Happy Birthday, Paris Hilton!
Today, the girl who has shown us her many talents (party queen, heiress, porn star, runway model ...) turns 25.
Wow, 25. That means her life is like, 63 percent over or something, right? Well, we really hope she enjoys this day, even though her boyfriend just broke up with her. Hey, maybe you can make her feel better! Totally, send her a gift. What do you get for the girl who has everything, you ask?
We have few fab solutions, guaranteed to make the crazy bitch's day:
• A bottle of Absinthe
• Some Vagasil
• She definitely needs a new diary and some sex toys
• Oh, and a three year gift certificate to a storage unit
• Possibly a map of the world, highlighting London's location
• A flourless cake
Cheers, Paris! Here's to knowing that no matter how hot you aren't, we'll always be younger than you.