Adventures in Fake Craigslist Postings
In the West Village, you could get at least $50 a month and daily fresh baked cookies.
$1 Room for ONE DOLLAR in Bright, Clean Apt. (West Village)
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Date: 2007-09-30, 9:37AM EDT
Yes, that’s right: just $1. Is there a catch? Of course. You would be sharing the 2 br apt with me and you must bake me cookies every day. I will tell you what kind of cookies the night before and you have until 6 pm the next day to have 50 of them baked and delicious for me. You may not use nutmeg unless I EXPLICITLY give you permission. Violation of this rule will result in immediate eviction and denunciation unto God. I do like cinnamon, however. Anise is banned, as are caraway, cardamom, and allspice. You may use vanilla extract but not the bean. Walnuts, almonds, and filberts are approved, whereas peanuts, macadamias, and cashews are not. Raisins are encouraged.
The kitchen is a baker’s fantasy: rolling pins, aprons, muffin tins, and heaps of shortning. You may use cookie cutters as long as they are not holiday themed. Several cutters will be supplied: a star, a heart, a crescent moon, and a doggie. The doggie is NEVER to be used to make cookies with sprinkles or jimmies, unless the cookies also contain marshmallows, in which case white sprinkles may be used as well.
The cookies must be presented artfully upon a silvern tray. Permitted garnishes include mint, thyme, candied flowers, and jellied fruits. Sugared figs are under review, but don’t get your hopes up.
Your bedroom measures 12′ by 16′, a decent size by Manhattan standards. The room is equipped with cable T.V., permanently set to the Food Network. You may only watch shows about cookies.
You must cover all the cost of all your ingredients.
If interested, please send me your favorite recipe for cookies, a short poem about cookies, and a picture of nice-looking cookies.
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