Sure, Courteney Cox's Dirt may have already jumped the shark, but it's not everyday a television show comes around that's centered around the industry you obsess over – okay, perhaps it happens more often than you think) — so our only choice was to exploit the new FX series for all it's worth.

With Cox playing the fictional Bonnie Fuller, we thought in only appropriate to check in with a pair of tabloid insiders (and we mean really, really inside) to see how the TV version differs from the real life experience of badmouthing starlets and pointing out where their cellulite can be found. Naturally, because our tabloid twosome want to hang on to their industry gigs, theire identities shall remain in the shadows. But trust us — this pair has been around the block; they're not some low level floozies.

After the jump, you'll find reports on Dirt's premiere. And while there are some differences in viewpoints, it's interesting to note that both authors ended their copy pointing out one crucial plot flaw: Bonnie Fuller would never get her own coffee.

Tabloider No. 1:

You've got to pity Bonnie Fuller. While Anna Wintour saw herself parodied on the big screen in the form of perennial Oscar bait Meryl Streep, poor Bonnie gets the underfed, overdressed Courteney Cox, who needn't worry about writing an acceptance speech for the Emmys.

As with Friends, which was supposed to be Cox's star vehicle, in Dirt, Cox is eclipsed by the idiosyncratic Ian Hart, who plays an schizophrenic paparazzo who has no qualms about climbing trees or digging tunnels to get the money shot — but is heartbroken over his cat's battle with cancer.

Though Courteney does get a killer wardrobe and office (Bonnie must be eating her heart out), she doesn't seem to have a clue about what it takes to actually run a magazine. Sure, we get to see Courtney's character, Lucy Spiller, going to fabulous premieres and hobnobbing with celebrities, but there's that little thing known as deadlines that never seems to be an issue. She does stop by the office long enough to give a rousing speech about journalism ("There is actually reporting involved in what we do") and to scrutinize some anachronous slides, but then again, copy-editing doesn't exactly make for riveting television. Besides, she's too busy picking up boy toys at valet parking, wooing them with her vast knowledge of Proust.

What passes instead as editing is actually negotiating that would make the Godfather proud. It's not just about trading off a puff piece ("Wagging tongues say he has several projects in the works") for a juicy piece of gossip ("She's having his baby!"), but then blackmailing the source when he has second thoughts. Hey, Bonnie, do you have a secret room behind your office, too, where you keep scandalous videos on hand?

Dirt can't decide whether we should hate Lucy for being ruthless or pity her for being single: Though she'd just told a struggling actor his girlfriend was cheating on him, the poor dear teared up when he retorted, "You've got nothing and no one!"

But what must infuriate Bonnie most of all? In one scene, Lucy's spotted getting her own (gasp!) cup of coffee. Ms. Fuller would most definitely not approve.

Tabloider No. 2:

Dirt may have its entertainment value, but I can’t vouch for its authenticity. Celebrity weeklies do not set out to ruin stars’ lives by setting them up with hookers and photographing it – not necessarily for ethical and journalistic standards – but because readers just don’t like seeing their most beloved A-listers get slammed in the press. (Except for cellulite pics, breakups and boyfriend stealers…)

What was most astonishing to me about Dirt was the omission of celebrity publicists and their role in the industry. Publicists create scandals, fake romances, and trade secrets about one client to get positive exposure for another client…but Dirt seemed to disregard this major practice altogether.

Also, the scene where Lucy Spiller is in the break room pouring herself coffee? Bonnie would NEVER pour her own coffee.