“We usually don’t comment on stuff like this. But you should know sources are liars. If you guys want to do the right thing, you won’t post that item. It’s all BS.” That was the response from Ben Affleck’s camp when E! gossip Ted Casablanca ran past them rumors he was on the way to splitting with wife Jennifer Garner. The only reason we know? Because he posted the item. CONTINUED »
NUMBERS ARE MISLEADING Jimmy Kimmel’s “I’m Fucking Ben Affleck” video has been viewed more than two million times on YouTube. Do not confuse this statistic with the thinking that Kimmel is regularly funny. [NYT]
Blind Items are like the James Joyce of gossip. They’re challenging, but with hard work comes great rewards.
From Gatecrasher:
Which Oscars golden girl made her celebrity ex-boyfriend pretend to still be in a relationship with her months after they broke up, because she was afraid a split would look bad for her Academy Award campaign? It worked, and they discreetly separated months later.
You’re thinking Reese and Ryan, right? Well, remember they were married and the split wasn’t discreet in the least. Retro couple Gwyneth Paltrow and Ben Affleck don’t work either; their dating time line doesn’t line up with her Oscar. So who was the Oscar golden girl?
Not to be outdone by Sarah Silverman, Jimmy Kimmel announced in song form that he’s fucking Ben Affleck. The cameo laden video is funnier than the scary dream montage from the Oscars. Plus, the FCC’s ban on all things potentially offensive makes for good comedic timing.
Our daily attempt to help you seem smart, even if you’re not.
scarify \SKAIR-uh-fye\ verb 1 : to make scratches or small cuts in (as the skin); 2 : to lacerate the feelings of; 3 : to cut or soften the wall of (a hard seed) to hasten germination
Last night we had a dream that we were arrested for smoking pot with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, which scarifying to Violet Affleck in our subconscious and also a sign that we consume too much media, among other things.
[Photos]
• When Ralph Fiennes travels, he typically flies first class and bangs the airplane stewardess. When John Stamos travels, he gets attacked by a crazy woman who slaps him and steals his seat. Worse? They cut him off after three in-flight scotches.
• With Heath Ledger looking like that in Manhattan, Brooklyn has never felt prouder.
• Matt Damon is People magazine’s Sexiest Man of the Year? Eh, we were always on Team Affleck.
• Portia de Rossi doesn’t mind getting type cast as a lesbian. A shemalé, however, is a completely different matter.
Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal’s new film release, Rendition, was a box office bust, debuting at number 9 on its opening weekend (well behind that Ben Affleck movie you didn’t see and that Halle Berry flick you’ve never heard of) proving once more that strictly for publicity relationships on-set “romances” do not always achieve the widespread success of, say, High School Musical. [Us]
The emphasis? That’s all ours. The phrase “Ben Affleck [saw/watched] his beloved Red Sox lose to the Cleveland Indians?” That would be courtesy of a certain two-timing publicist—and a demonstrable lack of effort on the part of two of the country’s premiere gossip columns.
From the NYDN:
First-time director Affleck ducks out of his movie’s premiere. Ben’s nerves? ‘Gone.’ Gone Baby Gone” could have described first-time director Ben Affleck, who ducked out of the film premiere Tuesday to watch his beloved Red Sox lose to the Cleveland Indians. (Boo-hoo, right?)
From the NYP:
SECONDS before the lights dimmed at the Cinema Society’s screening of “Gone Baby Gone,” the director, Ben Affleck, was, well, gone. “I’m going to go watch the game,” we heard him whisper just before he slipped out of the packed IFC Center to see his beloved Red Sox lose to the Cleveland Indians.
Looks like the Red Sox aren’t the only ones having a crappy week.
• Ben Affleck cops to getting dumped by his high school girlfriend, being hopelessly awkward in college and piggybacking off his friend Matt Damon. Well, obvi.
• Anyone who hasn’t already seen Britney’s boobs and wants to, raise your hand. Or better yet, just click here.
• We’re not sure whether or not Kimberly Stewart had rhinoplasty, but we’re definitely happy to see she had second thoughts about those bangs.
• In more bad news for Stephan Jenkins, award winning actress (and his ex-girlfriend) Charlize Theron is named Esquire’s “Sexiest Woman Alive.” Because being the lead singer of Third Eye Blind didn’t suck enough already.
• Meanwhile, JLo’s pregnancy is sooooo last week. This week, it’s all Pam Anderson.
• Lindsay Lohan is “weeding out all the bad” in her life by spending five days alone with her newly rehabilitated deadbeat dad.
• Ben Affleck blames his entire lackluster film career on JLo’s derriére.
• Have you guys seen the grainy photograph of two people who could, conceivably, vaguely resemble Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom wearing nothing but their swimsuits? Clearly, they’re fucking.
• Kim Cattrall is apparently not over her mostly one-sided feud with Sarah Jessica Parker. Fortunately, both girls are consummate professionals and are determined to put aside their differences long enough to wrap the SATC movie and live off the royalties for the rest of time.
• On the one hand, Pamela Anderson is marrying Paris Hilton’s ex-lover. On the other hand, the same could probably be said about 75% of the women in Hollywood.
• This innovative street art does nothing to “curb” our enthusiasm.
• Either Nicole Richie hit the Olive Garden for the Never-Ending Pasta Bowl, or else she’s carrying around a tiny, malnutritioned bundle of joy.
• Anyone else excited for cartoon Paris Hilton? No? How about bored out of your minds?
• Kelly Clarkson cancels her upcoming tour, delivering a devastating blow to tasteless mainstream music fans across the nation.
• Meanwhile, in other surprising news, Ben Affleck is officially attractive again.
• You know the airline industry is in serious financial trouble when America Airlines hires The Steve Harvey Show as their official sponsor.
What does a tenure assuring Ben Affleck he has a strong chin get you? Two years of dating Matt Damon and the chachet to open a pair of haute vintage clothing shops. That’s the story of former Affleck flack (Afflack?) Odessa Whitmire, who turned her gopher duties into a two-year romance with BFF Damon. Now, with two partners, she’s running Some Odd Rubies, reports Save The Assisants, with locations in New York and LA.
Which just might mean she’s beaten out former Jessica Simpson assistant CaCee Cobb as the Best Use of Professional Underlinging.
• “Britney was drunk off her ass. She was completely trashed. She couldn’t walk straight, she couldn’t stand up straight. She was completely gone.” Funny, as this describes only one evening in the life of America’s pop queen.
• Michael Jackson returns to the U.S. to hit Las Vegas, home to a former molestation accuser and perhaps his latest attempt to earn an income.
• Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner baptize baby Violet, refuse to let thetans take over her mind.
• Britney Spears breaks things off with Paris Hilton, insists it’s not personal.
CONTINUED »
• Bruce Willis has a ton of ideas. He swears. [R&M]
• A day in the life of Lindsay Lohan never complete without a trip to the hospital. This time it wasn’t exhaustion or asthma, though … just her being a klutz and/or drunk. [Access Hollywood]
• Nicole Richie holds food up to her face, paparazzi takes pictures. Let’s just be grateful they don’t follow her into the bathroom to see it come up the other way. [Mollygood]
• John Mayer prefers his publicity stunts to include thousands of voicemails from strangers … as opposed to rumors that he’s dating the most undatable girl in Hollywood. [NYM]
• Even in Ben Affleck’s world, the idea of him winning a “Best Actor” award is completely inconceivable. [Us]
Surprise, surprise, Ben Affleck is bitching about the invasion into his private life again. Even though the paparazzi haven’t snapped his pic in months (hello, there’s Firecrotching going on all over the place!) he is frustrated.
Because his fans are so concerned with his personal life, they get bored with his movies. And inversly, his movies suck so bad, his “fans” are forced to care about the only interesting thing he’s done in years: get married and have a baby.
“Nowadays … people pay attention more and more to actors’ private lives or personal lives or even the most mundane aspects of their every day lives in a kind of parallel track alongside their movies,” said popular tabloid target Affleck.
“Even the movies sometimes become incidental pit stops or commercial breaks in the soap opera of their life. I think that is bad for the actors, definitely, because it makes it difficult to suspend disbelief when you go and see their movie.”
Well, maybe Ben Affleck and Jennifer Aniston should learn how to be better actors.
Because somehow Reese Witherspoon, Jake Gyllenhaal, and (dare we say?) Lindsay Lohan manage to engage our belief when we see their movies.
• Since Ashlee Simpson made about 10 cents last year (hello, she’s hosting Victoria Secret parties) she’s selling her $6 million pad in Cali. [People]
• Dakota Fanning’s mom is OK with her being raped in a movie. As long as it lands her an Oscar. [Lowdown]
• Poor Lindsay Lohan. Her BlackBerry was stolen, and Leslie Sloan Zelnik thinks Paris Hilton might be behind it. Eliot Mintz was last seen polishing his .22. [Page Six]
• Tori Spelling will never, ever be poor. And she will always, always have friends because of it. [Us]
• Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are taking their cutest baby ever and moving to Boston. (Note to Leah Remini: this is “normal.”) [Socialite’s Life]
• The National Enquirer was forced to pay up. Again. This time to Kate Hudson, who is not dangerously thin, but just 2 ounces over the anorexia quota. [AP]
• Heather Mills is considering doing an interview in which she’ll spill her guts Princess Diana style. And yet, we are still completely uninterested in her. [London Daily Mail]
• Aww, isn’t that sweet. Everyone should send Ana Marie Cox a little gift. We wonder what Jim Kelly’s going to get her? [Blogebrity]
• For those of you who live in this little world, life can finally return to normal. Kos is back. [Daily Kos]
• Poor Ben Affleck. He was rushed to the ER because he got a headache. We’re sure his still nursing wife was super sympathetic. [Defamer]
• Mira Sorvino is the next celebrity to birth a child we will never ever care about. But we bet her son and Gwen Stefani’s baby could start a playgroup for kids who can’t tan because Shiloh Jolie-Pitt soaks up all the sun. [AP]
• Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are making a new movie, but none of their writerly brilliance (by “their” we mean “Matt’s”) will influence this one. [Variety]
• Thank you, Julia Stiles. Now we finally understand what our non-white friends are talking about when they use the term “white trash face.” [Page Six]
• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are fighting again? Is it because she tried to kill the baby? [Star]
• Since quitting the Observer, socialite Jessica Joffe has been “writing her book” (a.k.a. “attending fashion shows with other socialite friends.”) [Gawker]
• Maybe it was the Redbook curse that ruined Heather Locklear’s marriage, or maybe it was Richie Sambora’s affair? Or maybe the age requirement of being on Redbook is relative to the liklihood that your husband will cheat on you? [People]
• Katie Holmes really needs to find a new coffee shop where she wont be blogstalked. [Defamer]
Ben Affleck proves that he’s a really great dad by cheating on his wife for diaper money. After realizing he had no dough left for Violet’s Pampers (probably blew that week’s baby money on poker and booze) he decides to pimp himself out for cash:
He reportedly picked up some nappies and told shoppers: “I’ve got to get these or my wife will kill me.”
According to onlookers, the 33-year-old refused to sell his Boston Red Sox baseball cap in return for some money - but settled on smooching a fan, who then offered to pay for the baby items.
Even though it’s a Red Sox cap, we probably would’ve preferred that to a sloppy seconds make-out sesh.
Ben Affleck’s nappy kiss [Female First]
• Burn! Jennifer Aniston toasts a glass, some marshmallows, and her wedding dress. [Page Six]
• No, silly, “professional drink holder” is not a fancy name for bartender. It is the actually title of the person who gets paid to hold Mariah Carey’s drinks. Getting paid to blog doesn’t look so stupid now, does it? [The Scoop]
• Turns out Joaquin Pheonix isn’t the only celeb who takes their character roles seriously - ex-Sopranos stars are now whacking cops. [People]
• In a fit of jealousy over Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner’s baby Violet, Jennifer Lopez decides she wants to ruin her longest running marriage with a screaming bundle of her own. [Star]
• Madonna pulls an ass shakin’ Pussycat Dolls move on Andre Balazs. Why doesn’t Uma Thurman care? Because she knows that her boyfriend doesn’t J-Date. [Lowdown]
Editorial Director
