Because half of the gossip news cycle is not what is happening, but what isn’t, today’s breaking news out of the Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes camp is that the one slightly more interested in sleeping with women will not be headed to Broadway as SOME REPORTS HAVE CLAIMED! Sure, Katie Holmes will make her debut in Arthur Miller’s All My Sons, where ticket sales are nothing to boast about, but the closest Cruise will get to the Broadway stage is showing up on Katie’s opening night. He will then retreat to Hollywood, which doesn’t want him either.
Victoria Beckham, Jennifer Lopez, Brooke Shields, Sumner Redstone, Steven Spielberg, Oprah Winfrey, Gayle King, and Kirstie Alley were among the A-listers who attending TomKat’s big Beverley Hills housewarming party. Page Six, however, also spotted “all the gays, which was hilarious because Scientology ‘cures’ gays.”
But maybe, just maybe, they were just the help?
Katie Holmes is definitely taking up residence in New York, as she’ll appear on Broadway’s All My Sons, from Arthur Miller, this fall. [People] For obvious reasons, you can expect she and Tom Cruise to be renting an apartment somewhere in this vicinity. [Photo: Flickr]
Just in time for the October premiere of Tom Cruise’s Valkyrie, about a a plot to assassinate Hitler during WWII, Katie Holmes is set to make her Broadway debut in Arthur Miller’s All My Sons, a family drama set during … WWII. The play would be a revival of the work, which first appeared on New York’s stage in 1947, was turned into a movie and TV film. Holmes is said to have committed for a workshop of the show, set to begin in May. And unlike Thank You For Smoking, there is no nude scene to quibble about: Katie will keep her clothes on, just like she does when she goes to bed with Tom.
• The worst dressed awards are more fun than the actual Oscars.
• Brooke Hogan deals with her parents’ divorce by doing calisthenics in a bikini.
• Britney Spears goes to dinner to earn another paycheck from the paparazzi.
• Note to Tom Cruise: Katie Holmes needs a new script.
• Stars are just like us: they love free crao.
• Angelina Jolie rocking a serious lady bump.
Our daily attempt to help you seem smart, even if you’re not.
weasel word \WEE-zul-WURD\ noun : a word used in order to mislead a person or to avoid a straight answer
Along with teaching Suri Cruise to say please and thank you, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are instructing their daughter about the importance of weasel words.
[Photos]
MTV has an old-school interview with then-child star Brad Renfro. The other night on Letterman, Katie Holmes said she wouldn’t mind if Suri went into acting. Watching the video, she should think, or have Tom think for her, a bit more about that.
[Photo]
Our daily attempt to help you seem smart, even if you’re not.
shank’s mare \SHANKS-MAIR\ noun: one’s own legs
When visiting New York, Katie Holmes traveled by shank’s mare, showing off her shapely legs.
[Photos]
While Good Morning America scored a sit down with Katie Holmes on Monday, Diane Sawyer’s refusal to ask any questions about, um, SCIENTOLOGY, makes its softball interview look like a steaming pile of PR-friendly crap next to Today anchor Meredith Vieira’s chat this morning with Tom Cruise unauthorized biographer Andrew Morton.
While GMA executive producer Jim Murphy claims there was no contract in place that kept them from asking the hard questions in exchange for access to Holmes, few believe their story. (For his part, Murphy claims it was he who ended the interview early, angering Sawyer who didn’t get a chance to get to the tough Qs. Take one for the team!)
Morton’s book – which isn’t being published in England, Australia, and New Zealand because of stringent libel laws – received the expected level of criticism from the Church of Scientology. It also received a skeptic’s view from Meredith, who challenged Morton’s claims that Cruise is the “de facto” second-in-command, that daughter Suri is the spawn of L. Ron Hubbard, or that Tom Cruise is “dangerous” (a statement he backtracked on in the interview). What’s this? Not accepting someone’s statements at face value! Tres nouveau!
After the jump, the full video of Tom Cruise’s Scientology video that got some of this buzz going. CONTINUED »
• If you see more pantless people on the subway than usual on Sunday, the joke is on you. Improv Everywhere takes over public transit this weekend.
• Justice by example: Marion Jones was given a six-month sentence for using steroids. Your parents weren’t kidding when they said life isn’t fair. CONTINUED »
PRETEND When asked about Nicole Kidman’s pregnancy last night, Katie Holmes said, “I’m so happy for her. … It’s wonderful.” Let’s be real: best case scenario, Katie Holmes feels resigned indifference about her husband’s ex-wife’s pregnancy. [People]
• An internet exclusive: Naked pictures of Britney Spears.
• If you need a break from Britney’s craziness, Paula Abdul is also crazy.
• And if you’re not sick of Britney Spears’s craziness, she may have realized that the paparazzo she’s been intimate with was using her. Say it ain’t so!
• Kim Cattrall is no Nicolette Sheridan, and is starting to look her age in a bathing suit. In other words, it’s time to stop wearing bikinis. CONTINUED »
• We might worship different Gods, but anyone can appreciate a Britney crotch shot figurine.
• Spears family etiquette says giving a figurine of your own crotch is in bad taste, so Britney looks for baby clothes for her little sister.
CONTINUED »
Our daily attempt to help you seem smart, even if you’re not.
audition \aw-DISH-un\ noun
1 : the power or sense of hearing; 2 : the act of hearing; especially : a critical hearing; 3 : a trial performance to appraise an entertainer’s merits
Before marrying Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes had to audition for the part. With some changes to hair and wardrobe, she nailed it.
[Photo Credit: WireImage]
Money makes the world go round, and there’s seemingly no limit to what an American Express Black card-carrier can accomplish. Until now, that is! Apparently, it seems the oodles and oodles of cash accrued (and then pledged to the church?) by Scientologist mega-couple Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes has nonetheless failed to “buy” them an innovative approach to dull seasonal mass-mailings. Case in point: This blah, unimaginative holiday card (obtained by Us!)
Where are the awkwardly staged Sears family portraits? The pictures of a rosy-cheeked Suri Cruise sitting atop Santa’s knee? The adorable candids of mother and daughter frolicking in the snow (okay, fine, polluted Los Angeles beach) flashing matching smiles and and identical haircuts? The biological father grinning proudly, eyes wide with wonderment at the miracle of creation modern technology, arms wrapped firmly/protectively around his pretend-wife’s waist?
• Think Katie Holmes’ new bob haircut is iconic? Just wait till you see how amazingly epic it looks on her helpless daughter, Suri!
• In an effort to clear up any last, lingering doubts as to her mental instability, Britney Spears has allegedly threatened to irreparably tarnish Paris Hilton’s reputation by releasing some steamy, X-rated footage.
• Meanwhile, Dave Chappelle proves he’s not crazy by performing stand-up. For more than six hours straight.
• We can think of $27 million reasons why LeBron James is better than you, none of which even remotely involve his vertical leap.
• Cindy Crawford ages gracefully, dares to expose physical imperfections.
• This Santa may only be appropriate for naughty/nice adults over the age of 18.
[Image via Wenn]
• It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No wait, it’s just Christian Slater’s inordinately large/shiny forehead.
• Nicole Kidman’s children refuse to respect her authority.
• Come on, Steve-O. Everybody knows when you smoke weed out of a soda can, you gotta go with Coca Cola classic.
• Not sure what to get your grandparents for question? Just ask yourselves, “What would Tila Tequila do?” Then go ahead and do the exact opposite.
• Hey Katie Holmes: Salisha from Top Model called. She wants her annoyingly perky bob haircut back.
• Lifelong bachelor George Clooney neatly curtails rumors that he’s a closeted homosexual by getting into a bitchy catfight with Fabio.
• There’s no afternoon pick-me-up quite like a NSFW gallery of the best celebrity wardrobe malfunctions.
• Katie Holmes wardrobe choices continue to shock and amaze. (Marathon? No bra necessary. Clingy velvety get-up? Mandatory.)
• Note to Elisha Cuthbert: You’re going to need to invest in a slutty new wardrobe if you want to keep hanging with Paris.
• Michael Jackson’s precious Neverland ranch is in foreclosure! Buyers beware, however: The place still has the unmistakable stench of zoo animals and pedophilia.
We get a lot of mail. Mostly, it’s of the electronic form. But from those marketing agents and publicists who found out our snail mail address, we get packages, too. They’re almost always of the promotional form, trying to generate interest in a new TV show, movie, book, or rehab center. Herewith, we document their efforts.
Received: One small box with “Overture Films” as the return address. Inside, a clear plastic box, sealed with a “M” sticker, was filled with shredded dollar bills. (One editor got upset, thinking they were real shredded dollars. We offered to let him tape them together. He just might.) The monetary confetti surrounded one Masterlock with two keys attached with a little note: “Will they get away with it?” it read on one side; “01-18-08″ it read on the other.
To Promote: Some quick Googling revealed Katie Holmes’ new movie Mad Money premieres on Jan. 18, 2008. It’s about three women working for the Federal Reserve who plan to steal cash. It is not about Jim Cramer.
Score (0-10): 6. They scored for keeping it small and simple. But the suspense – what could they be drumming up buzz for?! – only lasted two-Mississippi’s. The score would have been a 5, but we added a point for sending a functional item: We lost our gym lock last week and were about to buy a new one. Thanks, Mrs. Tom Cruise!
In a shocking development, Katie Holmes escaped the mind control of Tom Cruise for a whole five and a half hours yesterday: she ran the NYC marathon. And even though it took her more than twice the time to run the course than women’s winner, we’re still impressed that she fit in training for a marathon while raising lil Suri and dealing with crazy Tom. Most impressive of all, she did the whole thing without a sports bra. [Mollygood]
Editorial Director
