Unlike those fancy "television critics" who've somehow "obtained a copy of the Gossip Girl pilot a week ahead of schedule" and "actually watched it" we're still completely in the dark as to what crazy misadventures the show will explore.

But if there's one thing we do know, it's the world of snotty New York private schools, an exclusive sub-culture reeking of self-entitlement and designer perfume, whose distinguished alumni include the likes of Paris Hilton and Brittny Gastineau.

And though we're almost ashamed to admit it, we actually attended one such institution and found that its predominantly white student body did, in fact, embody certain quintessential stereotypes.

By our recollection, high school was primarily comprised of pretty but unathletic half-Jewish types, the majority of whom spent Chrismukkah vacation skiing in Aspen, wore matching cardigan sweater sets to go meet their matching SAT tutors, and threw over the top "Super Sweet Thirteens," also known as Bar/Bat Mitzvahs.

"For me," says one nostalgic '98 private school alum, "the image of Dalton is the image of a group of pre-pubescent 12 and 13 year-old boys gyrating out of rhythm with the Knicks City Dancers at [some kid's] bar mitzah."

"Seventh grade is still the most happening year of my social life ever," another former NYC prep schooler agrees. "We had, like 2-3 black tie parties a weekend."

Embarrassing? You bet. But not quite rock bottom.

"As bad as things got, they could always have been worse," a late-90's private school grad admits. "I mean, we weren't Dwight."

("You knew the 'Dumb White Idiots Getting High together' acronym, yes?" asks another interviewee. Of course we did.)

So what's the biggest misconception about glitzy shows like Gossip Girl?

"Shows about private schools always have these beautiful campuses and gorgeous, wood-lined classrooms," an anonymous Trinity '01 graduate complains. "Trinity was a shithole. Most of the classrooms didn't even have windows."

But naturally, that doesn't mean the former Dorian's crowd won't be tuning in this season.

"I like watching shows about people like me because I am extremely self-absorbed," admits one self-described "brat."

We couldn't have said it any better ourselves.