Ever heard people throw around famous directors’ names and think “What if there was a way to make short, pithy references to their cinematic masterpieces without actually having to sit through “Battleship Potemkin?” Fortunately, now there is! We’ve dispatched Intern Anastasia to brave the subtitles—and the pretentious clerks at Kim’s Video—so you can sound cultured at dinner parties.

Un Chien Andalou is a surrealist short film from 1928, directed by Luis Bunuel and written by Bunuel and Salvador Dali. It’s definitely the best-known surrealist short film there is [Ed: Which, admittedly, doesn’t say very much] having been referenced on both an episode of The Simpsons and in a Pixies song.*

And there is, indeed, eyeball-slicing! In the very first scene, in fact, we see Bunuel holding open a woman’s eye and slitting it in half with a razor. Then, “eight years later,” there’s a transvestite riding a bicycle. Don’t ask why, surrealists never made any fucking sense.

After that, we’re in an apartment with a woman and man, and the man seems to have ants coming out of a hole in his palm. They stare at it, like “Hmm, that’s weird!” but then stop caring in favor of staring out the window. instead. In the street, there’s a blind woman poking a severed hand with her cane. A policeman shows up, puts the hand in a box [Ed: Insert obligatory "It's my hand in a box!" joke *here*] and hands it to back to the woman. She immediately starts hugging the package, which seems natural, because really, who doesn’t like getting a hand-in-a-box? Answer: No one.

Then the woman gets hit by a car. No particular reason, mind you, this kind of shit just happens where they're from, you know? Anyways, apparently finding this totally hot, the guy in the window turns to the woman next to him and tries to make out with her. But she (understandably!) runs away and they have a wacky chase scene around the apartment.

Eventually realizing he’s probably not getting any, the guy finally gives up and consoles himself by diligently pulling these ropes that are apparently attached to the tablets of the Ten Commandments, two priests, and two pianos (complete with dead donkeys inside). It’s a totally great way to deal with rejection! After all, who needs heavy drinking, incessant crying and horrible pop music when you’ve got rotting equines?

So after that, there’s a scene where apartment guy shoots his doppelganger, and somehow grows the woman’s armpit hair on his face. At this point, evidently she’s had enough, so she runs out to the beach and meets another man. They walk along the beach happily, but then, “In Spring,” they’re buried dead in the sand. Fin? We're not sure, but we're definitely getting "antsy."

If you want to watch it for yourself it’s on youtube here and here.

*You know, “Debaser,” where Frank Black is all “got me a movie/I want you to know/slicing up eyeballs/I want you to know”? Yeah, that one.

NOTE: This knowledge will come in handy if you’re trying to pick up NYU freshmen. You can be the one to tell them a) everyone knows about the Pixies, and b) they’re idiots for not knowing about Un Chien Andalou. Their hipster street cred and self-esteem thus effectively undermined, they will then (probably) sleep with you.