Green noise. Green fatigue. Eco-anxiety. For as many ways to describe how trendy it is for upper-middle-class types to start caring about the environment, there are equally as many ways to describe another environmental trend: Mother Earth backlash. For all the hype surrounding saving the planet, from Al Gore’s horror film to the demands that you stop drinking bottled water, the same people who initially jumped on the bandwagon are now, you’re to believe, falling off it from exhaustion. Naturally, the trend-happy media has been quick to jump all over the latest “it” thing: that saving the planet might just be the newest form of American apathy. [CJR]
Need a place to cool off this summer? You could always visit one of those public pools, which are teaming with children’s pee and, worse, children. Or you could turn to Google Earth, which will helpfully identify your neighbor’s swimming pools courtesy satellites floating around the planet. Then, when you find one that’s deep enough for canon balls, you can alert your friends on Facebook that you’re planning a pool party at someone else’s home, like these jerks in Britain. The technology is also helpful for locating trampolines, bouncy houses, and Slip’N'Slides that don’t belong to you, too.
Just as we do when we visit the most-emailed photos on Yahoo to see what’s registering on America’s cultural radar, let’s check in to see what the most-viewed videos are on MSNBC.com, in order: “Myanmar cyclone kills thousands,” “Tragic ending for filly Eight Belles,” “Cyclone causes widespread devastations,” and “10 messiest celebrity meltdowns.” [MSNBC Video]
Y’know how we’ve been all flippant and snarky (we hate that “word” but it seems appropriate) about The New York Times as of late? Complaining about their bullshit, hokey, juvenile coverage of “chick flicks” and TV chefs using the f-word? Well, bilious as we’ve been, we haven’t harbored hatred for the paper, just an acute feeling of disgust with wasted opportunity. It’s hurt us to see pages of drivel that could have been used for good. Today, however, we officially hate the Times:
One trend we already discovered Americans love is emailing each other photos of fat people. Taking another gander at Yahoo’s most-emailed photo list, a new phenomenon emerges: You really want your friends and family to see conjoined twin newborns!
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The latest from the New York Times Land Of Make Believe Trends comes from an article about pregnant women who, no longer content to just clean out a closet, want to renovate their entire home before their expensive accessories pop out.
Typically, projects resulting from the nesting instinct have been small-scale affairs — a cleaning jag, a den converted to a nursery with a little paint and drywall, a changing station built into a laundry room. But lately, even as the housing and renovation markets have slumped, some pregnant nesters have been getting more ambitious, spurred on by the widespread home-improvement mania of the last decade and by the plethora of design-themed magazines and television shows.
Typically?
But lately?
Horton Hears a Who?
Jack Shafer: Still pissed newspapers are writing about pharm parties that nobody has ever been too. (Next edition: The invisible swing voter!) But are these pill soirees indeed taking place here and there, but not commonplace throughout every planned development in the suburbs? Perhaps not: In the 1960s, the urban legend of pharm parties first began, except back then they were called “fruit salad parties.” Cuter. [Slate]
Unlike basketball or Greco-Roman wrestling, however, squash does enjoy a prestige that some think makes it attractive to college admissions boards. With roots in the English public schools of the 19th century, squash conveys an aristocratic quirkiness, a bit like a taste for Sanskrit poetry. More than its preppy cousins lacrosse and rowing, it is also considered a cerebral sport — chess in short pants.
–Excerpted from Alex William’s piece [”And For Sports, Kid, Put Down ‘Squash’“] from the Style section of this past Sunday’s New York Times
Many of us (ourselves included!) have shelved the possibility of having kids until some distant, unforeseeable future when we’re suddenly transformed from immature borderline alcoholics to surprisingly functional adults with longterm career aspirations, non-messy apartments and, potentially, significant others. Which is why we were alarmed to hear about the growing phenomenon of women who become grandmothers before they reach the age of thirty.
Like 29 year-old Leticia Magee, who (as our friends at Stereohyped put it) “had her daughter when she was 13, and the girl, now 15, has just given birth to a baby boy, who will hopefully be taught the virtues of condoms by age 7.” [QCTimes]
Apparently, not everyone is so keen on the growing number of major corporations who are using “nonsense” domain names or “familiar-but-misspelled words” as part of an effort to soften their online images. Take, for example, Anthony Shore, a seemingly ill-tempered man whom the Washington Post introduces as “the global of director of naming and writing” [Ed: Easiest job ever?] at Landor Associates.
“It just feels like they’re throwing in the towel,” complains the naming elitist. “It’s easy to find an existing word and drop out a letter. It’s easy to come up with arbitrary sounds, or to just add an ‘oo.’ It’s far more difficult to come up with names with real words that have meanings and connections with people.”
“Andre,” said Mr. McKenna, “you look amazing!”
ACTUALLY, he did not say it in quite that way. It happens that the adjective “amazing,” pronounced with a bunch of superfluous vowels, is how fashion types, and also certain urban gay men and also one or two tuned-in heterosexual copycats, lately express their approval. Amazing has replaced such locutions as “genius” and “major,” which today sound even more old-hat than “fabulous.”
“You look amaaaaazing,” Mr. McKenna said.
–Excerpted from “A Cover Girl Who’s Simply Himself” from the Sunday Style section of the New York Times [NYT]
Have you heard: there’s this new thing called roller derby? Actually, it’s an old thing, from the 70s, but it’s totally hot, like right now!
Normal women—astronauts even—like to take out their aggression in the rink. And yesterday was the Gotham Roller Derby Championship. That’s a totally fresh angle on the story about the Gotham Roller Derby from two years ago. Let’s give it 850 words in the City Section. CONTINUED »
• Joke’s over. South Carolinian democrats stubbornly refuse to allow a comedian to run for the leader of the free world as a publicity stunt.
• Tennis truly is nothing like Hollywood. Example: Martina Hingis tests positive for cocaine; she retires in disgrace. Lindsay Lohan goes to rehab for cocaine use; she comes back with a ProActiv sponsorship and a shiny new movie deal.
• 60 Minutes proves way more effective at apprehending criminals than To Catch A Predator.
• Jacob the Jeweler is sent to prison, thereby depriving hardworking celebrities of their much-needed bling. Meanwhile, being incarcerated hasn’t stopped Jacob from launching his own $80 vodka, called “Bocaj” (his name spelled backwards). Which we think it truly “C-i-t-o-i-d-i.”
One year ago, the New York Observer was boldy proclaiming “man flab is fab.” But new evidence suggests the tides are changing!
THEN:
One by one, from Hollywood to the Hamptons, men have liberated themselves from the flat-stomached emo-boy reign of terror…Our men are carrying an extra 10—hell, maybe 15—pounds in the midriff, haven’t even thought about the gym in months, and they are unashamed. Why should they be? The Hollywood box-office draws have stopped looking like the lithe and graceful Orlando Blooms of the world, delicate and emotive and who might possibly weigh less than an average female fan… [NYO]
NOW:
Tired of hating yourself and your boyfriend for not hating himself? Help is on the way! Just one week after it was revealed that Ryan Gosling’s chunky physique may have contributed to his dismissal from a film role, directer Ridley Scott has reported that he demanded from the stocky Russell Crowe a 30 pound weight loss before filming began on their newest project, Body of Lies. Finally, everyone can be afraid of looking in the mirror. [Mollygood]
Apparently man flab just became a little less fab and a little more problematic. Now, are you going to break the bad news to Val Kilmer or should we?
Have you read that creepy New York Times article “Shhh…My Child Is Sleeping (in My Bed, Um, With Me)” yet? It’s about this crazy new phenomenon of parents [Ed: Get this!] secretly sharing a bed with their children – sometimes even up until aforementioned kids are in the third grade. It’s totally new and informative!
At least, that’s exactly what we said about it when it came out six months ago under the headline, “Whose Bed Is It Anyway?”*
*Which we also made fun of for being unoriginal.
• Janet Jackson’s future-husband refuses to forgive Justin Timberlake for leaving JJ high and dry in the aftermath of that whole totally spontaneous “wardrobe malfunction.”
• Random House is voted the best publishing house to work for, which must be extremely reassuring for those first-year editorial assistants who are (barely) subsiding on ramen noodles, raw ambition and under $25K/year.
• Always on the frontlines of rising social trends, Sunday Styles reveals that going to weddings solo can be either incredibly lonely or a great place to pick up men.
• Raging wildfires blaze towards the coast in Southern California. Fortunately, the San Diego Zoo’s Wild Animal Park has been closed and animals are being moved. Still in danger: Everybody else.
Remember when you were in elementary school and cool older kids used to taunt you with relentless chants of, “Want some ABC gum?” and “Hey, your epidermis is showing?” Well, now syntax bullies (and self-proclaimed grammar sticklers) are terrorizing the uneducated masses with the equally intimidating, “Your modifier is dangling.”
Hey, it’s no “You’re in the audience, okay? Audience comes from the Latin, ‘to listen’” but we think it’s already starting to catch on.
OMG, did we just end a sentence with a preposition? Quick, look away, before “Eats, Shoots & Leaves” sourpuss Lynne Truss reads it and hits us with her cane…
1. Hit the Ground Running
When it comes to cataloging trends of the uber-rich in New York, Sunday Styles has few peers. But in late August, when most of its subjects are in the South France or the Hamptons, trends become scarce. And only out of such scarcity could yesterday’s lead story Ten Things to Do Before This Article is Finished run.
2. Use Rhetorical Questions to Show the Inherent Stupidity of the Story
Back when the paper and pen were created, a trend story about the functionality of lists might have had some social relevance. Even a piece about 43 Things would have made some sense back in 2004. But a 1500 word piece about lists now? Really?
3. Increase Page Views
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Think the internet is only for geeks and pedophiles? Think again! Now it’s also the procrastination tool of choice for working women everywhere.
Reports Guardian:
For years cyberspace has been tailored to an audience of mainly young men but now women Web users have taken the lead in key age groups in the U.K. “For the first time this year women are spending more time on the Internet than men,” says Peter Phillips of Ofcom. “It’s a big shift and has implications for the kind of content that content providers want to have on the Internet.”
Which makes total sense! Especially if by ’shifting the content,’ Phillips means, “Less ads for porn, more ads for online shopping, Match.com and The Gilmore Girls on DVD.*
*Otherwise known as the box set for the box set.
• What is it about New York that makes rappers break the law? Could it be the overabundance of money-cash-hoes?
• Two new water cruises to be offered in New York and they are sure to delight the whole family (by which we mean anyone over the age of 65).
• Finally, a way to make Harry Potter enjoyable for everyone!
• For those of you who haven’t been outside, or looked out the window—or are unemployed, 27 and living in your parents’ basement—it’s raining. All day! Which means your flight (undoubtedly to somewhere sunny and pleasant) is most likely canceled.
• Have you heard? The South Bronx is so the new Williamsburg. Which is to say, it’s currently affordable and trendy, soon to be ridiculously overpriced and totally over.
Editorial Director
