• David Spade and Christina Applegate's cast offs hook up.

• Richard Gere still blaming Sly Stallone for starting the "gerbil in the ass" rumor.

• Scientology begins to stalk J. Lo and J. Car.

• Fabian Basabe's charges against former Bungalow 8 doorman Armin Amiri have been dropped by the DA. Something about "he made it up."

• Lizzie Grubman popped.

• Rosie O'Donnell kicks it with republicans, pads their coffers.

• There were fags before T.R. Knight, Lance Bass, and Neil Patrick Harris, you know.

• Jessica Simpson might be the one paying her assistant CaCee Cobb, but the glorified gopher's loyalty remains with Nick Lachey. She's been running her mouth about Jessica's infidelity and general mistreatment of poor Nick, and even a new BMW and Rolex haven't stopped her free flow of gossip. [Lowdown]

• Can't a girl take her top off in her backyard anymore these days? Jennifer Aniston should know that's not an option, and paparazzo Peter Brandt so kindly reminded her with his telephoto lens. Now Jen's lawyers are warning the tabloids against purchasing any of those photos, especially since you can get the Photoshopped fakes for free. [R&M]

• Robbie Williams won apologies and libel damages from a trio of tabloids over claims he's a closet homosexual. Says his lawyer: "Mr. Williams is not, and has never been, homosexual." Though he might be tomorrow. [BBC]

• The real reason Kevin Federline and Britney Spears are having problems? Brit's mother Lynne hates her son-in-law. But Kevin is taking the loss hard. Of his Ferrari, that is. [Page Six]

• Justin Timberlake, tired of being turned down for acting roles for sounding like a girl, enlisted a voice coach to give him the vocals to match his Trousersnake reputation. [The Scoop]

• Sweet Charity star Christina Applegate is splitting from husband Johnathon Schaech — and it's his call. His residual checks from That Thing You Do must really be kicking in. [TMZ]
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• Gisele Bundchen will not have anyone looking at her bare ass as she glides down the runway. [Page Six]

• Eminem is ready to remarry ex-wife and lyrical focal point Kim Mathers, or at least Star would like you to believe they have an exclusive saying so. [Star]

• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are said to be expecting a boy, not a thetan. [The Scoop]