As we write this, we’re looking out the window and salivating over the picture perfect weather outside, currently being wasted on lazy unemployed persons and pretentious NYU students. And so, for your sanity and ours, we’ve decided to kick off a glorious new feature called “Comment of the Day,” to provide a transient glimmer of entertainment for all you working stiffs who would much rather be downing margaritas poolside on the Jersey Shore (while fending off advances from married, guidos named Tony) than slaving away in your cubicles.

Today’s “Comment of the Day” comes to us from The Superficial, and it regards Paula Abdul's recent lament that she's being treated like "a piece of dog s—."

As always, the comments from the peanut gallery were both entertaining and en pointe.

"I think she is actually made of cheese, botox and tree bark … and there is a single plum, floating in a bowl of perfume, where her brain should be," speculates Bern

"I thought she was dog s—" muses Donkey

But it's Spindoc who had won us over with his (or her?) funny-because-it's-true witticism.

"So all you have to do to get your own reality sho now is act like you are drunk all the time?" –Spindoc

Congratulations, Spindoc. But just so you know, Paula's not the first person to benefit from the "Wow, I'm intoxicated 24/7" formula&mdash. In fact, it's precisely that brand of inebriated self-promotion that helped catapult Janice Dickinson and Anna Nicole Smith to total trainwreck status.