Face it, all your favorite tangible newspapers, magazines and books will soon be available only digitally. It's a nice development for the trees, a gloomy one for everyone who likes to use their Sundays eating danish and licking their thumbs before turning the pages of the Times. Another American tradition dead. But soft! Because with the fall of reading materials you can feel comes the rise of a new American pastime: Internet commenting. If you haven't already, get with the Internet commenting, people. You need to start stating your opinions online now, or else be prepared to get left behind while everyone LOLs at your ass.

Because we're nice like that, here's a handy-dandy beginner's to commenting on the Internet. There's a right way and a wrong way to do it. These are the wrong ways.

Do not write "Yawn."

Because most Web sites that allow commenting are free of charge, hastily pooh-poohing something posted on them is tacky, and just the sort of entitled, bullshit attitude that foreigners think typifies America. You wouldn't call the cable company and tell them that the HBO you've been getting for free isn't coming in clearly, would you? Then don't write "Yawn."

Do not be redundant.

That doesn't mean don't repeatedly use the same word – though that is frowned upon – that means don't write a comment that is nothing more than a mangled version of what the post on which you're commenting says. It's not only stupid to do that, it's also very sad.

Do not freak out on other commenters.

Relax, bud. Being opinionated is great, and if someone were to say to your face some of the insane shit people say to each other on the Internet, you would have every right to go buckwild on them. But becoming enraged with someone in a comments section is useless, as the person antagonizing you might very well be crazy or a teenager on a lark. Remember, the Internet, like the real world, is full of idiots.

Do not comment TO the person the post is ABOUT.

For some reason, this is one a lot of Lil Wayne fans have a problem with. Hey, fans, unless Young Weezy actually wrote the post on which you're commenting, do not write "Wayne i luv u!!!!! fuk dem haterz!!!!" That's like seeing Leonardo DiCaprio interviewed on David Letterman and then writing a letter to Leo and sending to David Letterman. Things don't work like that.

Do not overshare.

Do not overshare ever, but especially not in a comments section. The max you should be giving people is a link to your FaceSpace, nothing more. Do not put your e-mail address, phone number or home address into a comment; they will be abused.

One thing you DO want to do, though, is send your credit card number to Web editors for safekeeping. We can help you get a lot of money from a Nigerian prince we know. Don't forget the expiration date and those three digits on the back!

Do not threaten people.

Oh, you're a big tough guy? Then why the hell aren't you out kicking ass and getting laid instead of sitting in front of your laptop, writing angrily to people? Take your masculinity to the Jersey Shore.

Don't ask what a word or term means.

If you're commenting on something in the Internet, you both have a computer readily available and Internet access. Use Google. The reason the people who founded Google are so unbelievably rich is because it is FUCKING AMAZING! If you don't understand a word or reference, search for it on Google and you'll have your answer in less than 10 seconds.

Don't ask, "Really?"

Don't know how it started, but we're really, really sick of seeing people express disbelief like this: "Really? Really?" Um, yes, REALLY!!!

Do not not spell check.

Spell check! It's that simple.