That nipples — or is it mere areola? — are, much like actual genitalia, one of the defining lines between "acceptable" and "OMG NUDITY HIDE YOUR CHILDREN!!!" is something Americans learn at an early age. This explains why print advertisements around New York for the Brazlian rum Cabana Cachaça go without nipples, while advertisements for newspapers in Europe include full breasts. (Okay, not always; NSWF.) On television, nipples are an even bigger affront to civility, which explains why the Eva Mendes spot for Calvin Klein's new fragrance Secret Obsession was banned from U.S. airwaves in a convenient publicity-driving announcement. The scent's print spots, too, do not show nip.

But why, in an age where music acts and television shows can be named "Pussycat Dolls," are we still afraid of nipples?

If legal lore is to be believed, women are allowed to go topless around New York City (since men can go shirtless; it's an equality thing), except in a "commercial" setting, though this applies to things like topless bars, and not necessarily commercial advertising.

Even a federal appeals court turned over the FCC's ruling that Janet Jackson's Super Bowl nipple was indecent, relieving CBS of a $550,000 fine.

The only real notoriety that nipples have, then, is that not showing them becomes more titillating, and press-worthy, than actually showing them. And this, we cannot stand for.