Uh, folks, don't you know what today is?
The day before Jann Wenner's desk inspections, that's what.
Tomorrow, September First Two-Thousand Five, marks the day Wenner will make the rounds to make sure your files are color coded, your pencils are sharpened, your pens aren't leaking and your chair is neither raised to high — or too low.
But to ease staffers into tomorrow's anal retentive work day, Jann's assistant Mary Mac distributed this note to all staff at 1290 Sixth, reminding employees that the same people who call Nicole Richie a skinny bitch care about the world at large.
Despite its charitable notions, don't let all that mumbo jumbo about Hurricane Katrina fool you. It's all a guise to keep Jann from running between the cubicles with an intern's hair gripped in his fist.
To help the victims of Hurricane Katrina, the American Red Cross is accepting donations made payable to the Hurricane 2005 Relief.
We would like to raise $100,000 to donate to the Hurricane 2005 Relief and Jann and Jane Wenner have generously offered to match employee contributions to help achieve this goal.
If you would like to contribute, please drop your check off (made payable to Hurricane 2005 Relief) with Mary Mac or Mindi in Jann Wenner's office by Friday, September 9th.
This comes on the heels of Mary having made the Wenner desk rounds today for, by last count, the fourth pre-inspection inspection.
Underpaid staffers donating part of their income that's already attached to paying rent from two months ago? Jann has a better chance raising that kind of cash by hiking up Us Weekly's cover price by a penny.