Maybe it's because we're not private investigators, investigatory journalists, had to take Newswriting 201 twice, and don't qualify as any Nancy Drew Hardy Boy team, but we're having a little trouble connecting this whole Anthony Pellicano/New York Times/FBI+DOJ investigation wiretap leak. So won't you walk through it with us?

• First, there is the Ron Burkle-Alison Hope Weiner connection. It was just a couple of weeks ago she helped spearhead (along with Campbell Robertson, et al.) the Times' investigation into Jared Paul Stern's Paid $ix scandal. Did Burkle leak her that info? [NYT]

• And Weiner, along with David Halbfinger, did a majority of the reporting on the "secret" e-mails between Jared Paul Stern and Burkle. (Another Burkle leak?) [NYT]

• Meanwhile, Michael Sitrick represents both Ron Burkle and ex-Disney chief Mike Ovitz (who are both involved in the same Anthony Pellicano wiretapping case). [LA Observerd, LA Weekly]

• Adding to the mix, Pellicano was hired by Hollywood hot shot divorce attorney Dennis Wasser (whose clients include Tom Cruise), who is now repping Burkle in the supermarket magnate's dirvorce. [Gawker]

• The NYT last week reported Pellicano tried to shake down Burkle in 2002 for $100k-$250k. If Burkle didn't pay up, Pellicano threatened to carry out Ovitz's investigation into Burkle — which, conflict of interest to the core, Pellicano was behind.

• Meanwhile, Burkle hired Pellicano to investigate Ovitz, at least according to Ovitz. That side plot was reported, of course, by none other than the NYT's David Halbfinger and Allison Hope Weiner. [NYT]

Don't know about you, but we could really use a drink .. not to mention some sunglasses and a trenchcoat. We're not claiming anything just yet, but it sounds a little convenient that the Times' Weiner had access to Burkle's stealth dealings … nearly all of which somehow land Burkle out on top.