Dirt continues to serve up fictional A-Listers' scandalous secrets on a silver platter…and we continue to (begrudgingly) follow along.

In this latest installment, Cox's Lucy Spiller character strengthens her hold on desperate B-Lister, Holt McClaren, and facilitates the downward spiral of McClaren's trusting (but cheating) girlfriend, Julia. Also, Bonnie Fuller's stand-in has now reverted to a single entendre as the hellish, no-holds-barred vixen, and invariably sports red clothing as an outward manifestation of her inner "evilness."

Indeed, both reviewers point towards the overly dramatized "Courteney Cox as the Devil" vibe, and seemed amused that the immoral one had enough journalistic integrity to protect her sources. (Also entertaining was how the "forbidden seduction scene" essentially evolved into Spiller taunting a vegetarian about his refusal to eat meat. Wuss!)

Meanwhile, there were a bunch of crazy twists and turns in the plot that had absolutely nothing to do with the impending Cox/Aniston makeout session, including updates on that crazy schizo guy, behind-the-scenes look at what publicists really do and unnecessary ass-shots.

Our Secret Tabloid Recappers weigh in after the jump.

Says Tabloider No. 1:

Amid all the usual gratuitous sex scenes (two butt shots within the first two minutes!), pointless backstabbing and silly paparazzi stunts, last night’s episode of Dirt did manage to stumble across a dirty little secret about celebrity tabloids: Truth is, at best, a bit flexible — depending on who’s feeding the information.

One of the storylines in Dirt tracks the downward spiral of once-rising actress Julia Mallory, whose boyfriend, Holt McClaren, has been converted into editrix Lucy Spiller’s most valuable source. So as, Lucy so helpfully points out, while the competition is “going full bore” on Julia’s latest drug-fueled frenzy, “we’re covering it as her courageous battle with addiction.” (Oh, and of course, “how she’s doing better thanks to her hot ass boyfriend.”)

Call it spin, but read between the lines in the celebrity weeklies, and it’s clear that there’s a reason why they’re painting a vixen or victim portrait of Jessica, Britney, and Paris et al. It’s all about whose friends (and enemies) are just a little too chatty.

Of course, we’re supposed to hate Holt for selling his soul to the devil, and last night’s episode continued to paint the caricature of Lucy as Satan herself. They’ve even started dressing her in red, abandoning all attempts at subtlety.

Bouncing back from being on the firing line just a few weeks ago, Lucy brazenly demanded a raise from her boss. (Choice quote: “People magazine would suck your dick for those sell-through numbers!”) Can’t blame her: She deserves it for the three souls she claimed last night. First, she got her brother to sell out his right-wing action star boyfriend. Then, she turned a struggling junior staffer into a take-no-prisoners negotiator. (Take that, dreaded publicist!) And finally, she sealed her deal with Holt with a kiss, even turning the vegetarian actor into a meat eater. (“We’re at the top of the food chain — we can eat whatever we want!”) Where’s the PETA protest when you need it?

Such choice one-liners are what I’ve come to cherish most about the show. Last night we got not one, but two fatuous gems about Hollywood. Pick your favorite:

1. “This is Hollywood: Someone is getting screwed and someone can’t wait to tell you about it.”
2. “This is Hollywood: Betrayal should have its own star on the walk of fame.”

Which one should the city adopt as its new tagline?

Still, given last week’s oversexed hijinks, last night’s episode was relatively tame—but it was the teaser for next week’s show that promised a real thrill: Guest star Pee Wee Herman!

Says Tabloider No. 2:

Perhaps I'm a little late for this party, but Dirt is fast becoming unwatchable. I really want to give this show a chance, but the parts I enjoy keep getting interrupted by uninteresting characters and absurd plot twists. I'm all for suspension of disbelief, but don't make me suspend too hard, and please, please, please; don't bore me with tired cliches and overacting.

Yet again, the whole strung-out actress routine has been done to death, so if she's going to kill someone(including herself), then she'd better do it in a pretty damn interesting way, and let's get on with it already. Further evidence of the her downward spiral and decline of her romance with Holt, whom I also barely care about, is unnecessary.

Next, we have Lucy's brother Leo, who may be new to the "scene" but is supposedly also savvy enough to at least realize that he isn't the first person in history to catch their lover being tended to by another. The idea that he'd be react like a jilted teenager and out Jake and destroy his career is as childish as it is uncreative. Who is he supposed to be? One of Clay Aiken's MySpace hookups?

Similarly unlikely and unbearable is Lucy Spiller's self-righteousness about revealing sources, which was even worse than the notion that Brent, when faced with a clear threat to his life, would pontificate to his threateners about said values. And are we to believe that Lucy has enough integrity to give up a life to protect a source, and yet isn't above outing an A-list star, which is absolutely taboo? She then praises a staffer for threatening to harass and slander a publicist's client who wont give them an exclusive. Ok, we get it. Lucy cares only about the mag, and for her, "ethics" are better as a tool than a rule. By the way, can someone tell me why a gay publicist was trying to barter an exclusive for sex with a female? Who's in charge of casting, anyway?

The level of Lucy-bashing was exceeded only by the degree of ham-fisted imagery. Not only does Lucy blow her chance to sleep with the "next big action hero", by being unable to shut her annoying mouth, but the whole forbidden-meat seduction scene was missing only the hissing snake on her shoulder and scary background music. I did like her one line though; "if eating the weak was wrong, why did God make them so delicious?" Why indeed. Mmmmm, the weak…..

The one redeeming character on this show is of course, poor Don - and he must be a pretty good actor, because I actually love feeling bad for the one of the lowest forms of human life. Everything happens to this guy, and aside from a paycheck, about the only thing he gets in
return for routinely enduring comically torturous pain (ever had an endoscopy?) is an everlasting friendship with Lucy. The closest Lucy came to Bonnie Fuller in this episode was when she got scolded by her boss for bailing Don out of jail. Lucy defensively claimed she bailed Don out for friendship. Plus, "he has the photos of our next cover story." Very Bonnie. But what else can they do to woeful Don at this point? Full body cast? Monkey Pox? Drop an Acme anvil on him? And I loved how he wasn't sure at first if Tom Cruise's, er, Jake Hason's guard was real or if he was just imagining him. I also think its sweet that his kitty is reminding him to take his meds since Sheila's gone. Good kitty.

Also on the plus side, watching nice-guy Wayne Brady reprise the thug groove he first hilariously unleashed on an "unwitting" Dave Chappel was fun, and I appreciated his culinary tips as well. So, I guess I'll still watch to see Don's next possibly literally side-splitting calamity, and also for the cameos. And because, well, its my job