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Dear Ashley Dupre, Re: Your Future, Attn: Team Ashley

Dear Ashely,

First off, you look fantastic. The abs. The "V" torso. The cleavage. The uncaring glare on your face. You're a hottie, Dupre, and it's no wonder Eliot Spitzer might've dedicated taxpayer dollars toward your cause.

Second, good for you! We heard about that $2 million deal from reality-show producer David Krieff, who brought America such Emmy-worth programming as the TV special featuring Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding. Supposedly you're being offered the sum in exchange for exclusive rights to your life story? And that it's a way to profit from your headline-making career in a non-trashy way, like that Tila Tequila reality show offer would have?

And third, you want to be like the most obnoxious Ph.D. on television!

That's according to Krieff himself, who's part of Team Ashley, which also includes Miami lawyer Richard Wolfe, New York attorneys Jeff Levy and Adam Ritholtz and publicist Elizabeth Rosenthal. He says you have "a strong desire to give to a charity," that you're "very analytical," that you want "to help people," and that you see yourself "as a kind of Dr. Phil." This is especially exciting news, given that you fit the perfect profile for someone who would appear on Dr. Phil's show.

So we wish you all the best in your endeavors. You're very obviously an opportunist of a young woman, and have already climbed your way to the top in one regard. Nothing should stand in your ambitious way of homewrecking and profiteering while spending hours on the Jersey Shore perfecting your tan.


Jul 28, 2008 · posted by david · Link · Respond
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