It's a good thing we have Cindy Adams to break down the mysteries of the world for us. Who knew that people were gossiping so much? We're even gossiping about the gossips … which means we just needed to meta-fy this into gossiping about gossips who are gossiping about gossip.

GOSSIP. Everybody's bitching and moaning about gossip. There's even gossip about gossip editors like Bonnie Fuller. There's gossip about is Tom Cruise a he-she-or-it, will Angelina Jolie try to heal every leper colony in Africa, can it be someone's already stuffed Dick Cheney, anyone noticed that George Clooney has stopped gossiping about the gossip about him.

Gossip is actually a noble profession. Its root is the word "gospel." And the first four gossips? Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Pay attention, kiddies. Mother is talking The Bible here. Six days a week I'm actually doing holy work.

Did you hear that "kiddies?" Cindy Adams is actually a holy worker, and the bible is actually just one big book of rumors, gossip, and spin. Which leads us to wonder how much paparazzi sketches of Jesus and Mary Magdalene went for back in the day.

THE ETERNAL WISH FOR TASTY 'DISH' [Cindy Adams, New York Post]