In the aftermath of yesterday's mass-firings, it's time for all the Friday newspapers to take a poetic stab at describing the casualties. After all was said and done, Time fired a total of 289 people, 117 from the business side, 172 from the editorial side, to focus more of their energies towards their online ventures.

And while we certainly empathize with those who lost their jobs, we can't help but notice that the coverage of this whole episode has taken on a flair for the dramatic.

(Naturally, we're all for artistic license, but to read the account of what transpired yesterday, you'd think 289 people had lost their lives yesterday, rather than, well, merely the opportunity to write about Britney Spears to their hearts' content).

With this in mind, however, we've collected the most emotive descriptions of yesterday's tragedy for your voyeuristic reading pleasure. We hope that at this somber time, you'll read each of the various accounts with all the respect and dignity that it deserves.

The Chicago Tribune:

In the end, it's not about people or People, time or Time, it's about fortune and money.

WWD:

As one former Time Inc.-er described "it takes a day or so for the bodies to float to the surface.'"

MediaWeek:

One Time Inc. staffer said: 'The mood is really sad, really difficult.

And, of course, The New York Post:

"It's like Humpty Dumpty, [it] will never be put back together again."

While we applaud the rest of you for your noble efforts, there's really no better way to sum up what happened at Time Inc. yesterday than by comparing it to a nursery rhyme about a giant, fictitious creature who's half-egg, half-man.

Hat's off to you, Keith Kelly. And to the rest of you—better luck next time.