There's a new "It Boy" in town, and the New York Times Sunday Styles section has about 800 words to convince you of the truth of this statement. Now that Lance Armstrong and Jake Gyllenhaal have filled the roles of "Matthew McConaughey's friend," Jeffrey Zarnow needed another way to make a name for himself. And that way is liquor.

He's now throwing charity parties for Liz Smith and partying with Bono. Tres Chic. This guy knows how to get himself on the social map, and he'll probably be yachting with Peter Davis next summer and sponsoring Fashion Week Daily parties. But until that day comes, he (like the rest of the city) will be climbing the never ending party-scene social ladder.

Basically, what we're saying is that you'll never hear about this guy again. The only reason we are even talking about this stupid article is because of this little gem.

Just as it can seem that every woman with social ambition is designing her own handbag or jewelry line, there’s a freshly distilled ticket to social standing for men — introducing your own liquor.

Dear God make it stop. Who is even making handbags these days? Melissa Burkelhammer? And owning liquor leading to social standing? It seems quite working class to us — and the thing about socialites is that they don't work. (Except Jessica Joffe, but only because she can't decide if she's a model or a journalist or a rockstar girlfriend.)

Anyways, the only way to truly reach any desirable level of social status is to be born to a magazine editor, to marry into social status (ahem, Tinsley Mortimer), or to buy a newspaper. Otherwise, nobody fucking cares about you. Except the Sunday Times.

Fame at 70 Proof [Allen Salkin, New York Times]