As if pretending to be friends with Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston weren't enough, the Hollywood hairdresser now has a new role to fill, giving their existence even more purpose than inspiring hairstyles around the country. That purpose being, acting as some tossed aside actress' Oscar date.

Well, at least according to Joan Rivers.

"Newly divorced actresses … always come with their gay hairdressers, because you know that he'll look great, he'll adore you and your hair will be fabulous."

Other Oscar date options: your nasty pizza face kid, your mom, dad or sister, or your publicist. Ha! We would just kill to see Lindsay Lohan dash down the red carpet with her publicist in tow. Imagine how hard it is to wave to anyone, with one hand preoccupied with covering her boob and the other slapped over her mouth.

Good thing for us (and La Lo's hairdresser) that's a day we won't be seeing any time soon.

Why Joaquin isn't going to be calling you [Los Angeles Times]