Today, Jossip celebrates its fourth wonderful year of existence. In honor of this momentous occasion, each editor has come up with a list of goals/achievements he/she hopes to have accomplished by the time Jossip turns five. It's overlord David Hauslaib's turn.

By this time next year, I will have …

1) Trained my staff not to regard my absence from the office as an opportunity to turn their hateful chain emails about me into in-person bickering.

2) Increased Jossip's frenemy list – which currently hovers around just a half dozen – by adding someone new every day.

3) Curtailed expenses by cutting waste, such as Internet access. That, or boosted productivity by blocking Google chat. And banning email.

4) Posted another Match.com profile of a leading blog mogul.

5) Continued making the staff feel obligated to keep me as friends on Facebook.

6) Transformed the gender of at least one more employee, which will also be videotaped and photographed.

7) Doubled the number of news items we break that are picked up elsewhere without attribution.

8) Made nice with Janice Min. (No, for real this time.)

9) Stopped the crazy lady in the corner from screaming at her voicemail, once and for all.

10) Convinced everyone Jossip isn't "pink," but "Fuchsia."