time magazine might have just launched its new on-sale date, relaunched Time.com and finally ignited a modicum of interest in the newsweekly business – see how we just covered a huge piece of news in one line? J-school education at work! – but the real bit of Time Warner news you're going to care about is the extension of a Paula Zahn segment. And you thought CNN had tired of the news anchor. Those silly reports, where do they come from?

Because the only thing apparently worth watching on Paula Zahn Now her gimmick bit for baby boomers "Life After Work," CNN plans to branch out on the segment to its website as well. A microsite is to be born, filled with "video clips from the show, expanded coverage of the subjects profiled, photo galleries and various interactive elements." Synergy, people!

But after gloriously failed Time Warner ventures like OfficePirates.com, it's certainly comforting to know the media conglom at last has found its sweet spot: old people.

Rejoice, CBS, you're not the only ones.

Hey, y'all? Jon Friedman ain't having this Time Person of the Year shennaigans, ya heard? He's, like, pissed and stuff. Choosing you for its POTY was a "very unsatisfying choice" for Jon-Jon; the "ultimate cop-out."

Time has been widely ridiculed for seeming vague and wishy-washy. I'd agree that that the amorphous "You" doesn't really stand for anything. Time still comes out looking like a winner, though. It's getting a mountain of publicity, always a good thing in the media.

Oh, yeah, sorry about that. It's just we couldn't help taking another opportunity to talk about ourselves. It's not everyday we get put on the cover of a magazine inside one of those cute YouTube frames. But the next time a magazine chooses a cover in the hopes of publicity, we're totally not going to fall for it. Unless it's Brad Pitt on Vanity Fair. Or Leo, Will, and Jay-Z on GQ. Or Eva Longoria on Maxim. Or …