Sarah Palin likes to shoot and kill things and then gut their still-warm carcasses. Bears, wolves, wild boars, moose, elephants, hawks, poverty-stricken Inuit children — like an evil Noah, Sar likes to round up all of God's creatures, two by two, and then execute them with guns and bows and arrows.

It's with regret that we report that Palin's passion for killing is one shared by less and less people each day. In the 15 years ended in 2006, America's hunting population dropped from 14.1 million to 12.5 million, a disconcerting development for everyone whose job it is to make and sell products designed to deceive and then slaughter animals. Thankfully, Palin, and pretty little murderers like her, have come along at just the right time to SAVE HUNTING!!!

Mrs. [Brenda] Valentine, 58 years old, is perhaps the most visible face of an industry effort to draw more women into the woods. As the number of male hunters has declined, the sport has targeted women … Now, they're seeking out spokesmodels and pushing weapons tailored for women, such as lighter crossbows. Television shows starring women shooters include "American Huntress" and "Family Traditions with Haley Heath," chronicling the hunting adventures of a young woman and her tag-along husband and children.

You know what they say, the family that kills together…

Besides adding a homey, relatable feel to the hunting industry with classy lassie spokeswomen, the hunting industry has started pinkifying things—guns, actually: "About five years ago, the outdoor-equipment industry began slapping pink paint on weapons, including handguns, and downsizing camouflage." Cute! Like toy guns! Toy guns children enjoy!

Nowadays, women love hunting so much they take to Internet sites for female hunters and share poetry with one another: "'I wish I may, I wish I might, have a big buck in my sight,' reads one contribution to WomenHunters.com's poetry page."

Killing's not just for fellas anymore, dudes! And if Sarah Palin's elected, neither will be hunting trips on which the Vice President of the United States shoots friends in the face. What a classy nation we is.