We barely got done writing this post about geniuses in the media comparing their situations to real-world crises — Kent Brownridge calling the Jen-Brad split his "tsunami"; Jon Bryne calling his ex-publisher's decision to sell off magazines a "hostage crisis" — when we found out it's not only media types who make horrible word choices, but also private equity guys!

Here's investment fund Starwood Capital chief Barry Sternlicht, who's been snapping up luxury brands like Taittinger champagne and crystal maker Baccarat, describing his current moves given the economy's collapse: He's "just waiting out the tsunami. [...] That's what this is, a financial tsunami." Nice one, dickhead!

"According to a new survey from Prince & Assoc., 81 percent of investors with $1 million or more in investible assets plan to take money away from their current advisor. An even larger number — 86% — plans to tell other investors to avoid their advisor. Only 2% plan to recommend their firm to other investors. That’s of critical importance, since wealthy investors often get investment advice from each other." [WSJ]

"Works by Banksy and other graffiti painters failed to sell in London today as buyers stayed away from an auction of contemporary and urban art. Less than a third of the 270 lots found buyers at Lyon & Turnbull's sale, which was the latest gauge of demand for street art after prices surged to records in the last three years. Dealers said demand, reduced by worries about the economy and confusion about the authentication of Banksy's pictures, may be an ominous sign for the mainstream art market." [Bloomberg]

Or maybe it was just because Pest Control, Banksy's official authentication agency, refused to give its stamp of approval on a number of the items. And art collectors willing to drop five and six figures on a work sort of like having the peace of mind that they're purchasing something authentic.

In the past 12 months, New York City mayor and potential real estate tax increaser Michael Bloomberg saw his personal fortune skyrocket some $8.5 billion. That's according to Forbes — which pegs his current wealth at $20 billion — which is basically a magazine that exists to estimate about this stuff. How'd the price kidnappers would demand for his release jump so much?

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The bankruptcy of Lehman Brothers (with assets of $639 billion). The fed's buyout of Merrill Lynch. The end of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac as we know them. Sure, all of this is going to effect the average American somehow — your taxes will now be going toward a war you didn't support and a bank you didn't have an account with — but how will it effect … the luxury market? Art! Jewelry! Real estate! Big commissions are on the line here:

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Normally it's the Europeans who take to the United States on currency fueled shopping sprees, swooping into Tiffany & Co.'s Fifth Avenue store and fleecing the first floor's precious stones while letting the American commoners take the elevator to the sterling silver floor, where nothing is shiny nor impressively expensive. Now, a twist: It's the Mexicans who see the "Sale: Today Thru the Foreseeable Future" sign hanging on the United States. Mexican billionaire and telecom magnate Carlos Slim — otherwise known as the world's second richest person, and decent philanthropist — snapped up a 6.4 percent stake in the New York Times, that struggling newspaper company, making him the third-largest shareholder. Though it certainly follows Slim's investment strategy: Buy low, sell whenever the mood strikes. When Phillip Morris' stock hit a four-year low, he bought $90 million worth. And just this year alone, the NYT Co.'s stock has slid 20 percent, as vultures hover over the Sulzberger family hoping to finally wrest it out of their control. Not that taking over the joint is Slim's M.O.; his filings insist his purchase is a "passive" investment, which means he's just waiting around until Bloomberg or Murdoch buy the thing outright.

Don't take this video too seriously you guys, it's not an official Diddy blog. He just wants to respond to some criticisms and "investigations" made over the Internet, while sitting in what appears to be his mother's guest bedroom.

The "jet controversy" Diddy refers to, incidentally, is the one he himself created when he made a "tongue-in-cheek" (hamfisted) video complaining about the rising cost of airplane fuel, which kept his private jet grounded. Then it turned out he didn't even own his own aircraft, but relied on the poorman's means of private air travel: fractional ownership via Netjets.

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For helping Fox News continue pulling in more viewers than any other cable network, Roger Ailes was rewarded $19.9 million in the last twelve months, double what he was paid in the year prior. His pay package includes a measly $5 million salary, plus a $1 million bonus and, from Fox News alone, a $4.5 million bonus. How are things looking farther up the ladder, though, where Rupert Murdoch sits? Still healthy, but not such year-over-year largesse. In fact, Murdoch's pay slipped last year. Fourteen percent lower, Murdoch's total compensation rang in at $27.5 million; $17.5 million of that was a cash bonus. As for Democrat-loving COO Peter Chernin? He beat the bossman, with pay of $28.8 million; even still, his award dropped a full 15 percent.

According to TV Guide's roster of television stars rolling around naked in $100 bills, Charlie Sheen sits atop the list, earning some $825,000 per episode of Two and a Half Men, a show whose popularity and critical acclaim we do not understand. Among the highest grossing ladies is Mariska Hargitay, who's picking up 400 large per hairstyle change in Law & Order: SVU. But before you find yourself thinking these dollar figures are astounding, inflated, and undeserved, remember that Simon Cowell is picking up $50 million to wear tight shirts on American Idol each season. Meanwhile, consider this: There was once a time when the stars of Friends were each earning $1 million per episode, and Jerry Seinfeld was picking up even more. God, television sucks these days.

Ralph Lauren, the founder and CEO of Polo Ralph Lauren Corp., was paid $34.2 million in total compensation last year, the fourth consecutive year he was the highest paid in his category. [WWD]

ABC's hit reality show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is notable not just for keeping drunk Ty Pennington employed, but also for changing people's lives. Down and out poor folks, who broke off the short end of the wishbone in life, get tossed the bigger end of the turkey carcass — and given a completely new home, gratis.

As cameras rolled and the coach bus pulled away, the overjoyed family toured their new home, thanked Sears and Home Depot, and cried in all the right places. Then, after neighbors were done looking on in envy, the show's crew left town, and the family was left to enjoy the spoils of their good fortune. Right?

Actually, no. In this housing market, even the lucky receivers of freebies are getting screwed. And sometimes, it's totally their fault. [AP]

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If even the Hamptons is seeing problems in the luxury real estate market — well, homes $10 million and up are selling, but nothing between $1-10m — then you know the recession has finally trickled its way up, hitting the new money elite who were once so wealthy on paper just a year ago. Now, they've seen their net worths dwindle to a mere eight figures! But the housing market crash, ever-weakening dollar, and tightening credit market aren't just affecting home sales. They're affecting the magazines favored by the rich, who actually own some of the boats seen in the pages of Yachting magazine; ad pages there are down 18 percent. At Power & Motoryacht, ad pages slipped 21.3 percent. So too are pleasure rags like Ski (down 18.7 percent), Hunting (21.1 percent), and Salt Water Sportsman (24.5 percent) taking a tumble. With a weak economy, companies slash their ad budgets first, so this downward trend makes sense. What doesn't make sense, then, is why a title like Running Times — a magazine about rapidly putting one foot in front of the other — has seen ad pages increase, by 6.2 percent. Please, Mr. Magazine, explain the complicated arithmetic! [MP]

Ed McMahon could lose his Beverly Hills mansion if he doesn't make good on $4.8 million in mortgage loans. Evander Holyfield's 54,000-square-foot home in Georgia could be repossessed if he doesn't meet his $10 million loan obligation. (He's not broke, he insists, just not liquid.) The housing market and the recession aren't just affecting normal people like non-New Yorkers; they're affecting celebrities too. But a quick trip down memory lane reveals that, uh, celebrities go broke all the time. Especially athletes!

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Well, not the poor. Just not the "rich young moms married to hedge-fund guys." Or at least not exclusively. [Dumenco]

Just in time for this season's hottest handbag, The Recession, it's The Official Filthy Rich Handbook. Written by Radar's Chris Tennant (ex-New York, Talk, Observer, and other publications devoted to rich people), it promises to inform you on "the perils of island-buying" and "why the wealthy swim nude."

The question, of course, is who will buy such a thing? Or even flip through it when it shows up in a gift bag?

Presumably, not the actual filthy rich, who already know how to be themselves, or have handlers to deal with such matters. And not anyone actually poor, who don't have the $11.95 to cough up, or they're already part of New York's inner circle, so they probably had a galley dropped off on their desk; either way, they're otherwise engaged, and thus unconcerned about whatever "The English Aristobrat" or "The Russian Oligarch" (two of Tennant's rich-people categories) are doing.

So who's the audience for this tome?

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