Former Stone Temple Pilots front man Scott Weiland has been charged with driving under the influence and refusing to take a drug tests. He faces at least 8 days in jail, with a maximum penalty of one year.

All these charges are making us a bit nostalgic, so above is the STP video, “Plush.” Stone Temple Pilots are all right, but as David Spade put it, we liked them better when they were called Pearl Jam.

As the SNL cast does endearing live performances and writers picket the studios, the WGA and the producers have agreed to return to negotiations on November 26. Hopefully the two parties can get their shit together regarding online residuals, since reading books in lieu of TV is clearly not an option. [AP]

As we approach Thanksgiving, the writers strike shows no signs of ending. The Week in Review, which usually features bits from late night monologues, has resorted to using jokes written in on their humor blog, Laugh Line. Dozens of shows have stopped production, and Lost might not resolve until 2009.

But those hams at SNL did not let the writers’ strike stop them from putting on a show. The cast performed at the Upright Citizens Brigade theater on Saturday night, while NBC resorted to broadcasting a rerun.

Michael Cera hosted the live act; Amy Poehler invited him earlier in the week via text message. We hope emoticons weren’t necessary to get him to perform.

CONTINUED »

NBC has discovered what a cruel mistress copyright law is.

NBC’s own copy of “I Ran So Far” is illegal. The station never secured the digital rights for the music Andy Samberg sampled in the song.

NBC had to remove their clip from the NBC’s site and from their YouTube channel.

The Post’s “exclusive” on this is already a week old; NewTeeVee reported it last Monday.

Maybe for his next digital short, Andy Samberg could put the ironies of NBC’s copyright infringement to music.

• Damn, Nicole Richie is looking thick.

• Some guy you’ve never heard of swims around Manhattan three times for some disease you’ve never heard of.

• The former New Jersey first lady reaches out to soon-to-be former Mrs. Idaho Senator. We knew it!

• CBS tries to reassure advertisers that it didn’t just restage Lord of the Flies when filming Kid Nation.

• Kenan Thompson plans to drop 60 pounds to play Barack Obama for SNL. Here’s hoping they both make it past the primary!

• Seriously, CBGB is over.

After Attorney General Alberto Gonzales’ suspicious testimony during last week’s Senate Judiciary Committee hearings, presidential candidate John McCain has now joined the increasing number of Republicans calling for Gonzales to step down “out of loyalty to the president.”

And while many have been following every moment of the U.S. attorney scandal, some of you have, undoubtedly, spent your time watching American Idol or, well, reading Jossip instead. So we’ve decided to give you a quick recap about the proceedings last week to get you all caught up. Watch the above clip, and soon you’ll realize why everyone (except President Bush!) thinks Gonzales is either (a) a liar, or (b) a liability, based on his inability to remember any/all things of any import whatsoever.

For those of you who were out drinking/socializing/dirty-dancing on a table** this past Saturday night, we regret to inform you that you missed the funniest SNL sketch since “Dick in a Box.”

The skit purports to be an episode of the (thankfully) fictional “The Dakota Fanning Show,” and is essentially an excuse for an extended, dead-on parody of the creepily-adult child star.

Example: Fanning (Amy Poehler) waxes intellectual about the latest Thomas Pynchon work and NYT book critic Michiko Kakutani, but proves ignorant on all references to mainstream pop culture, (fave line: “I am not familiar”).

We especially enjoyed the banter between “talk show host” Dakota Fanning and her band-leader, as well as the interactions with far-more-normal Abigail Breslin (Drew Barrymore), prompting Fanning to sigh, “oh, to be ten again. Those were heady, heady days.”

Enjoy the video.

**Yes, you, TomKat!

• Brit rocking the boat with mysterious sailor friend Isaac Cohen; Cohen to be immediately branded a “hotter version of K-Fed.”

• Halle Berry continues to be maybe, possibly, debatably pregnant.

• Yep, it’s just like we always suspected. Matt Damon is an evil genius.

• After only a year and half as EIC at Fast Company, Mark Vamos “speedily” replaced by Fortune’s Robert Safian.

• Paris Hilton tragically miscast as “Hottie” in upcoming new film role.

• Stashwax suing SNL for being unfunny, unoriginal.

• Since Us couldn’t get the Anna Nicole Smith photos, they ran with this story. [Us]

• If John Mayer’s music career doesn’t flourish, he always has sneakers to fall back on. [UnBeige]

• Of course Rupert Everett would rather have sperm than hair. Any gay man forced to make the choice between the two would choose the same. [TMZ]

• So, basically, what Rachel Sklar is telling us, is that there is nobody left at SNL. [ETP]

• Welcome to laaaamest celebrity auction ever. [AP]

• The Iranians are coming, the Iranians are coming! Hide your children! They eat babies! [NYP]

• Why are the explosive vapor things never in Williamsburg instead of Greenpoint? [Gothamist]

• Oprah spending an hour with a gay guy can only be described by the Daily News as “creepy.” That’s totally what Jim McGreevey’s mission is all about. [NYDN]

• SNL officially axes Horatio Sanz. Which means maybe New York will regain a trace of cool. [ETP]

• So much for those new N trains. [NYT]

• Are these producers serious? Someone should show them a YouTube clip of a certain episode of Saturday Night Live. [Much Music]

• Bob Dylan’s assertion that new recordings suck may be due to the fact that he’s listening to his own voice, which no modern technology can improve. [Hollywood Reporter]

• Nothing ruins a good Lance Bass Stereo House party like a moldy pool tarp. [Page Six]

• Snoop Dogg takes a break from pimping himself out to the highest bidder and actually makes music. [NME]

• Willie Nelson (yeah, the guy from Half Baked) thinks those darn foreigners should stop killing and eating our horses. He then proceeded to carve himself up a nice steak. [Jam!]

The big question in New York television these days is: who will be fired from Saturday Night Live? Well, Fishbowl New York has the inside scoop on at least two of the cast members. Looks like we are saying goodbye to (the adorable, hilarious) Chris Parnell and (the annoying, only funny to his cast mates) Horatio Sanz.

An informed tipster tells us Saturday Night Live’s Chris Parnell — he one-half of the Lazy Sunday rap duo [above, right, with Andy Samberg] that became a cultural phenomenon and watershed moment for viral video on the Web — and Horatio Sanz are included among the four job cuts expected as the show enters its 32nd season.

Also, FBNY blabs, new head writer Seth Meyers (yes, he’s still doing shit) will take the Weekend Update seat next to Amy Poehler. Making the show more or less officially fucked.

No Love For Narnia? SNL Job Cuts To Include Parnell, Sanz [Dylan Stableford, Fishbowl NY]

Update: The show’s Will Forte is also exiting stage left. You know when most people hear your name and go “who?” you probably don’t stand a chance at keeping your job on TV.

• Lance Armstrong, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Matthew McConaughey: gay or cyclists? [Details via TMZ]

• SNL is cutting cast members, but holding auditions for their replacements. [FBNY]

• We hope this was shot right after Paris Hilton was crying over how good her song is. Because the ho looks like shiiiite. [YouTube]

• Is it just us, or has it been Bill Clinton’s birthday for, like, two weeks now? [Lowdown]

• Tucker Carlson’s stupid “reporting” gig is getting in the way of his Dancing With the Stars rehearsals. [ETP]

If you’re anything like us (which, if you are, we highly recommend not publicly admitting) you get the majority of your news from Saturday Night Live’s “Weekend Update” segment. Which is why we’re taking this latest news out of Rockefeller Center especially hard.

After 9 years, Tina Fey is leaving the NBC weekend staple. The head writer for SNL and comedic “newscaster” for Weekend Update will depart in order focus on her new sitcom, 30 Rock — which stars Desaree Bradford torture victim Alec Baldwin.

Producer Lorne Michaels will surely have a tough time replacing the talented writer, who wrote the screenplay for Mean Girls and is set to contribute to the screen comedy Curly Oxide and Vic Thrill.

We wish her good luck with her new show — the least she can hope for is better luck than Lorne Michaels had with Sons & Daughters.

Tina Fey leaving ‘SNL’ to go solo [Marisa Guthrie, Daily News]

• Oh, good. Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz are A-OK. [Us Weekly]

• Did you hear it was Charlie Gibson’s last day? Did you care? We really didn’t either. [ABC]

• We’re sure a trip to the Playboy mansion was exactly what the female contestants on The Apprentice were hoping for. [Page Six]

• Jessica Simpson should be with a funny guy. If only so she can stop frowning. [Scoop]

• NBC has finally decided to release a bit of their grip on Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell’s Lazy Sunday. We’re sure the funny men are positively delighted … as are we. Because when Samberg smiles, we smile. [FBNY]

Today’s Wall Street Journal has an intriguing article focusing on NBC’s attempt to hammer out deals with sites like YouTube and Bolt.com. The gist is basically this: NBC wants to benefit from the reach power of YouTube and Bolt without actually losing any of the potential profits.

Talk about putting the consumer first! Could this possibly be why we get the impression that the networks could care less about creating programming we actually want to watch? But there is somebody out there who understands. Luke McCormick, the 23-year-old son of an top NBC Exec, and employee at Bolt.com.

The network’s demand that “Lazy Sunday” be removed indicates that “NBC doesn’t really get it,” says Luke McCormick, a 23-year old Bolt staffer. “Having clips of its shows up on [the Internet] was the only thing that was going to get anyone our age to watch ‘Saturday Night Live.’”

Mr. McCormick says he rarely watches regular TV, often renting DVDs of shows he wants to see. (Mr. McCormick is the son of an NBC Universal executive. Doug McCormick is the chief executive of iVillage, a women-focused social networking site NBC Universal bought earlier this year.)

So, not only does Luke tell WSJ that his dad’s company more or less sucks at programming, he also works for the alterna site that spoofs clips like SNL’s “Lazy Sunday” — (Bolt’s version “Hazy Monday” has two dudes out buying pirated videos instead of cupcakes.)

It sounds like NBC is pretty screwed if they can’t even get their own kids to watch the network — let alone stop them from stealing their material and then making the network look like a complete ass. Or, you know, it’s a really intricate PR ploy to create NBC buzz among the easily manipulated youth.

NBC Battles, and Joins With, Video Web Sites [Brooks Barnes and Rebecca Buckman]

Nobody loves TV more than we. While much of New York’s media elite foolishly disband the tube as a brain cell sucker, sure to send those who worship it into mental rigor mortis, we can not get office jobs because they won’t let us work from the couch while watching television.

Well, the only people who might love TV more than Jossip are the networks themselves, and yesterday two of them laid out their plans for fall programming at the upfronts. In an attempt to lure and convince advertisers that their shows will not suck, networks really had to rally this year. Proven by the popularity of Friends, Will & Grace, and Sex and the City re-runs, viewers are majorly jonesin’ for good TV.

Though NBC is adding six drama programs to its line-up, most of the buzz is over drama pitch Studio 60, which will star Matthew Perry, and the comedy 30 Rock, a spoof on Saturday Night Live.

ABC is taking a huge risk by switching Grey’s Anatomy to Thursdays … which sucks because it is becoming a going out night. But ABC is taking the ax to some of it’s programs.

Also not returning on ABC are sitcoms Hope & Faith, Freddie, Less Than Perfect, Rodney and Sons & Daughters; dramas Commander in Chief, Invasion, In Justice and The Evidence; and docudrama Miracle Workers. American Inventor, which concludes season one this week, has been picked-up for midseason.

So, come on everyone! Let’s get really, really excited for the 35 new shows being introduced for fall … and then brace yourself for when they get cancelled after two episodes.

ABC Upfront: Unwraps Six Degrees, The Nine; Shifts Grey’s to Thursdays [Marc Berman, Mediaweek]
NBC Looks Beyond TV for a Prime-Time Revival [Stuart Elliott, New York Times]

Lindsay Lohan’s Easter weekend appearance on Saturday Night Live was, needless to say, disappointing. She lost her voice, pretended to eat chocolate cake, and jumped around like a spaz. Boring.

But, then again, it’s SNL — we really don’t expect much. We only watch it for the tiny morsel of hope that we’ll catch Andy Samberg rapping or dancing or looking hot. But, it seems that it isn’t just her failing TV spot ratings and box office numbers that make her a bit blasé. People, like, don’t even search for her on the internet anymore.

Once a staple of internet search lists, taking 10th place on Yahoo’s year-end search terms last year, Lohan doesn’t even appear in the site’s top 20 this week.

Perhaps people are simply tired of Lohan, whose rumored anorexia, problems with her troubled father, and ever-changing love life have made her a staple in celebrity magazines such as Us Weekly, In Touch and Star.

Totally. Anorexia is so last season. You know what Lindsay needs to do? Have a baby. It’s the only thing that Bonnie Fuller could possibly want more than Brangelina spawn.

No laughing matter:It girl isn’t on ‘SNL’ [Toni Fitzgerald, Medialife]

Initially, we were in total shock that the New York Times was aware that “Lazy Sunday,” the funniest bit to hit Saturday Night Live since Will Ferrell donned a speedo thong, even existed.

But after we chilled on that fact, many of the questions that randomly popped up over the weekend were answered. We wondered why, after trying to explain to a friend that “Mr. Pibb and red vines equals crazy delicious,” YouTube was no longer showing the show’s clip? It was totally dunzo, not to be found. Finito.

Despite the fact that YouTube is the only reason we saw the video in the first place (hello, nobody watches SNL anymore) NBC has asked YouTube to take the clip off its site.

NBC Universal … [is] asking YouTube to remove about 500 clips of NBC material from its site or face legal action under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. YouTube complied last week. “Lazy Sunday” is still available for free viewing on NBC’s Web site, and costs $1.99 on iTunes.

It was pretty helpful that in a Google search of “Lazy Sunday” neither NBC or SNL’s website was listed in the first page. YouTube, however, was number one in the search. What does all this prove, you wonder?

NBC is not only able to disappoint figure skaters, their designers, and family members, but is also completely capable of frustrating college kids who are trying to get psyched to “hit up Magnolia and mack on cupcakes.”

A Video Clip Goes Viral, and a TV Network Wants to Control It [John Biggs, New York Times]

• The cast of The O.C. falls into a pool? And it wasn’t for TV? And we missed it? It’s time like these we kind of wished we lived in Los Angeles. [Defamer]

• Ok, we guess New York can be pretty cool. Come on, it must be. Why else would cocktails cost 20 bucks a pop? [Village Voice]

• Oh, you can’t afford 20 dollar triple berry awesomeness martinis? We hope you watched SNL this weekend. [Salon]

• Wait, wiretapping is illegal? How are we supposed to know this when it’s like our President’s favorite past time? [MSNBC]

• So, even though she dropped a teacup on her leg, she Lindsay Lohan can still walk. Thank god, ‘cuz she looks freakin’ fabulous. [People]

• Again, we’re not making fun of dead people (we draw the line somewhere) but we feel it is our duty to pass along the news that our Reese Witherspoon will now be safe from one particular stalkarazzi. [AP News]