Tom Cruise Is Gay: Now with substantially more fake evidence
For your entertainment value only, we're reprinting an email forwarded to just about everyone who calls themselves a blogger. Our reader survey data suggests that some of you, in fact, do not operate your own blogs, though you do continue to operate heavy machinery while under the influence of Sudafed. And god bless you.
It has something to do with Tom Cruise hooking up with Matchbox 20's Rob Thomas, having Rob's wife find out about it and forcing Tom to hook up with Katie Holmes to knock the gay scandal out of the press. Or something.
Got this forwarded to m thought it woudl interest you:
A friend of mine just got back from LA and heard this scoop about Tom & Katie from someone who works at Universal. The source said that they (Tom & Katie) have a 5-year contract and he's paying her $8 million. The engagement happened so fast because Rob Thomas' (Matchbox 20) wife caught Rob and and Tom in bed together and they rushed the engagement so that it would overshadow that scandal. Obv., take it with a grain of salt.
Read below. This was just published.
Bureaucrats?Independent Sources Confirms Existence of Tom Cruise/Rob Thomas Rumor Independent Sources announced today that it has uncovered a new,previously undiscovered Tom Cruise rumor:
Tom Cruise and Matchbox Twenty's Rob Thomas are lovers!
Independent Sources has hesitated writing about Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes for many reasons. First, there are other things going on in the world that, believe it or not, rank higher on the importance scale. Second, pretty much everything that can be said is being said.
However, someone (I'll call her Mistress of the Hollywood Rumor) just
walked into Insider's office with the following dish that I feel compelled to pass on. I did a quick check of Technorati and it wasn't there. So even if it is not true, it is at least original.
No doubt that anyone with an Internet connection has read about Tom Cruise being gay. According to rumor lore, he has had a long-time boyfriend in Chicago who is an Asian pilot for American Airlines. This is an accusation that Cruise and more importantly Cruise's many attorneys vehemently deny.
There have been many stories that supposedly corroborate his sexuality but never a smoking gun. Rumor mongers attribute this to the fact that Cruise goes to great lengths to cover his tracks. We are told that everyone around him signs extensive confidentiality contracts with enormous penalties for indiscretion. (Exhibit A: the 8-page confidentiality contract Cruise's housekeeper was forced to sign).
Such stories have been around for years and Cruise has evidently attempted to counter them with a series of high-profile heteronormative relationships.
First, Nicole Kidman, then Penelope Cruz, and most recently Katie Holmes. In each instance, the "relationship" is actually a contract that gives the women a boost to their careers, a lot of money, and an elegant lifestyle.
Here is where this particular rumor gets interesting. Not long ago,
Marisol, the wife of Matchbox Twenty's Rob Thomas (who has had to contend with his own rumors of bi-sexuality) found her husband in bed with Tom Cruise causing Cruise's people to shift into high gear.
First, Mrs. Rob Thomas was bought off for an undetermined sum. Second, Cruise and his handlers set out to immediately find Cruise a girlfriend. Second-tier actresses were targeted. A list was drawn up with Jessica Alba (#1 pick) and three other girls who fell out for various reasons. Originally targeted (#3 I think) but later rejected as "undesirable" was rumor queen Lindsay Lohan. Way down at #5 on the list was Katie Holmes, but that was the one with whom they were able to strike a deal.
Once the contact was signed, photo ops were set up, leaks were made to the right places, and we've had celebrity relationship on steroids ever since.
One thing I will credit this rumor for is how it nicely explains Tom's behavior this past few months-including the couch jumping episode on Oprah. Cruise simply didn't have time for the Holmes rumors to circulate at its normal speed and he couldn't allow it to be second page news while the tabloids focused on Brad, Jennifer and Angelina. No, this relationship had to immediately become the "it" topic.
Well, that's how we hear it.