Today in asinine decisions made by media conglomerates:

U.S. movie superstar Tom Cruise and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc. are resurrecting United Artists, the movie studio founded more than 80 years ago by screen legends including Charlie Chaplin and Mary Pickford, MGM said on Thursday.

Cruise will star in and produce films for the studio, and production partner Paula Wagner will serve as chief executive.

Cruise and Wagner will set the company's production slate from development to production greenlighting ability, subject to certain parameters, MGM said.

"Certain parameters?" Why, yes. Namely: Do not fire your PR handlers and go it your own. Also, replace couches with Ikea futons. They cost less to replace.