Thanks to Jared Paul Stern (and some stellar reporting from Campbell Robertson) everyone now knows how the wonderful world of gossip works. You give us what we want (money, photos, whatever) and we'll give you what you want (money, protection, whatever) and everyone's happy. Well, by "us" and "we" we don't actually mean "we at Jossip" (we don't have millions, nor do we care to protect anyone from anything) but the gossip industry in general.

Confused? Well, here — let the editor in chief of Star magazine, Joe Dolce, explain how things work. See, a bunch of magazines want to see Suri Cruise — even though most of them are speculating that something is terribly wrong with the poor child. The celeb tabloids will go to great lengths to keep readers happy, and what would make readers happy would be a photo of the much bustled about baby drooling and looking alive. The Times busiest reporter Katharine Seelye suspects Shiloh snagging People will get the first Suri pics. And how will they get them? JPS style, of course.

Mr. Dolce of Star said there were several negotiating tactics that magazines used behind the scenes to land a celebrity. “You could promise no negative stories on Tom and Katie for X number of months, though Tom and Katie would probably ask for a blackout more than anything else,” he said. “Or you might swing a deal like OK! had with Jessica Simpson — we’ll pay you $5 million and that will cover the next four stories.”

The best part is when People confirms this situation, saying the offers they've presented to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are "nothing Tom and his camp haven’t heard before.” See, guys. It's not just Page Six. The whole industry is like a mafia … minus the fat Italians.

Celebrity Baby, M.I.A., Stokes a Frenzy [Katharine Q. Seelye, New York Times]