Remember when an envelope filled with anthrax arrived at AMI's offices in Boca Raton? And that scare at NBC News? YouTube celebrity hopeful Shmuel Tennenhaus – who we long ago hoped to wipe from our conscious – delivers his 100th clip, which is a lesson why those frightening events are no match for his unscheduled, unannounced, and unsolicited pitch meeting with the Seattle Post-Intelligencer.
Shmuel Tennenhaus whips out his DV camera once again for a video tribute. Jossip's favorite Time Person of the Year has already demonstrated his rapping prowess and acceptance speech capabilities, but taking on The Sopranos? If he's not cut out for One Park Avenue, we've got a hankering HBO ain't gonna want him.
What started as a coy project to land him on the prematurely defunct One Park Avenue has torpedoed Shmuel Tennenhaus to A1 slot of cultural relevancy: YouTube's homepage. You'll remember "Crazy Eyes" as the director-producer-writer-star of his video application for Star's reality show who then went on to such historic career highlights like rapping about the BellSouth-AT&T merger and auditioning to be the next Amanda Congdon, and accepting Time's honors. Now he's signed his own 100-plus-year-old bubby – that's "grandmother" for you gentiles – to weigh in on what's in store for '07. (Hint: Shalom, and she's awaiting your call.)
As for Shmuel, he's on his way to clocking more tune ins than Linda Richman ever did.
Jossip's Reality Television, YouTube, and Everything Really Really Jewish resident correspondent Shmuel Tennenhaus has already rapped about a BellSouth merger and defended ex-Jossiper Corynne Steindler, so how is he to top himself? By unofficially auditioning to become the next Amanda Congdon. News site somethingorother Now Republic is asking various, shall we say, Internet personalities to submit a 45-60 second tryout clip showing why they deserve to get their own show on ABC News Now, otherwise known as "the 24-hour cable news network you'll never be able to find unless you have a broadband Sprint phone and the patience to navigate 16 menu screens." Never one to let guidelines get in the way of a promising future, Shmuel submits his 7-minute audition.
It's a real winner. And winning is painful.
Nobody was more excited to be named Time's Person of the Year than Shmuel Tennenhaus, frequent commentator about failed reality show One Park Avenue and wannabe Internet video star. Herewith, his application reel to snag an agent at The Firm.
Oh, Shmuel "Crazy Eyes" Tennenhaus! Unable to land a gig on American Media Inc.'s One Park Avenue – party because of casting, partly because the show is shelved – he's taken to submitting home video clips to ABC News' "Be Seen, Be Heard" segment. ABC took the bait and aired the above clip, wherein Shmuely offers his solution to solving Iraq's problems.
Nobody was more devastated than Schmuel "Crazy Eyes" Tennenhaus by the premature cancelation of One Park Avenue, the reality series that was going to chronicle how Star staffers juggle celebrity reporting with personal lives. So badly did Schmuel want to be on the show, he even sent flowers to the show's producer, Star Price. Herewith, Schmuel delivers his reaction — and plans for the future, which unfortunately include an on-going intent to appear in a reality TV series, even if he has to pitch the concept himself. Note: All concepts include lots of Jews.
In what's surely devastating news to devoted fans of 8th & Ocean and Wife Swap, plans to bring the Bonnie Fuller/Star reality show to air have all but failed. Star Price Productions and American Media Inc. have put the kabosh on One Park Avenue, likely to to chief David Pecker's sudden realization that roving camera crews documenting what it's like to work at a sinking ship probably wouldn't be good for business. We're awaiting word from Shmuel "Shmuly" Tennenhaus – the "Crazy Eyes" fella who went so far as to set up a One Park Avenue blog and sent flowers to Star Price with a detailed note explaining why he should be on the show – to see whether he made it through the fracas. At least there's always that Rolling Stone reality show to get you TiVo excited again.
Shmuel "Shmuly" Tennenhaus – known affectionately around Jossip Worldwide as "Crazy Eyes – isn't just Bonnie Fuller's stalker. He's also quite the amateur book reviewer. A quick glance at his Amazon.com review page shows he's only got two books under his belt, but it's his discretion in chosen manuscripts that's the real personality indicator. His most recent review (June 7, 2005) was for Malcom Gladwell's Blink – "[Gladwell] also informs the reader that snap judgments are not merely relegated to NFL quarterbacks" – but it's his debut crit that really drew us in. That review was for Page Sixer Paula Froelich's it!: 9 Secrets of the Rich and Famous That'll Take You to the Top, which is currently ranked #153,434 on Amazon's best-seller list. Writes Tennenhaus:
I recommend this book to anyone who can read. If you can't read, then buy the audiocassette.
This book is more than just a beach companion because you can also read it in your house like I did. I plowed through the book like a farmer on speed. The contents were so engrossingly informative that I failed to notice that my building was on fire. Luckily I survived.
If you devour Page Six for breakfast, then you will absolutely love the book. If you don't voraciously read Page Six on a daily basis, it's about time you relocate to planet Earth.
Buy it so you can own a copy! Don't be cheap and wait for it to premiere on Cinemax.
Such elocution — it's a shame he's wasting it on domain names.
Though it may be a bit presumptuous to refer to this MySpace profile creating psycho as a "stalker" we haven't been in 10 feet of One Park Ave. in over a year, and we're scared.
Remember when we heard about Bonnie Fuller's fake MySpace profile yesterday? Well, this guy is the creator of it. His name is Shmuel "Shmuly" Tennenhaus, he's 25, and he wants to be on Star's reality show One Park Avenue.
And he's got the crazy eyes.
He's created Bonnie's MySpace page, a OneParkAvenue blog (the Jon Benet Ramsey screen shot kind of screams "psycho"), and the site DavidJPecker.com. For David Pecker's protection. Clearly.
He also sent 100 flowers to Star Price Productions, the company producing "One Park Avenue," along with a tale of a date gone bad in an attempt to showcase what sort of storylines he could bring to the reality show.
Ummm, yeah. We would have gone the "trying to get a job at Star" route. It's not like you can just roll out of bed one day and get a job at a top selling tabloid. (Some people get coffee for Bonnie for over a year before they can even land a front desk job at a crappy indy mag.) Who does this dude think he is?
Evidently, he doesn't think he's a maniac. He claims he would just leave AMI alone if they asked.
"Obviously if they would tell me 'Please stop contacting us,' I would drop it in a heartbeat," he said.
Bonnie's assistant was last seen calling Nat Ives for Crazy Eyes' phone number. And Googling (in a Google search tab) "restraining order."
Bonnie's MySpace Fan? That Would Be Shmuly [Nat Ives, Ad Age]