Although we can’t seem to shake the nasty habit of writing in the royal we, occasionally one of our editors decides to shake off the cloak of anonymity to write a short, pithy statement long, rambling diatribe about a topic of their choice. Today, Debbie Newman is that editor.

When reading this week's Sunday Styles, we couldn't help but notice New York Times reporter Mayrav Saar's insightful/disturbing piece about an emerging breed of teenage paparazzi and the unfit parents who enable them. Being awkward, introspective types, we've taken the liberty of preemptively injecting ourselves into these parents' mindsets. Our objective? To figure out what rationalizations will justify allowing your child to shun boring things like "high school," "prom" and "normal adolescence" in favor of the glitz and glamour inherent to stalking celebrities in exchange for monetary compensation.

Our theories, after the jump.

Based on the parental quotations from the article itself, we believe we've constructed a tentative understanding of what causes a person to say things like, "Austin does a lot of art photography; he is not a paparazzi" about her shutterbug son.

Rationalization #1. Not all paparazzi are total scum. In fact, there are "some" you might even condescend to "have over for a dinner party" sometime. At least, in theory.

Rationalization #2. Peddling celebrity sleaze for a living isn't as much of a full-contact sport as, say, tackle football. Or, as one mother explains, "[My son] can get just as injured in sports at school.” Touché, Madame.

Rationalization #3. It's highly lucrative. So much so, in fact, that it's seemingly worth destroying your kids' relationship with his best friend—and turning them into arch rivals—because of "disagreements" with the other boy's parents over "business matters."

Rationalization #4. You've already gone to the trouble of "install[ing] a dashboard DVD player in [your] Porsche 911 to wile away the time" while your adolescent son makes a living exploiting famous people.

Rationalization #5. It might just yield your child a reality show contract with the innovative production team who brought us Tori & Dean: Inn Love and that heartwarming classic, Wife, Mom, Bounty Hunter.

Rationalization #6. Let's face it, you weren't going to win any Parent Of The Year accolades anyway, seeing as you already allowed your kids to drop out of school enroll in a highly strenuous independent study program requiring them to complete occasional homework assignments.